


Peregrinations

by Kittleskittle



Series: Peregrinations [1]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hiking, Modern AU, Suspense, Takes Place in 2010, Touch-starved Aloy, Veteran Nil, appalachian trail, art included, loner aloy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 70,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25552498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittleskittle/pseuds/Kittleskittle
Summary: Aloy Sobeck has been dreaming of hiking the entirety of the Appalachian Trail since she was six years old. Now that she's finally graduated college and hasn't quite decided on what she wants to do with her future, it's the perfect time to chase after her oldest dream of becoming a 2000-Miler.With her pack stuffed with the best gear and her affairs for the next six months taken care of by an old family friend, only one question remains - what awaits her out on the trail?
Relationships: Aloy/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn)
Series: Peregrinations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998502
Comments: 142
Kudos: 79





	1. Thru-Hiker

**Thru-Hiker** \- A person who is attempting to become a 2,000-Miler in a single, continuous journey leaving from one terminus of the trail, and backpacking to the other terminus.

_April 4th, 2010_

Gripping at the nylon straps of her pack, she stared determinedly at the weathered stone arch in front of her. Beside it, a crisply painted sign read: _Appalachian Trail Approach. Springer Mtn., GA. 1 mile._

And beneath that: _Mt. Katahdin, Maine, 2108.5 Miles_. Her ultimate destination.

Today was Aloy Sobeck's 22nd birthday, and the day she was beginning her attempted NOBO thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail. 

Pursing her lips, she mentally ran over the items in her pack one last time. Phone, hammock, a couple of changes of clothing, chemicals for water treatment, guidebook, headlamp, pocket knife, canteen, camp stove, basic first aid kit, and enough food to last a week. Before Teb, an old family friend, had dropped her off at the trailhead, she had gone through her items about twenty times in the backseat of his car, packing and repacking her bag methodically. Rost, her adoptive father, had always taught her to be prepared for every eventuality, and negotiating that philosophy with her pack weight had been no easy task. But Aloy had finally managed to whittle down her supplies to only the necessities. She could only hope that they would be enough to cover any issues she may run into until she reached Neels Gap, where her first drop box would be waiting for her at the welcome center. 

Aloy was as ready as she'd ever be. So, giving herself no more time to second guess herself, she took a deep breath, stepped forward through the archway, and on to the trail.

Her first day's journey would take her to Springer Mountain, where the AT officially began - a fairly steep mile-long hike from the parking lot where Teb had dropped her off. Past that a ways was the Hawk Mountain Shelter, where she'd settle in and camp overnight in her cozy hammock. Normally she'd have to worry about the shelter being full of thru-hikers like herself, but most 2000-Miler hopefuls began their trek in March. Disliking crowds and dealing with people in general, Aloy had purposefully chosen one of the latest possible start dates she could while still allowing herself enough wiggle room to comfortably finish before Mt. Katahdin closed for the season in mid-October.

Hiking the Appalachian Trail had been a dream of Aloy's for as long as she could remember. It was almost dizzying to think how, after years of backpacking experience in preparation for this day, she was finally chasing after that elusive 2000-miler title. As a young girl, she had managed to cajole Rost into buying her the official ATC guidebooks, and she had spent many late nights eagerly pouring over supply lists and studying maps. Oftentimes she'd pass out with her face pressed into a booklet, pencil in hand, having fallen asleep dreaming about what adventure she might find. 

Now that she had finally graduated college, it was the perfect time to make the leap. Much to Rost's chagrin, Aloy hadn't accepted any of the numerous job offers thrown her way after graduating summa cum laude from Berkeley with a degree in environmental engineering and a minor in robotics. Graduating a semester early with the highest honors - not to mention her carrying the very recognizable Sobeck name - had recruiters practically salivating at her potential, but she had refused or put off her decision at every turn.

As her feet settled into that familiar cadence, Aloy knew for sure she had made the right choice, feeling nothing but a heady sense of freedom. The wilderness had always called to her, and the concept of spending half a year trekking through it was bliss. She knew it would be one of the biggest challenges of her life, even miserable at times, but she had always been a fighter and never one to give up when the going got rough. Summiting Mt. Katahdin would make anything she faced more than worth it in the end. 

The initial path to the southern terminus was well traveled and maintained, the mid-spring day mild and clear, so Aloy picked up her pace, settling into a quick and spritely rhythm. In the miles to come, there would be times where she wouldn't be so lucky - rainy or stormy days, poorly kept or washed out trails, and hostile locals or fauna - among other things - were all potential hazards she was practically guaranteed to run into at one point or another. The people she passed on her way up to the summit were friendly enough, most greeting her, some even stopping to wish her luck on her journey. She offered each of them no more than a shy smile and a brief nod, but their words of encouragement spurred her on.

It wasn't long before she finished her climb up the mountain, only a little winded as she gazed out over the vast landscape before her, taking a moment to allow her keen eyes to drink in the veritable feast of color. The distant Appalachian Mountains were hazy and unfocused, painted in various shades of blue, and the festive spring trees with their newborn leaves created a sea of vibrant yellow-green that spread out for miles in all directions. Dotted randomly among them was a flashy rainbow of wildflowers, from stark whites to flirty pinks and purples to cheery yellows. Capping it all off were the earthy brown tones of ageless rock and boulder, somewhat grounding the wild fertility of the new season and serving as a somber reminder that, except for them, all things were temporary.

Aloy, having lived most of her life in Colorado Springs, had seen many a beautiful view from a mountain summit before, often even more breathtaking than this one. But today was extra special, so she took a moment to pull her phone from her bag and snap a quick picture. 

Nearby, encased in the ancient stone of the mountain, lay a bronze plaque dating all the way back to 1934 commemorating the southern terminus of the AT. So she grabbed a picture of that too, the green-accented tips of her brand new trail runners poking into the frame.

"Happy birthday to me," Aloy said under her breath with a giddy grin while she studied the picture. "And here's to the start of a new adventure."

Not wanting to waste another second - she still had several miles to go before she hit her chosen shelter for the night - Aloy hopped back on to the trail and began the mile long descent down the mountain. Once she reached the bottom, navigating the rocky trail with her usual easy sure-footedness, she took a moment to pull out her well-marked 2010 Appalachian Trail Thru-Hikers' Companion, published every year by the ATC. Inside was all manner of useful data, including shelter and town information, mileage, elevation profiles, and was she was currently after - maps. It would do her no good to get lost on her first day, after all.

The trail had leveled out, so Aloy continued onward, reading the trail map as she walked. By her count, Hawk Mountain Shelter was still roughly six miles away, and the sun wasn't even at the apex of the sky. As much as she wanted to rush ahead, she knew it was smarter to take her time and stick to her schedule as closely as possible. Conserving energy was vital, especially in case she ran into any potential obstacles.

Twisting around to shove the guidebook back into her bag, Aloy didn't notice that someone was standing stock still in the middle of the trail. Until she ran straight into them with a shocked yelp.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she said, her cheeks warming at her own carelessness.

The man she had bumped into was almost inhumanly enormous, and she took an instinctive step backwards when he turned slowly to face her. The clothing he wore covering his pale skin was tattered and faded, and his oily black hair was kept in tight cornrows bunched together in a long ponytail. But what captured her attention the most was the eerie, flat grey of his eyes. Uneasiness slithered through her belly, and she shifted on her feet.

Internally, she chided herself. _It's not nice to judge people like that, Aloy._

A few seconds passed, and the man kept staring at her. More than a little weirded out, Aloy was about to move on when he finally spoke.

"No, it's fine. You're a thru-hiker, girl?" His voice was softer than she would've expected, calm and velvety to the point of being hypnotic. But it did nothing to ease her nerves.

"Uh, yeah," Aloy responded with a nervous laugh. "Just started today. Obviously."

"What's your name?"

"Al - I mean, Seeker." At the last second, Aloy remembered to use her chosen trail name. It was meant to keep her as anonymous as possible, because one never knew what sort of person they could encounter on the trail. While most people were friendly, there were plenty of creeps out there, and it was important to keep that in mind at all times.

Like now.

"Um, and you?"

"Helis," he grunted, and Aloy began to feel distinctly like she was being examined under a microscope. For what reason, she wasn't sure, but something in her told her she didn't want to stick around and find out.

"Well, Helis, it was uh...nice to meet you, but I have to get going now."

A wide, toothy grin split his lips, unsettling Aloy further - and she suddenly realized it was because none of it reached the icy chill of his eyes. They were as dead as the buck she had felled on her last hunting trip with Rost.

"The sun has truly shined upon us this day. Perhaps we'll run into each other again, Seeker."

"Yeah, sure is a nice day! Gotta go, bye!" Aloy rushed through the words, never more eager to get away from another human being in her life. Her pace might have been much faster than usual, but Aloy was determined to get as much distance between herself and the strange man as possible. Long after she had moved on, ice stabbed at her limbs and prickled her skin into gooseflesh. But she did her best to shake it off, telling herself over and over again that nothing bad had happened, that she was totally fine. Some people didn't have great social skills - herself included - and that didn't necessarily make them dangerous.

The rest of the day passed without any further incident, and Aloy managed to calm herself down enough that she almost forgot the odd encounter. Hiking had always had a deeply relaxing effect on her, so she narrowed her entire focus to that instead, her eyes flitting between the numerous flora and fauna of the forest. A meandering millipede marched out of her way here, a startled chipmunk dove for cover into a pile of old leaves there, and she occasionally stopped to turn on her phone to take a picture of some unfamiliar species of plant she'd look up in one of her numerous guidebooks later during her downtime. She was aware she should at least attempt to conserve her phone's battery life in case of an emergency, but there were so many interesting things she wanted to record and remember. If Aloy Sobeck could be called anything, it was a collector of unique items and experiences, and this was no different.

Finally, when the sun began to sink towards the horizon, Standing Hawk shelter came into view. Like every other official shelter along the AT, it was a study, simple wooden structure with three sides, made to sleep several hikers at once. Aloy preferred the snug cocoon of her hammock, but she had to admit that it was nice to have the option in case of inclement weather. Other amenities included a privy, a bear box to stow food in, a fire pit that may or may not have a grill, a picnic table, and a nearby water source. Each shelter was about half a day's hike apart, convenient if one was having a particularly sluggish day and needed to call it early.

With a relieved sigh, Aloy unbuckled her pack and set it off to the side before sinking down on to the picnic table. It was rare to find a shelter entirely empty, but she was beyond thankful to have it to herself this first night. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the rickety wooden boards of the table, taking a few moments to rest her weary legs.

Eventually, she got up and dragged her pack into the shelter to get ready for the night. Digging through it, Aloy pulled out her neatly bundled hammock and got to work stringing it up between two nearby trees. Once the rain fly was arranged to her satisfaction (even though she seriously doubted there would be rain tonight, it was always better to be prepared), she trudged back to begin unloading her food into the food box. Bears were native to practically the entire trail, so packing away your food into this container wasn't just a precaution - it was a necessity. 

As with most shelter boxes, inside was a spiralbound notebook in which hikers could leave notes, tips, and warnings for each other. Excitedly, Aloy opened it up, her eyes scanning eagerly over the colorful pages. This was one aspect of her hike she had been looking forward to - hiker's logbooks could provide hours of entertainment on otherwise boring evenings. With nothing else to do for the next couple of hours before she went to bed, Aloy grabbed the hunk of expensive summer sausage she had brought especially for tonight, curled up on one of the shelter's benches, and began to read while she nibbled on her dinner.

Although there was a shelter at Springer Mountain, most people tended to bypass it as she had, so a good portion of this logbook was filled with initial messages explaining where a hiker was from and why they were attempting the trail - using, of course, trail names exclusively. Most of them were run of the mill, a few of them funny, and Aloy was mildly interested in how many people from outside the US were attempting the trail. She was about to close the book entirely when the last entry caught her eye.

_April 2nd, 2010_

_Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for out here. A purpose, or maybe a lack of one so I have an excuse to finally fade away into nothingness. My entire life, I've been fighting and searching for something I can't quite define, and I'm so tired. I know in my heart that this is my final effort. If I can't find what I'm missing, who knows what will become of me?_

_-Nil_

Beneath that, in the same elegant handwriting, was a poem excerpt, and Aloy frowned as she read through it.

_I who did not die, who am still living,_  
_still lying in the backseat behind all my questions,_  
_clenching and opening one small hand._

_-Excerpt from "Making a Fist" by Naomi Shihab Nye_

The words had a wave of melancholy empathy crashing through Aloy's chest, and she studied them for awhile, brushing her fingers over the neatly written script. She knew exactly what it was like to feel aimless and lost, desperate for any kind of direction - in fact, that was one of the reasons why she was hiking the trail in the first place. Whoever this 'Nil' was, she very much hoped they found whatever it was they were looking for. She hoped they both did.

Going back to the transparent bin, she rummaged around in it until her fingers closed on one of the numerous writing implements scattered over the bottom of the plastic. Settling back down, she opened the logbook to a clean page, chewing at her lip absentmindedly while she figured out what to write.

Eventually, the right words came to her, and as they flowed out of her, she scribbled them down hurriedly, her handwriting nowhere near as nice-looking as Nil's.

_April 4th, 2010_

_Today is the day I start my thru-hike, also my 22nd birthday, and I'm alone. But I have been for most of my life, so it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. I'm actually relieved right now, if I'm being honest. Ever since I graduated from college back in December, I've had no idea what I want to do with myself. What I did know is that I've been squirreling away money for years to make this journey, and it seemed like the logical choice in the face of indecision._

_To the person who wrote the previous entry, even though you'll probably never read this: I know what you're going through. Well, maybe not the exact details, but I do know what it's like to feel that way. Even if these words can't help you, maybe they can help someone who comes after. So, here goes, for all of you out there who feel lost: you're not alone, and there's always hope for a better future. I know how hard it can to believe in that future at times, but if you keep fighting, eventually you'll find that sunrise again._

_Wishing everyone who reads this a pleasant and uneventful journey,_

_Seeker, from Colorado Springs, CO, USA_

Putting her own words to paper eased some of the turmoil in Aloy's heart, and she closed the notebook and sealed it back in the food box with a slight smile. The daylight was beginning to fade, bathing the trees in that familiar dusky hue unique to the forest at dusk, so with a wide yawn, she stood and stretched until her joints gave a satisfying pop. 

By the time she had changed, used the privy, and refilled her water, the sun had almost fully set, and she climbed into the warm pod of her hammock with a happy sigh.

For the first time in a long while, Aloy felt hope and excitement for what the future held, and she drifted off the sleep with the singing of the evening crickets as her lullaby. The smile never left her face.

\--

Definitions/Lingo:

**Hammock** \- A sleeping system that combines a tent and sleeping bag, hung between two trees.

**Drop box** \- A package with new supplies sent to a town's post office ahead of you.

**AT** \- Appalachian Trail.

**NOBO** \- Northbound thru-hiker, also a GAMEr (Georgia to Maine on AT, Mexico to Canada on PCT).

**ATC** \- The Appalachian Trail Conservancy is a volunteer-based, private, nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation, management, and promotion of the Appalachian Trail as a primitive setting for outdoor recreation (on foot) and for learning. ATC is both a confederation of Trail-maintaining clubs and an individual-membership organization.

**Trail Runners** \- Lightweight trail-running shoes used by hikers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, and welcome to my next longfic, a modern Appalachian Trail AU titled Peregrinations! This is something I've been researching and outlining for about a month now, and I'm so excited to finally be posting this fic! Hiking the Appalachian Trail was a goal of my own at one point, so this is a bit of a pet subject of mine. Still, this story required hours of research and pouring over itineraries, maps, and supply lists to fully come together, and as usual I couldn't have done it without the help and feedback of my dear friends Sam and Cait. As usual, I owe yinz EVERYTHING.
> 
> Updates for this will be on Mondays so as to not interfere with Traveling Light! And yes, as with all my fics, there is art that goes along with this. According to my outline, this will be around 20 chapters, give or take.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and I'll see yinz next week!


	2. Yard Sale

**Yard Sale** – The complete unpacking of one’s backpack spread out on a surface so it looks like a backpacking gear yard sale.

\--

_April 5th - April 8th, 2010_

When Aloy woke with a start early the next morning, CBS - or cold butt syndrome - was in full effect. Grimacing, she reached down to hurriedly rub some heat back into her behind. As much as she loved sleeping in her hammock, it meant that nothing stood between the icy night air and her back beyond her camp clothes and a thin layer of nylon. The friction only helped slightly, so with a resigned sigh, Aloy unzipped her hammock and rolled out on to the bed of leaves below. The sun was just beginning to peek through the trees, and she felt a brief swell of self-satisfaction at managing to not oversleep despite her lack of an alarm.

Thankfully, walking around while chewing distastefully on her bland but calorie-dense breakfast of a "mocha latte" (which apparently meant "vaguely tasting of cocoa powder and used coffee grounds") protein bar and packing up her gear was enough to get the blood flowing again. Tying her hair back with her favorite bright blue bandana, Aloy gave the shelter one more cursory glance to ensure that she hadn't forgotten anything. Once she was satisfied that all of her gear was stowed away neatly in her pack, she squared herself and stepped back on to the trail.

Each consecutive day began and ended much the same way - wake up with her ass about to freeze off, eat breakfast, pack up, then hit the trail again. Hike for several miles to her destination, her mind blissfully clear beyond focusing on her pacing. Reach her next campsite, have dinner, read, go to sleep. Such a simple routine that didn't involve much in the way of problem solving was downright relaxing after years and years of hard study at a top tier school, and Aloy took to it like a fish to water. 

She had run into a few other thru-hikers by now, but thankfully, not many had been very talkative. The day hikers, on the other hand, tended to be more chatty but generally left her alone once they figured out that Aloy wasn't going to engage them in any sort of meaningful conversation. Small talk with total strangers had always been beyond uncomfortable for her, and her guard was extra high due to traveling alone as a young woman.

To reassure herself, she'd sometimes pat at the utility knife she kept stowed in the pocket of her leggings. It wasn't much, but it offered her a small sense of security. More than once, Aloy wished she could have also brought her compound bow along, but that plus her quiver and arrows were entirely too heavy in combination with her pack.

Besides backpacking, archery had always been one of her favorite hobbies. Whether at the range or during hunting trips with Rost, she had always excelled at the sport, and nothing beat the thrill of loosing an arrow and watching it slam into her target with a satisfying thud. But thinking about her bow hanging back at home on the wall of her childhood room brought her thoughts uncomfortably close to her adoptive father, so she would always mentally change the subject to something like the weather.

Which had been miserable since her first day on the trail.

For the next three days, it rained. It wasn't at the level of a constant downpour - as awful as those were, they at least tended to last no longer than a day. Instead, it was that light, misty sort of rain that choked the air with so much humidity that even items in sealed containers managed to get damp somehow. The trail quickly became a mud pit, and Aloy wondered more than once if she should've sprung for actual hiking boots rather than her lightweight trail runners. She knew she had made the best choice for her personal hiking tastes, but damn if it didn't absolutely suck to have her bare ankles coated in a thick layer of mud by the end of each day. Every evening in her selected shelter, she had to take time to scrape it off, and even then she never got all of it. Neels Gap, her first big stop, was still a few days away, and already she was fantasizing about finding the showers there and getting clean for real.

Still, Aloy had expected this. She had faced much worse on past backpacking expeditions, although the longest consecutive trip she had been on previously had only lasted for a couple of weeks. To some extent, she even welcomed the challenge. This was an endurance run of the highest magnitude, and if she couldn't handle a little rain, she might as well drop off now.

On the plus side, however, the rain and mud metered her pacing somewhat. One of Aloy's biggest hiking-related weaknesses had always been overeagerness, her determination to rush ahead and finish a trail as quickly as possible. Being forced to slow down and exercise patience was actually a good thing for someone like her, so she kept reminding herself of that when she began to grow too miserable with her circumstances.

On the morning of April 8th, Aloy woke at Slaughter Creek Campsite to a cheerful ray of sunshine beaming directly at her eyes, and she almost flipped her hammock around entirely while she scrambled to unzip it. Dropping out of it, a broad grin overtook her face as she tilted her head up towards the sun, a giddy laugh spilling from her lips. Out on the trail, it was the simple things that could make a hiker's day, and Aloy basked in the blissful feeling for just a little while longer before hitting the road once more.

Although the trail was still a mess, there was a spring in her step while she walked along. As caught up in her carefree joy as she was, Aloy almost missed the man crouching off to the side of the path in a bed of buttercups, his gear spread out before him as he searched through his pack.

When her eyes caught on him, she slowed, a frown coming to her face. Before she could ask if he needed any help - Aloy was just a bit anti-social, not totally heartless - he slowly rose to his feet, keeping his striking silver eyes trained on her the entire time.

"There's danger ahead, girl."

Irritation immediately reared up in her, and she narrowed her eyes.

"Maybe for you, but I'm an experienced backpacker. I think I can handle whatever it is."

Amusement danced over his face, and he chuckled, seeming to find her words funny for some reason. "I don't doubt that. Your gear tells me you're a thru-hiker. But do you have anything in that pack of yours to scare away a bear?"

This stopped Aloy in her tracks. "A bear?"

The man nodded, running a hand through his black, undercut hair. "Saw one hanging out right on the trail about a quarter mile ahead. I backtracked to here in order to pull out my air horn."

She glanced back down at his gear. "Well, that explains the yard sale."

"That it does." He flashed her a crooked smile, kneeling back down. "If you'd wait just a couple more minutes, I'm almost done here. Then we can both be on our way."

With a resigned sigh, Aloy crouched down beside him. "Fine. It's not like I have much of a choice in the matter."

The man smirked but didn't say anything else as he rummaged through his things, finally pulling the object of his search out of his pack with a pleased noise. Then he began the tedious process of repacking his bag, and Aloy nearly groaned and rolled her eyes when she realized he was one of those backpackers obsessed with nesting their supplies the exact perfect way. Which tended to take awhile.

A few more minutes passed, and growing restless and more than a little curious, she finally spoke up. "So...I'm assuming you're a thru-hiker too?"

"Sure am," he said, rearranging a few cans of food for the third time. 

"And...where are you from?" Aloy prompted.

"A tiny-ass town in bumfuck Pennsylvania where nothing interesting ever happens," he replied brightly. "Yourself?"

"Colorado Springs...um, in Colorado. Duh." Aloy felt her cheeks flush as she stumbled over her words. Something about this man threw her off balance, and she didn't like it one bit. "What can I call you? Since we'll be hiking together for a little bit."

"Call me Nil," he said, his gaze darting to her for a moment. "You?"

"Seeker." Something about his trail name seemed very familiar, and Aloy's brow furrowed as she wracked her brain for the reason why. And then she remembered, and her heart clenched in her chest.

"Nil... I've seen your name before," she said softly. "I read your entry in the logbook at the Hawk Mountain Shelter. It was..."

Nil snorted, waving a hand without even bothering to look at her. "That? Ah, don't pay that any mind, little Seeker. I enjoy poetry and have a flair for the dramatic, that's all."

Aloy bristled at his words, unsure what annoyed her more - the fact that he had called her little or how he had so quickly and nonchalantly brushed off her concern for him, a total stranger.

_So much for trying to to be nice to someone_ , she thought moodily, poking at a twig sticking out of the mud. 

Silence descended on the pair, and Aloy took that moment to study him as best as she could from her peripheral vision. Nil was almost an entire head taller than her, appearing to be around her age, maybe a few years older. The hair on the sides of his head was shaved down to stubble, the inky strands on top a few inches long and swept off to the side. A neatly trimmed goatee ringed his mouth, and she wondered briefly how and why he was maintaining that on the trail when most men didn't bother with shaving and sported full beards. His clothing - which consisted of the typical waterproof jacket and sweat-wicking athletic leggings - was mostly all black, except for the bright splash of red from the cotton bandana tied around his neck. For some reason Aloy couldn't pinpoint, her gaze lingered on the man, and she unconsciously worried at her lower lip.

The hissing zip of his pack startled Aloy from her thoughts, and she hastily whipped her gaze back to stare down her hands. Nil stood with an entirely unnecessary groan, stretching his arms above his head and arching his back in a distinctly feline gesture. Raising an eyebrow, he turned to her and offered a hand up. 

Aloy eyed it warily, but she took it nonetheless, not particularly keen on the idea of falling on her ass because of the squelching tug of the sticky mud on her shoes. Warmth from Nil's large hand suffused into hers while she used him as leverage to pull herself to her feet, and she felt that damn blush spreading over her face again like an infection. Red hair, light green eyes, and skin so pale it practically glowed in sunlight made her extra prone to flushing, and for the umpteenth time in her life, Aloy cursed her genetics.

"Are you ready?" Nil dropped her hand to gesture towards the trail, and Aloy nodded once, schooling her features into what she hoped was indifference.

"Lead the way." If her words were a little breathless, it was probably because they were about to come face to face with a bear.

Shooting her a sly grin, Nil walked forward a few steps. Before opening his mouth and starting to sing so loudly and suddenly that Aloy jumped about three feet in the air.

"What the hell?" she shrieked, fixing him with a glare so fiery she could almost feel actual heat coming out of her eyes. Thankfully, his singing abruptly died off.

"Well, when approaching a bear, one should attempt make as much noise as possible," Nil said mildly. "Haven't you ever run into a bear before? Don't they have those out in Colorado?"

"Of course," Aloy snapped. "But usually we clap or talk loudly or something. Not...not sing obnoxiously!"

"You can clap along if you'd like." With a casual shrug, Nil started forward again. "Although I already tried that, and screaming. It didn't want to budge. Hence the air horn. Maybe we'll get lucky this time."

Aloy blew out a frustrated puff of air. "Why do you have an air horn, anyway? That seems excessive."

"I'm a comfort hiker, little Seeker," he responded. "I'm of the opinion that carrying my fifty pounds is overall more comfortable than your twenty." He spread his arms wide, jutting his chest out, and Aloy felt her lips twitch despite herself. "Don't I look like I can handle it?"

"I'm not little," Aloy muttered, though it lacked any true bite. "And sure. I guess you do."

"You're definitely little compared to me." Glancing ahead once again, he resumed his singing, and Aloy let out an inaudible sigh as she followed after him. To be entirely fair to Nil, his voice wasn't awful. Actually, it was quite the opposite - deep, smooth, and rich. But the last thing she wanted to do was to say anything that might encourage him.

It didn't take long for them to come upon the place when Nil had spotted the bear. Aloy knew this because his hand shot abruptly out to grab at her arm before she could step forward, and she was about to snap at him for touching her. But the expression on his face was deadly serious, and the words died on her lips. He may have been a stranger, but that look was instinctively familiar.

"Careful. I think our fuzzy friend moved. Keep your eyes and ears open."

With a sharp nod, Aloy scanned the treeline intently, searching for any hint of movement. Nothing but tree trunks, gnarled brush, a few boulders, and -

"There," she said, pointing off to her right at a large brownish lump sitting in a sunbeam. The bear was only about 150 feet away from them, and heady adrenaline pumped through Aloy's veins as she kept her eyes locked on the enormous animal. She had to briefly remind herself that this wasn't a hunt - not like she hunted bigger game like bears anyway - and that she had nothing to defend herself in the worst case scenario beyond the swiftness of her feet.

Nil inched forward, following the direction of her hand and squinting. Then the tension left his shoulders, and he glanced down at her with a slight smile. "Well, the good news is I don't see any cubs, so we don't appear to have a mama bear on our hands. Otherwise, we might have been out of luck it terms of scaring it off."

Holding up the air horn, he grimaced. "You might want to cover your ears for this next part."

Only a few seconds after Aloy had clasped her hands firmly over her head, a shrill wail exploded out of the air horn and echoed loudly throughout the surrounding area. The bear jerked up in a panic, and the hikers watched as it quickly lumbered off, thankfully away from them and back into the deep woods. When it finally disappeared from sight, Aloy gave a relieved exhale.

"Ah, feels good doesn't it?" Nil said breathlessly. When Aloy glanced over at him, slightly alarmed, his eyes were wide, appearing to be almost glazed over, and his chest visibly heaved with heavy, excited breaths. "The enticing danger of it all, that rush of blood the fills your body to the brim with adrenaline. How it makes your heart pound so fast in your chest that it feels as though it could burst...there's nothing else, no other thrill like it in the world."

"I...I guess?" Aloy said, wrinkling her nose distastefully. "I'm really not sure how exciting the threat of being mauled to death by a bear is, Nil."

He turned to face her entirely, baring his teeth in a grin that could only be described as bloodthirsty, and her heart skipped a nervous beat. "Oh, but little Seeker, the threat of death is what makes us feel truly alive. Surely one as adventurous as yourself has experienced that rush that before."

Looking down at her hands, Aloy realized that she had clenched them into fists at some point. Forcing herself to steady her own breathing, she relaxed her hands gradually, choosing to ignore his last statement to her.

"I should really be going now."

"Of course. The day is still young, and I'm sure you have a ways to go," Nil said casually, as though he hadn't said a bunch of weird and deeply concerning things. "I'm going to take a moment to myself."

"Um, have fun with that," Aloy said awkwardly, shifting on her feet and already looking past him. Although Nil wasn't giving off anywhere near the same amount of red flags as Helis had, she still didn't want to stick around him longer than she needed to. 

Swallowing back her reservations, Aloy added, "And thanks for the warning and help with the bear. I do appreciate it."

Nil studied her for a moment longer, and what seemed to be a genuine smile broke out over his face. Surprisingly, it did a lot to put some of Aloy's concerns to rest, and she offered her own hesitant smile in return. He was very odd to say to least, and as someone who struggled to deal with the average person, people like Nil tended to make her deeply uncomfortable - mostly because she had zero idea what to say to them. But that didn't mean he meant her any harm.

"You know, I like you, Seeker," he said, his deep voice thoughtful. "I think we'll see each other again, and I'm looking forward to it."

"Yeah," Aloy replied non-committally, shifting the weight of her bag on her back. "I'll see you around, Nil."

As she walked away and onward, she felt his eyes on her the entire time. But somehow, it didn't bother her, and when she turned on a whim to lift her arm in a friendly wave, she smiled when he waved back.

\--

Definitions/Lingo:

**CBS** – Cold Butt Syndrome. When your butt gets cold while sleeping in a hammock.

**Nesting** – When a kit fits nicely together, as in a stove nesting inside a cook pot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this a day early because I can! (And I have a couple of things to do tomorrow)
> 
> It is THE BOY! Aloy is put off yet intrigued...
> 
> See yinz next week!


	3. Trail Magic

**Trail Magic** – When good things happen to hikers, usually spontaneous and unexpected. It might be a ride offer from a passing stranger, free food courtesy of tourists, having a lost piece of gear found by a fellow hiker, or any other acts of serendipity.

_April 9th, 2010_

Neels Gap was a tiny divide nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia - a portion of the Appalachians stretching from there to southern Pennsylvania, so named for their beautiful, distinctive hue. Normally, it would have just been another interesting geographical feature that Aloy would have taken note of, maybe spent some time at sightseeing and grabbing a few pictures, if not for Mountain Crossings.

Featuring an outfitter, food, internet, a hostel that charged $20 a night for a real bed, and showers, the cobbled stone shop was a necessary stop for any thru-hiker and the first place where the comforts of the Cotton World could be enjoyed once again. Most importantly, the front desk was willing to hold on to resupply boxes for hikers and was therefore Aloy's first destination. 

Taking one more moment to gaze out over the mountains with a slight smile, Aloy then trudged up the curving stairs to the pretty little cottage-like structure.

Bells tinkled merrily when she opened the front door, which lead directly in an extensive gift shop. The cashier lifted her head from where she had been reading and gave a little wave, which Aloy returned distractedly, because she was already looking the items for sale over. And clenching her jaw as she attempted to practice self-restraint.

Obnoxious novelty t-shirts were one of her biggest weaknesses, and this shop had them by the dozens. From incredibly cheesy animal prints in loud colors to oversized sweaters with ridiculous puns printed on the chest, Aloy would have been in heaven. If not for her financial situation and pack weight considerations.

"You're better than this," she muttered to herself, clutching at the straps of her pack. A bead of sweat rolled down her temple as she resolutely did her best to move forward and past the merchandise to speak with the cashier about where to go to pick up her drop box.

And then her eyes caught on it. All of her willpower crumbled instantly into dust.

It was a black Star Wars-themed t-shirt with the words "Appalachian Trail" written over top of a picture of Darth Vader, Luke, Leia, and Han Solo, all drawn as cartoonish forest animals. With the text "May the Forest Be With You" scrawled at the bottom.

Aloy was not made strong enough to resist such a perfect temptation. Vader had _moose antlers_ , for God's sake. Her eyes huge and a little frantic, she made a beeline for the rack and dug through it until she found a unisex medium, her preferred size of comfy lounging shirt. When she managed to get ahold of the price tag, she cringed. Of course, it was as overpriced as every other gift shop item ever.

But still worth it.

She was about to make the walk of shame to the cash register when an amused voice sounded out from behind her.

"That's a good one. You gonna buy it?"

Turning with warm cheeks, Aloy came face to face with a girl about her age with dark brown skin and black hair ending in dyed, icy blue tips. An intricate leather headband sat snugly over her bangs, and she was sporting a t-shirt emblazoned with a band Aloy had never heard of before, black jeans, and curiously enough, rubber boots. Her pierced eyebrow was cocked, a friendly grin on her face, and something about her made Aloy instantly feel at ease.

"Uh, yeah," she replied, reaching up to rub the back of her head sheepishly. "I collect novelty t-shirts. Kind of weird, I know."

"It's so not!" the girl exclaimed. "I have a collection myself. Vala, by the way." She stuck out her hand, and Aloy took it, giving it a quick shake.

"Aloy - I mean, Seeker. Whoops."

Vala laughed brightly, and Aloy shot her a grin, deciding she liked her quite a lot.

"A trail name and this whole get-up... I'm going to assume you're a thru-hiker?" Vala's kind brown eyes glimmered with excitement as she gestured to Aloy's bag.

"Yup," Aloy said with a quick nod. "And you can just call me Aloy. Since I already said it and all, no point in sticking to the trail name."

"Talking to randos again, sis?"

A man who looked to be just a bit older and bearing more than a passing resemblance to Vala came into view, poking who was obviously his sister in the arm. He was dressed in jeans and t-shirt, like his sister, and also sporting rubber boots.

"She's a thru-hiker, Varl!" Vala turned to him, her eyes growing huge and distinctly puppy-like.

"Hi," Aloy added helpfully.

"Oh, no," Varl said firmly, shaking his head. "Nope, no way. Not this time, Vala. Mom pinned the blame on me the last time you decided to bring home a stray."

"But she's probably tired and could use a real bed and good food!" Vala protested, grabbing at her brother's arm."

"Um, I think I'll be okay," Aloy interjected awkwardly. She had begun slowly edging away from the arguing pair of siblings, not wanting to be the cause of conflict between two people she had only just met. "I was going to get a bed here at the hostel anyway."

"No way," Vala said, putting her hands on her hips. "You're coming home with us. I'll take the heat from mom this time, Varl. Promise."

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, he rubbed at his nose. "Fine. But you're mowing the lawn for me for the next month. Got it?"

"Fine by me!"

"Guys, really. It's only $20 to stay here, I think I'll be okay - "

Vala turned those adorable puppy eyes on her. "But the hostel doesn't have amazing home cooked meals and a clean shower all the yourself. Plus the privacy of your own room..."

The combination of Vala's earnestness and the offer of total privacy was entirely too much for even Aloy to resist, and she sighed. "All right. I'm going to need a ride back here early tomorrow morning though."

"I've got you covered for that too," Vala said with a grin. "I'm an early bird anyway. Let me run off to the bathroom, and we can get going!"

Before Aloy could respond, the energetic young woman bounced off, leaving her open-mouthed.

"She's a lot, huh?" Varl deadpanned.

"I'm so sorry about this," Aloy said, angling herself towards him despite how red her cheeks definitely were. "I can sneak out the back if you want me to. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble with your mom."

"Nah, it's cool. My mom isn't _that_ bad. Just... kinda stern," he replied with a shrug, flashing a grin at her. "Hey, I don't think I caught your name in all that craziness."

"It's Aloy," she laughed, feeling some of the tension drain from her. "It's nice to meet you, Varl." She held up her t-shirt. "Well, if you don't have any objections to me tagging along, I'm gonna go pay for this and pick up my drop box. Then we can get going."

"Sounds good to me." 

Marching to the cash register, Aloy took a moment to mentally catch up on all that had just occurred. She wasn't used to people being particularly kind to her, especially going out of their way to help out, but things _were_ different out on the trail. Certain individuals enjoyed giving aid to thru-hikers, and Aloy realized with a start that she had just experienced her first bit of trail magic. Usually, a total stranger insisting that she stay the night would be beyond strange - but out on the AT, it was downright normal. Besides, Vala was sweet, and Varl seemed pretty cool. Having some positive attention paid to her for once was new, but she was finding that she enjoyed it.

After she had paid for her shirt and picked up her box, Aloy turned to find Vala standing beside her brother, excitedly gesturing for her to come with them. When she fell into step beside the two, the group headed out of the store and into the parking lot towards an older model blue Jeep.

"You guys are locals, right?" Aloy asked while she loaded her bag into the back cab of the car. She kept her drop box with her, curious as to what exactly Teb had sent along. Despite giving him specific instructions on what exactly to include, he always tended to go above and beyond.

"Yup!" Vala replied, sliding into the passenger's side while Varl adjusted the driver's side seat.

"Damnit, Vala, why are you so short?" he muttered, pulling his seatbelt over his chest. "And yeah, we come out here to go fishing in the creek. And pick up hikers, apparently."

Vala stuck her tongue out at her brother, and Aloy shook her head with a soft chuckle as she slid into the backseat and buckled her own seatbelt. While Varl started the car and backed out of the space, she dug into her pocket and produced her utility knife, then sliced a couple of neat lines through the packing tape.

"Ooo, I've never seen a resupply box opened before," Vala commented. Aloy lifted her gaze to find her entirely twisted around in her seat, peering at her from the gap between the headrest and the seat.

"It's not that interesting," Aloy said wryly, lifting the flaps of the box. "Mostly just food. Once the clothes I have on me begin to wear down, it'll be more of those as well."

On top of several cans of tuna and chicken and bags of freeze dried fruit sat an envelope bearing her name. Opening it, Aloy pulled out the piece of adorable stationary inside with a grin - Teb had always been crafty and had a set of scrapbooking and sewing supplies to rival any old woman's. 

_Aloy,_ the note began, 

_I hope you're doing okay out there, and most importantly, taking care of yourself. I sent this box right after seeing you off at Springer Mountain, and it's a little strange to think that I won't see you again for half a year._

_If anyone can complete this journey, it's you. I'll be back home rooting for you every step of the way, and I'm sure Rost will be as well after he's had time to cool down. Please send me a letter when you get a chance - I put some stamps in here, so you don't have that excuse._

_-Teb_

Her throat closing up, Aloy gripped at the colorful piece of paper for a few seconds longer before carefully folding it back up and tucking it away again for safekeeping. If there was anything from home she would miss over the next half year, it was Teb. Growing up, he had been her babysitter, a gangly teenager from down the street looking to earn some extra cash for his crafting hobbies. Lonely even as a six year old, Aloy had latched on to him immediately. Even after he had moved out of his parents' house and secured an actual job as a tailor, he had kept watching her for Rost, ultimately becoming a permanant fixture. Teb was like a big brother to her, and the only constant in her life besides Rost. 

The rest of the ride passed fairly uneventfully, Vala chattering away in the front seat and fighting with Varl over control of the radio. When they got to Dahlonega, GA - the siblings' incredibly picturesque hometown - twenty minutes after leaving, it wasn't much longer before they pulled into the driveway of a rustic, cabin-style house nestled in the woods.

"Let me go in and talk to mom first," Varl advised, putting the Jeep into park. "It's better if we don't spring this on her."

A few minutes after going inside, he came back outside, his expression tight. But he lifted an arm in the air to wave them in, and Vala pumped her fist in the air with a soft 'hell yeah!'.

"You owe me, big time," Varl muttered as they came to his side. "Mom isn't happy, but she said you could stay the night."

Anxiety gripped at Aloy once again. "Look, the last thing I want to do is impose. I still have my hammock, and you have plenty of trees - "

"Nope!" Vala exclaimed, grabbing at her arm and tugging her towards the door. "Don't worry. She won't take it out on you. Just us later."

When Aloy stepped inside, an imposing woman as short as Vala but appearing much larger due to her stance stood in the foyer, her braided hair gathered up in a tight bun on the top of her head. Mustering up all of her courage, Aloy hesitantly put her hand out. The woman eyed it for a moment with an unreadable expression, but ultimately took it.

"You're Aloy, I presume." Her voice was deep and as stern as her features, and Aloy willed herself not to wilt under that gaze and the vice-grip of her handshake.

"Yes, I am. Ma'am."

"Sona," she said shortly, giving her one more appraising look before turning and heading back down the hallway. "We're having barbeque for dinner. You should probably wash up first."

"Shower's down the hall," Vala stage-whispered from behind her. "First door on your right. I gotta go help Varl with the fish, so seeya in a bit! Oh, and go ahead and leave your dirty clothes in the bathroom - I'll throw 'em in the laundry!"

Vala skipped off outside before Aloy could get another word in. Trudging towards the indicated door, she didn't heave a sigh of relief until she had set down her pack, turned the shower on, and fiddled with the knobs to get the temperature to her liking. 

Stripping her stained, dusty clothes off methodically, Aloy internally berated herself the entire time. These people had been nothing but kind to her, and yet she was already itching to be alone again, away from their questions and the pressure to respond to them. As she stepped into the shower, hissing under the steamy hail of water, Aloy muttered a curse under her breath wished more than anything she could just be normal for two seconds.

It didn't take long for her to wash up, all of the dirt that had formerly caked her body trailing down the drain in a soapy, muddy swirl. The fact that she was now entirely clean for the first time in days and could smell the mouthwatering scent of slow cooking pork did a lot to boost her mood, and the wave of gratitude she felt towards Vala assuaged her guilt over her ungrateful thoughts. So, while she dried off and dressed in the comfy clothes she reserved for camp, Aloy did her best to hold on to that. 

Vala was waiting for her in the hallway, and she fixed Aloy with what she knew now was her trademark beaming smile.

"You hungry?"

"Oh yeah," Aloy replied eagerly, earning a giggle from the other girl. She followed her down the hallway until they hit a cozy kitchen and dining room combo done up in walnut wood trim and earthy tones. Sona and Varl were already seated at the table, digging into their own dinners. 

"Hope you don't mind that we're kind of casual about dinner here," Varl remarked with a wave. "Serve yourself and all that. Plates are on the counter next to the crockpot."

Vala, already digging into the barbeque, handed her one without looking.

Grabbing a couple of the cornmeal-dusted buns also sitting opened on the counter, Aloy shook her head with a wry smile. "Nah, me and Rost - my adoptive father - are the same way. It's cool."

Once Aloy had made her sandwich and settled down in her seat at the sturdy wooden table, silence reigned for several minutes while they all devoured their food. And devour was the right word in Aloy's case - it was _phenomenal_. Some of the reason might have been because Aloy hadn't had a real meal in almost a week, but the way the tender pork coated in what was clearly a homemade sauce melted in her mouth had her taste buds singing with joy.

"Sona, that was amazing," she sighed after reluctantly swallowing her last bite. Aloy eyed the slow cooker mournfully. As much as she wanted more, after two fully loaded sandwiches her stomach was nearing painfully full.

"Thank you." The older woman studied her for a few seconds before asking, "How old are you, Aloy?"

Confusion welled up in her, and she shifted in her seat. "I just turned 22 a few days ago. Why?"

"A young woman your age hiking alone on the Appalachian Trail..." Sona was frowning at her, and Aloy didn't like it one bit. "Why didn't you partner up with someone?"

"Mother..." Varl groaned, burying his face in his hands when Sona shot him a sharp look.

"I can take care of myself," Aloy said tersely. It took all of her effort to keep her fiery temper in check and to remind herself that she was a guest. "I've been doing this since I was six."

"But alone? There are so many bad things that could happen." 

"If it's a hazard, I've probably run into it at one point or another," Aloy said, forcing herself to keep her words measured and neutral. "Just came across a bear a few days ago, in fact, and I dealt that that just fine."

"A bear?" Vala leaned forward, her eyes huge. "I mean, I've seen them, but only ever from a distance. What happened?"

Aloy related the story to the three, including how she had come upon Nil. She knew that was probably a mistake when Sona leaned back in her chair, satisfaction glinting in her deep brown eyes.

"So you had help."

"Mom, stop," Vala interjected with a roll of her eyes. "It's not like she ran into the AT Butcher or anything like that."

Aloy raised a skeptical brow. "The AT Butcher?"

Varl snorted. "An urban legend." At Aloy's wide-eyed, interested look, he sighed and added, "Apparently there's some bogeyman who abducts female thru-hikers off the trail to murder. There's never been any proof of it, though."

"Other than all the missing hikers," Vala added, her voice low and breathy for dramatic effect.

"Well, if I run into this AT Butcher, I'll be sure to say hello for you two," Aloy said dryly, gathering up her plate. Grateful that the subject had shifted enough for the tension to dissipate, she angled towards Sona and asked, "Now, is there anything I can do to help you clean up?"

Thankfully, Sona allowed her to help with the dishes, and Aloy finally felt the last of her apprehension about staying the night dwindle. The older woman even hesitantly chatted with her as they worked, Vala and Varl continuing to hang out in the kitchen and chiming in every so often. By the time Aloy headed to bed in the family's snug little guest bedroom, she had a smile on her face. 

Flinging herself on to the soft, springy mattress, Aloy groaned in total bliss. After an extended moment of simply lying on her back to drink in the comfort of a real bed, she reached over the side of it to fish for her phone. She hadn't yet checked if she had signal out here, and it was probably wise to see if she had gotten any important texts or emails.

When the notifications began to pour in, the smile slid from her face.

Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, Aloy opened her text chain with Rost.

_April 1st, 2010_

_Rost: Aloy, where are you?_

_April 2nd, 2010_

_Rost: I tried calling teb, didn't pick up_

_Rost: Please call me when you have a chance._

_April 4th, 2010_

_Rost: Happy birthday, kiddo. I'm worried about you._

_April 5th, 2010_

_Rost: got in touch with Teb. He says you're okay. Call me_

_April 8th, 2010_

_Rost: Teb gave me your letter. I don't know what to say. Be safe._

Tears burned in Aloy's eyes, and, not bothering check her emails or other messages, she switched off her phone and tossed it towards the end table with so much force that it bounced straight on to the carpeted floor. The last thing she wanted to think about right now was home, and that especially meant Rost. All of those problems were supposed to elsewhere, thousands of miles away where they couldn't hurt her. 

So, Aloy did as she always had when faced with an emotional dilemma. She narrowed down her thoughts, focusing solely on the trail ahead and her goals for the next several days, pushing back all of her anxieties, doubts, and fears until she was released from their suffocating grasp, and they were no more than a tiny ache in her chest. It wasn't a perfect method, but it was enough for her to eventually fall into a fitful sleep.

\--

Definitions/Lingo:

 **Cotton World, The** – Life off of the trail. So called because wearing cotton will not put you in danger of hypothermia. Also known as real life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that t-shirt is real, and you can really get it at the gift shop at Neels Gap! (Speaking of which, I mistakenly referred to it as a town in the first chapter - that was a placeholder until I did more research, and it's been fixed now.)
> 
> I'm going to be tentatively starting a twice weekly posting schedule, seeing as I'm already halfway done with writing this, and I'd like to not be posting this until December. If, however, I can't keep up with that, I'll be moving back to weekly updates. But for now, I've been on a roll and I want to take advantage of that!
> 
> See yinz next week!


	4. Cowboy Camping

**Cowboy Camping** – Where one camps without any shelter - just spread one's pad and bag out under the stars and putting one's faith in their opinion about the weather staying dry.

_April 10th - April 15th, 2010_

As promised, Vala was wide awake and ready to go early the next morning when Aloy exited the guest bedroom with her newly reorganized pack. Handing her the clothes she had washed the night before, Vala offered her breakfast and coffee, but Aloy declined, wanting to get back on the trail as soon as possible.

"I'm so jealous," Vala sighed while they backed out of the driveway. The sun was just beginning to poke out behind the distant mountains, the colors of the world still muted by the lingering night. "I've been wanting to hike the trail forever, but you've seen how my mom is."

Aloy offered her a sympathetic look. "Why couldn't you go with Varl?"

Wrinkling her nose, Vala shook her head. "I can barely stand being around him long enough to have fishing days like yesterday. Six months spending everyday with him would be _torture_. Besides, he's not as into the whole hiking and backpacking thing as I am."

"Maybe someday you'll find a friend who'd be willing to do it with you," Aloy replied encouragingly. "It's a pretty big challenge, but you seem like the type who could handle it."

Vala laughed, waving a hand at her, but that infectious smile remained on her face. "Thanks, Aloy."

The rest of the drive passed without incident, and when Aloy slipped out of the Jeep in the deserted parking lot of Mountain Crossings, Vala opened her own door and skipped to her side.

"It was really nice meeting you, Vala," Aloy said softly. Vala immediately spread her arms for a hug, and Aloy didn't hesitate to give it, squeezing her briefly but tightly before letting go. She wasn't generally a hugger, but she truly had enjoyed Vala's company, and for a moment she let herself wonder wistfully about what kind of friends they could have been if circumstances were different. "Thanks for everything. Seriously."

"It was no problem at all," Vala chirped, hopping back into her car. Rolling down the window, she raised an eyebrow, a mock-stern look tightening her features. "As long as you promise that if you're ever in Georgia again, you'll stop by and say hi."

"I'll be sure to do that," she replied. Vala grinned and gave her a final cheery wave, and Aloy watched the car while it turned out of the parking lot and then was swallowed up by the woods. She was surprised to find that the potent sense of relief that would have normally filled her at being alone again was muted and distant. But there was no time to dwell, because the sun had entirely risen by now, and she had miles to conquer before it set.

Four more days of hiking, and Aloy finally felt as though she were getting into the swing of things. Pacing herself was becoming near effortless, and she no longer felt as strong of an urge to race ahead as she once had - her philosophy was slowly being molded into she'd get there when she got there, a huge adjustment after years of chasing after every goal with single-minded determination as fast as humanly possible.

The Georgia-North Carolina border was coming up quickly, and with every mile traversed her anticipation for this first big milestone increased. April 13th, less than ten days after beginning her journey, was the day she crossed that imaginary border, and pride burst within Aloy with every new step she took. Not even the fact that it had been raining off and on all day could dampen her good mood - she had hiked through a good portion of an entire state, and her self-confidence was at an all-time high. One down, thirteen to go, became her oft repeated mantra, keeping her spirits high and warding off any thoughts that lead towards wondering what was going on back home or the texts still sitting unanswered on her phone.

It was near the end of the next day, just a half mile from Big Spring Shelter, when Aloy ran into a familiar face.

Despite the fact that his back was to her, busy laying out his sleeping pad as he was, she recognized the broad set of his shoulders and the curiously languid way he moved immediately. A faded red trucker hat with a stylized fish and some sort of saying emblazoned on it sat backwards on his head, and her brow knitted as she got closer in an attempt to read it.

"'Woman Want Me, Fish Fear Me'," Aloy read under her breath. She rolled her eyes. "Charming."

Having obviously heard her, Nil angled his head towards her, surprise flashing briefly over his face.

"Well, hello there, little Seeker."

"Nil," Aloy said neutrally, staying rooted to where she was.

"I'm glad we've run into each other again," he said, standing and dusting off his hands. He turned to her, a pleasant grin on his face.

Aloy cocked her head. "You're glad? Why?"

"It gets lonely out here," Nil responded, shrugging and stuffing his hands into his pockets. "And you're good company."

"You've met me exactly once, for all of twenty minutes," Aloy said matter-of-factly. "I don't think that's enough time to tell whether I'm good company or not."

"Eh, I'm decent enough at reading people." He pulled one of his hands from his pocket and laid it on his goatee, rubbing at the wiry hairs thoughtfully. "Are you headed to the shelter?"

"I am," Aloy confirmed, angling herself back towards the trail, but curiosity nagged at her. "Why aren't you?"

"I prefer to camp by myself," he said, offering no further explanation.

A few awkward, silent seconds passed before Aloy said, "Well, I've gotta get going. Shelter's still a ways up ahead." Before she could take a step, however, Nil's voice stopped her.

"Why don't you hang out here for awhile? I could use the conversation. And I don't like to boast, but I'm a damn good cook. Even in the wilderness. I'll make you some dinner as thanks."

Biting at her lip, Aloy turned back to face him, eying him skeptically. If their last encounter was any indication, a conversation with Nil would be fraught with his... _interesting_ way of speaking, and she wasn't sure if she was in the mood to deal with it. On the other hand, not having to worry about food for the evening was an enormous draw. And as much as she hated to admit it, Aloy had never met anyone quite like Nil. The thought of learning more about him was oddly intriguing.

Her mind apparently made up, Aloy sighed and tugged her pack off, unceremoniously dropping it next to his. Excitement shimmered in his grey eyes, and a strange fluttering sensation filled her gut.

"Just let me get the camp stove started. How does fried rice sound?"

Aloy's eyebrows shot so high they nearly hit the bandana in her hair. "Fried rice? You can make that out here?"

Nil chuckled, clearly pleased with himself. "Oh, sure. Instant rice, freeze dried veggies, powdered eggs, and soy sauce packets - plus some of my own spices - and you've got fried rice. It's one of my favorites."

Her stomach grumbled loudly in response to the tantalizing list of ingredients. A dish of that caliber was practically Michelin Star worthy while backpacking, and however weird Nil got, such a gourmet dinner alone would make her stay here worth it.

Sauntering over to his pack again, Nil gestured to the sleeping pad beside him. "You can go ahead and have a seat there while I cook, if you'd like."

With her legs as tired as they were after a long day of mostly uphill hiking, Aloy didn't hesitate. Giving a wincing groan, she eased herself down on to the padded surface, immediately stretching her legs out in front of her and rubbing at some of the achier muscles.

Watching as he pulled his camp stove and ultralight cook set out of his bag, Aloy brushed her fingers over the spongy material beneath her ponderously. "So, were you planning on setting up your tent later? I'm assuming you're a groundling if you have a sleeping pad."

Glancing up at the sky for a brief second, Nil then returned his attention to the sealed containers of food he was currently sifting through. "Nah, not tonight. I think the weather will hold."

Aloy grinned despite herself. "Cowboy camping. How bold of you."

"Oh, you know, I like to live on the edge," Nil replied, amusement bobbing through his voice. "Really though, there's something about sleeping under the stars that's uniquely peaceful. I do it every chance I get."

Memories of weekend nights spent in the backyard of her childhood home among the fireflies and beneath the moon cycled unbidden through Aloy's head. Rost, laying on his back beside her in the downy grass, pointing out the constellations in a sea of stars to her younger self, her bright eyes full of innocent wonder. Falling asleep right there, only to wake the next morning snug in her own bed, the covers pulled up carefully over her tiny form.

"Yeah," she said quietly, staring off into the distant brush. "It's nice, isn't it?"

Nil spared her an indecipherable look, but didn't say anything else while he worked on prepping their dinner. Content to simply sit and let her mind wander, Aloy leaned back on her arms and gazed up at the twilight-washed canopy of trees above them. The silence that settled between them was shockingly comfortable, the only noises the hissing of the stove's flame and the occasional scrape of utensil over cookware. Soon, the mouth-watering scent of real food filled the clearing, and before she knew it Nil was handing her a spork and a plate filled to the brim with steaming rice.

"Enjoy," he said simply, before settling down beside her and digging into his own dinner.

At the first bite, Aloy couldn't help the moan that spilled out of her. Nil hadn't been lying - he was a fantastic cook. This was quite possibly the best food she'd ever eaten while backpacking, and she eagerly inhaled every last grain of rice and bit of egg on her plate.

"I take it you enjoyed it?" Nil said with a smirk when she set her plate down next to her. He was eating at a normal, human pace and therefore only about halfway done, and Aloy glanced down at her folded hands sheepishly.

"Um, yeah. Sorry. Thanks, Nil. Seriously, it was amazing."

Those silver eyes were warm when she looked back up at him, and that fluttering feeling in her stomach returned. "Don't apologize, Seeker. I'm glad. It's not often I get to cook for anyone but myself."

That ever-present curiosity tugged at her again. "Oh? No one waiting for you back home?"

Nil shook his head slowly, suddenly fixated on his food. "No, no. I just moved back to Pennsylvania recently."

"Where were you living before?"

"California." A bitter smirk twisted his lips.

"Oh? Where were you?" Aloy asked, her interest piqued even more. "I went to school there. University of California at Berkeley."

Nil laughed shortly. "Somehow I'm not surprised. I clocked you for a smart one the moment we met." His expression grew tight, his lips pursed. "No, we were on opposite sides of the state. Camp Pendleton."

Aloy blinked rapidly when she realized why the name sounded so familiar. "You were...a marine?"

With a nod, Nil said wearily, "Infantry, 1st Battalion, 1st Marines. I was enlisted for eight years and left as a Staff Sergeant and with a whole bunch of useless medals."

"You've been to war," Aloy blurted out, immediately wishing she could shove the words right back in her mouth when a dark look spread like oil over Nil's face.

"Yes. I have." Shoving another bite of rice in his mouth, he chewed mechanically then swallowed. "Two separate ones, in fact."

Frantically, Aloy grasped for any change of subject she could find. "I...um, I was an environmental engineering major. Minor in robotics."

Finally, some of the building tension left Nil's body, and Aloy felt herself relax as well. "Well, that sure is a fancy degree. Although I'm assuming you're not doing anything with it at the moment, seeing as you're a thru-hiker."

"No, I'm not," Aloy said, running her fingers through her wildly tangled hair with a visible wince. "I graduated this past December, and I guess I haven't felt ready to settle down into anything yet."

"Out here finding yourself, huh?" Aloy bristled at Nil's words, but there was no hint of judgement in his eyes, only keen interest. "Anyone back home waiting for you?"

For some reason, apprehension filled his tone. Aloy tilted her head before answering, "Just my adoptive father, Rost. Oh, and Teb too. He's kind of like my big brother."

Blatant relief relaxed the lines on Nil's face, and she frowned in confusion. "I see. They're holding down the fort for you, then?"

Aloy grimaced. "Well, Teb is, at least. Rost didn't know I was leaving because I kind of snuck out in the middle of the night."

"Wow, you _are_ a flighty one," Nil laughed, his mirth only increasing when Aloy scowled at him. "What? It's obvious, little Seeker."

"It's not that," she protested. "I've just never had a great relationship with him, okay?"

"I can understand that." His laughter had calmed, deep sympathy settling over his face instead, Reaching over Aloy abruptly, he stacked his plate on top of hers. Having him so close had her cheeks flushing until they felt as though they had caught fire, and she was ridiculously thankful that the light had dimmed enough that they weren't visible. Probably.

"Enough depressing shit," Nil said with a sigh, sitting back up. "What do you like to do for fun, beyond the obvious?"

Bringing her knees to her chest, Aloy wrapped her arms around them, chewing at the inside of her cheek. "I guess my other biggest hobby would have to be archery, specifically bow hunting - usually ducks, geese, and turkeys. Outside of outdoorsy stuff, though, I really like antiquing a lot."

"A Seeker and a huntress!" Nil exclaimed, his eyes wide with interest. "I'll have you know bow hunting is one of my favorite pastimes as well, although I prefer larger game."

"Really?" Forgetting herself for a moment, Aloy leaned closer to him eagerly. "Most people I know prefer rifles. But ever since Rost taught me how to shoot my first recurve bow when I was a kid, I've been pretty much obsessed. Although I moved to a compound bow later on."

"Yeah, I prefer a compound as well," he replied, resting his weight back on his hands and gazing at her wistfully. "There's something more visceral about hunting with arrows rather than bullets. Nocking and drawing an arrow, breathing in time with your prey, finding that perfect shot, letting your grip drop..."

"And then watching it fly home," Aloy breathed.

"Exactly." Nil's eyes searched hers, his lips slightly parted, and Aloy's breath caught at the intensity of his rapt stare.

Several long moments passed before Aloy realized just how close her face was to Nil's. With a start, she jerked back, her heart pounding erratically in her chest.

She stood so abruptly that a wave of lightheadedness washed over her. "I should probably get going to the shelter now."

"It's already dark, huntress," Nil said, rising to his feet himself. "I wouldn't mind it if you hang your hammock here for the night, as long as you hang your food in a bear bag as well. Actually, I'm going to insist that you stay. Hiking alone at night can be dangerous."

"I..." Aloy glanced around the clearing, her shoulders slumping when she realized that it had indeed grown too dark to see much. "You're right. I'm too tired to start walking again anyway."

"Pack your food and toiletries up, and we'll find a suitable spot for our bags," Nil said, crouching down to organize his own sack before throwing her a sly smirk. "As grateful as I am to the last bear for bringing us together, I'm not particularly keen on getting mauled in my sleep."

Aloy's face heated once again, and as she stopped down to pack her smellier items, she wondered frustratedly if her time around Nil would be spent with permanently red cheeks.

Because of the risk associated with roaming bears and their sharp sense of smell, bear bags were always hung from high tree branches - 20 feet in the air was the standard - at least 100 feet downwind of a hiker's camp. Aloy preferred to use the tried and true method of attaching a carabiner to a length of rope, filling a small stuff sack with rocks and clipping the carabiner to that, then throwing the rock bag over her selected branch. It usually took a few tries, but tonight Aloy got it on the first try, and she couldn't help the smug grin she sent towards Nil, who was already on his third attempt.

"Good job, little huntress," he returned good-naturedly, giving her an appraising look. "You have quite the arm on you."

The praise had warmth pooling in her chest while she grabbed the bag of rocks, unhooked it from the carabiner, and replaced it with her bear bag. Feeding the other end of the rope through the clip, she pulled on it until the sack was suspended high above her. Aloy grabbed a small stick she had picked up on the short walk to the tree Nil had chosen and, reaching as high as she could, tied it to the rope. Carefully, she slackened her grip on the rope, satisfaction welling up in her when the stick acted like the stopper it was intended to be.

Nil took a few more minutes to arrange his bag to his liking, and when he finished, they walked back to camp, where he helped her hang her hammock. Although she was generally accustomed to setting up her gear herself, Aloy had to admit that the extra help was nice - and had her done in about half the time.

"Well, I think that's it," she commented, turning to face Nil. "I'm going to head to bed now, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." He offered her a small but earnest smile. "Thank you for spending time with me tonight. It meant more than you know."

"No problem," Aloy replied, giving him one last lingering look before she hoisted herself up in her hammock. Once she was situated, she leaned over to peer down at him through the netting. "Goodnight, Nil."

"Sweet dreams, little Seeker."

Rolling on to her back, Aloy exhaled slowly. She was wide awake, her thoughts going a million miles per hour, and she knew it would take a moment for her to settle. The evening hadn't gone the way she had anticipated, not in the slightest. Nil had been unexpectedly courteous and kind to her, and the fact that they had a shared love of archery had been a pleasant surprise. Even though he could be peculiarly intense at times, he was also incredibly calm and patient. Aloy was quickly coming to realize that the veteran was a study in contrasts, and she wasn't quite sure what to think about that yet. What she did know that she felt oddly safe around him, and pangs of disappointment prickled in her chest at the thought of their parting in the morning.

"Stupid," she muttered quietly to herself, curling up on her side. "You'll probably run into him again soon enough anyway."

Eventually, despite her frustratingly overactive brain, exhaustion overwhelmed her as it always did out here, and Aloy sank into a deep, dreamless sleep. And when the two hikers woke up and went their separate ways the next the morning, all Aloy could think about was the next time their paths would cross.

(Fantastically hilarious art by @banook)

\--

Definitions/Lingo:

 **Groundling** – Anyone who sleeps on the ground, on purpose.

 **Bear Bag** – A bag used by hikers to hang their food out of reach of bears and other critters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Nil!! This chapter marks the start of him appearing more frequently, for reasons you'll find out...
> 
> I added a chapter count! My outline says 20 chapters plus epilogue, and while that may change slightly, it likely won't. So there you go!
> 
> Also, I'd really really like some more comments on this! I know this fandom is very eh about modern AUs, but I see the view count and I wanna know what some of yinz think! Even if it's just something really basic like "I enjoyed this". 
> 
> See yinz in a few days!


	5. Misery Index

**Misery Index** – A scale that attempts to place a hiker’s state of suffering and misery into numerical form; a score of ten is absolute misery, while a score of one borders on blissfulness.

\--

_April 15th - April 21st, 2010_

Wayah Shelter, NC, April 16th

_Dear little Seeker,_

_Seeing as I can't find your name in this logbook, I somehow seem to have gotten ahead of you again. Hopefully this poem snippet with give you some inspiration to pick up your pace and push yourself a little more._

_Good timber does not grow with ease,_   
_The stronger wind, the stronger trees,_   
_The further sky, the greater length,_   
_The more the storm, the more the strength._   
_By sun and cold, by rain and snow,_   
_In trees and men good timbers grow._

_-Except from "Good Timber" by Douglas Malloch_

_-Nil_

_To Nil, even though you won't ever read this,_

_Don't be so smug. I'm simply learning how to enjoy myself out here. The AT isn't a sprint - it's a marathon. Maybe it's you who needs to find the inspiration to enjoy life beyond thrill-seeking._

_-Seeker_

Sassafras Gap Shelter, NC, April 18th

_Dear Seeker,_

_I'm assuming you stopped by Nantahala Nature Center. It's a shame that I haven't yet run into you again, because I've read that the whitewater rafting here is excellent, and it would have been a fun activity to do with a partner. Perhaps we'll happen across each other around a similar waterway at some point._

_River! that in silence windest_   
_Through the meadows, bright and free,_   
_Till at length thy rest thou findest_   
_In the bosom of the sea!_

_Four long years of mingled feeling,_   
_Half in rest, and half in strife,_   
_I have seen thy waters stealing_   
_Onward, like the stream of life._

_-Excerpt from "To the River Charles", by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

_Nil, who still won't read this,_

_I see you haven't taken my advice about thrill-seeking to heart. Although...all right, I'll give it to you that whitewater rafting sounds really fun. I've never done it before, but I'm not sure if you're the kind of person I'd like to do it with. You'd probably try to tip the raft for fun._

_That poem is actually really nice. A little sad, though._

_-Seeker_

Fontana Dam Shelter, NC, April 20th

_Dearest Seeker,_

_Fontana Dam has quite the view, doesn't it? It's the highest dam in the eastern United States, apparently. You can see for miles from the thru-way on top, and the forest seems to go on forever. The trees are so bright and so green at this point in the season - they remind me a little of your eyes, actually. I hope you enjoy the sight as much as I did._

_Deep mists of longing blur the land_   
_as in your late October eve:_   
_almost I think your hand might leave_   
_its old caress upon my hand —_   
_for sure this floating world of dream_   
_hath touch'd that far reality_   
_of memory's heaven; nor would I deem_   
_the chance a strange one, if to thee_   
_my feet should stray ere fall the night,_   
_or, reaching to that lucent shore,_   
_these eyes should wake on tenderer light_   
_to greet the spring and thee once more._

_-"Deep Mists of Longing Blur the Land", by Christopher John Brennan_

_-Nil_

Aloy's brow knitted while she lounged in the Fontana Dam Shelter and read through Nil's latest note, her confusion rising with each consecutive word. His previous messages had been much lighter, with gentle teasing woven throughout his sentences, but this one felt much heavier, choked with a strange sense of yearning that had her heart squeezing in sympathy for him. The compliment regarding her eyes didn't escape her, and the puzzle that was Nil only became more hopelessly tangled in her mind. At this point, however, she had to admit that she was growing fond of him and had begun to look forward to his notes to her. It wasn't even a stretch anymore to say that she genuinely liked him.

If she were being honest, Nil had consumed most of her thoughts since the morning they had separated nearly a week ago, and after this entry, Aloy was suddenly eager to see him again for reasons she couldn't quite articulate. That night, she fell asleep thinking about what she might say to him when they met up again.

The next day dawned unseasonably warm and muggy, and as Aloy got underway, her mood soured with each passing quarter mile. It felt as though she were plodding through a thick bisque of humidity, causing her to drag her feet to the point that, around midday, she realized the day might just be a wash. She wasn't _that_ far from her next destination - Mollie's Ridge Shelter - and could easily make up the miles the next day if the weather wasn't as disgusting. Even though she was excited about her imminent crossing into Tennessee and Great Smokey Mountains National Park, it wasn't enough to keep her going. Plus, Aloy hadn't yet taken a single rest day, and she'd probably earned it with how hard she'd been pushing herself over the last two and a half weeks.

Her mind made up, Aloy began the search for a suitable campsite after a quick check of her map revealed that she was in a location where dispersed camping was allowed (and honestly, even if it wasn't, she wasn't above stealthing it). With a hammock, ideal campsites were much easier to find - without the requirement for level ground that a tent would demand, all she needed was close access to a water source, and luckily Nantahala National Forest was cut through with several creeks.

Sure enough, less than twenty minutes went by before Aloy happened upon a small, cozy clearing not far from the trail and just uphill from one of these babbling waterways. Dropping her pack with a relieved moan, she promptly cringed when the sticky air breezed over her exposed back, making her painfully aware of just how much she had sweat during her morning of hiking. It was looking like her expedition to the creek had just become more involved than simply refilling her water bottle.

The thought of submerging herself into the toe-curlingly icy mountain water had Aloy excitedly grabbing said bottle and jogging the half mile down the hill, leaving her pack unattended against a sturdy maple tree. Soon, the sounds of lazily running water filled her ears, and the creek came into view. It was highly unlikely that she'd run into anyone this far out, so she eagerly stripped down to her sports bra and underwear, the lack of clothing already doing a lot to cool her down.

A sigh escaped Aloy as she stepped into the chilled water, hardening into a hiss when she sank down into one of the larger pools she could find. Agile water striders zipped around her busily, and once the silt had settled beneath her, the tiny minnows abundant in this kind of stream swirled about, kissing curiously at her toes and fingers. Happy to merely bask and think of nothing but the feel of the water on her bare skin and the sound of buzzing insects, she allowed her eyes to drift shut, leaning back onto a slippery, algae-speckled boulder.

With nothing to do for the rest of the day, Aloy dozed for way longer than she normally would have, reticent to deal with the stifling humidity again. But eventually her stomach began to grumble, then clench angrily with hunger, and after roughly two hours she finally, reluctantly stood and went to retrieve her clothes. Figuring the walk back to her chosen campsite would dry her off for the most part, she bundled her shirt and leggings up in an arm and began the trek back.

But when Aloy reached her chosen campsite, her fledgling good mood abruptly died. Her clothes slid from her grasp, horror curling in a stranglehold around her throat as she gazed over the scene in front of her.

Her pack had been ripped nearly in two, her gear and what remained of her precious supplies scattered haphazardly about the clearing and into the woods. Numbly, Aloy staggered towards her backpack, dropping to her knees and gripping at the fabric with shaking fingers. The only creatures capable of inflicting this much destruction were humans and bears, and from the fact that all of her food containers had been torn apart and cleaned out, she had a good guess at which it had been.

A furious scream tore from her, and tears gathered in her eyes. Thousands of dollars of top of the line gear ruined, just like that - and the worst part of it all was that this was entirely her fault. Stupidly, she had left her things unattended, unhung, and ripe for the picking. It was a novice mistake, one that Aloy had no business making with her years of experience. And now that she was in the Smokies - one of the most remote parts of the trail - it was either turn back, attempt to rely on hitchhiking to the nearest town, or hike the 70 miles to the next outfitter at Standing Bear Farm.

Aloy's mind circled repeatedly through her sparse options while she roughly tugged on her clothes, berating herself the entire time. By the time she finished dressing, some of her initial panic had subsided, and she mechanically took stock of what had been spared in the carnage.

Most of her clothes seemed to have survived, including the ridiculous Star Wars parody t-shirt (which granted her the briefest, most irrational crumb of relief), but her hammock was ripped almost beyond repair. Little items like her deodorant and travel shampoo had also been destroyed - bears didn't tend to discriminate between food and other strongly scented items. More durable gear like her cookware had also made it, not like that mattered without any actual food to cook in it. Aloy gathered everything up in her torn pack, occasionally wiping away the tears that continued to fall from her eyes with a jerky swipe of her forearm.

Seeing as the pack was no longer functional as an actual backpack, she dragged it behind her by one of the buckles, a tedious and exhausting task. By the time she reached the trail, her breathing was labored, her hopelessness more overwhelming than it had ever been in her life, her misery index sitting at about an eleven out of ten. Collapsing by the side of the trail, Aloy drew her knees up and buried her face in her hands. Her only remaining option seemed to be to wait for another hiker to pass by and plead for help, and who knew how long that would take.

As it turned out, not very long at all.

"Seeker?"

The sound of her trail name uttered by a blessedly familiar voice sometime later had Aloy's heart stuttering to a stop. There was no possible way it was him, he had been at least a day ahead of her, and yet -

Slowly lifting her head, Aloy locked eyes with the one person on the trail she could actually call a friend.

"Nil," she whispered. Then wild, manic laughter poured from her, and she jumped to her feet. Recklessly, she threw her arms around his neck, pure joy and relief bursting like fireworks within her chest. He was warm, solid, and most importantly, _real_. "Nil, oh my god! I'm so glad to see you."

"You are?" Nil had gone very still, his words soft and tentative. But when Aloy finally remembered herself enough to unwind her arms from him and draw back, her cheeks burning, unabashed hope was lighting up his face. It was replaced by somber seriousness as his gaze dropped to the ruined pack at her feet.

"What happened?" His hand found Aloy's shoulder, steadying her rather than bringing her the awkward discomfort she would have expected. Then again, she hadn't ever experienced a failure of this magnitude before, and having someone go out of their way to attempt to comfort her was...really nice, actually.

"I was really, really stupid," she replied, forcing a fresh round of tears back. "I went to go cool down in the creek, and I didn't hang my pack. I'm sure you can guess what happened."

His eyes lifted to hers again after a moment, shining with sympathy. "I'm not going to tell you anything you've likely already been thinking. It was a mistake, and we all make them. This one just happened to have worse consequences than others. What's important right now is that you're safe and that you come up with a plan going forward."

"I guess...I guess I'm going to have to turn back. You know, get off." Actually saying those horrible words out loud had a fresh wave of despair cresting over Aloy, and she couldn't suppress the sob that tore from her.

Nil's thumb began rubbing soothing circles into the dip of her collarbone. Hesitantly, she leaned into his grounding touch. "I don't think that'll be necessary, little huntress."

At this, fury roared through Aloy, and she jerked away from him as though she had been burned.

"I don't need useless platitudes right now, Nil," she hissed, waving a hand towards the mess on the ground. "Did you get a good look at my gear? Does that seem _at all_ salvageable to you?"

He only looked her over calmly, unperturbed by her biting words. "No, it doesn't. But from what I can see, your pack isn't totally wasted, and I have a sewing kit in my bag with upholstery thread. We can at least temporarily patch it up until we get to the next outfitter."

Frustration continued to needle at Aloy. "In case you didn't notice, my hammock is ruined. I don't have any food. Sewing my pack back together doesn't fix either of those things."

"And that's why, if you'd listen for a moment, I was going to offer use of my tent and to share my food with you until we get to Standing Bear." A crooked grin tugged at Nil's lips. "My tent is a two person because I like the space, and I always carry extra food anyway."

Rendered speechless, Aloy could do nothing but stare at the man in front of her. Whatever she had been expecting from him, it wasn't this - a level of generosity and kindness she'd never before experienced from anyone. After the way they had initially met, she had assumed many things about him, assumptions that were gradually being dismantled and proven more and more incorrect each time their paths crossed. Warning her about the bear, making her actual food for dinner, and now offering to travel with her and share his supplies so she didn't have to quit her attempt at her most precious of dreams - it was almost too much for her to process.

Nil tilted his head, his grin wavering. "That is, if you'd like to. I know sharing a tent with someone you barely know is an awkward situation, to say the least. I won't pressure you either way."

"I..." Aloy had to swallow back the gritty lump of emotion that had gotten lodged in her throat. Clearly Nil didn't know her well enough yet to understand that, to her, his offer wasn't a choice. In all things, there was only one possible option for Aloy Sobeck: persevere.

"Yeah. Okay."

The smile that spread over Nil's face was so unabashedly elated that her stomach did a series of intense somersaults. For a moment, Aloy's fingers twitched with the urge to do - something.

"I can repay you when we get to an ATM," she added, twisting her fingers together. "I don't know how much I'll be able to spare after new gear, but it should be enough at least to cover the cost of food - "

"No." The word was firm and final, his eyes as unyielding as steel. "That's not at all necessary."

"If you won't take money, then there has to be something else I can do for you," Aloy protested, and her hand did move then, rising to grip at his lower arm briefly. Nil's eyes flicked down to it, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Your fine company is more than enough for me, little Seeker," he said once Aloy dropped her hold on him. "Honestly, I would have preferred to do my thru-hike with a partner, but I had no one in my life willing to do this with me. You'd be doing me a favor."

Aloy sighed, running her fingers through her still-damp hair. "All right, if you insist. But I'm going to pull my weight, and if you need me to do _anything_ for you, promise me that you'll ask."

Nil held up three fingers and said solemnly, "Scout's honor. You can start by sitting back down and letting me sew up your pack."

She eyeballed him for a moment, then settled cross-legged on the ground.

"I can sew up my own bag, you know," Aloy muttered.

Nil chuckled, shrugging off his own pack and sitting beside her. He gathered up the jagged edges of the ripped fabric and inspected them closely. "That's the Seeker I've come to know. And I doubt you'll finish as quickly or as neatly as me. I've been living alone since I turned 18, and clothes don't mend themselves."

Aloy rose to the challenge with a vengeance, determined to prove her usefulness somehow. "Oh yeah? Well, I was personally taught how to sew by Denver's best tailor, back when he was my babysitter. I've been sewing since I was six."

"Impressive," Nil mused, rifling around in his bag until he produced a small sewing kit. Snapping it open, he plucked out a couple of chunky needles and a spool of black upholstery thread. "Well, there's enough to be done that I think we can both work on it and finish in half the time. Would that please you?"

Nodding, Aloy took the offered needle, and the pair got to work. She was surprised to find that Nil's stitches were just as precise and even as her own, and when their threads met in the middle sometime later, it appeared as if only one person had mended the bag rather than two.

Taking the pack with her, she rose to her feet, looping her arms through the shoulder straps. Aloy spun in a circle, walked a few paces, jumped in place - and to her utmost relief, their stitching held beautifully. The last of her anxiety about having to get off the trail melted away, and she shot a beaming grin Nil's way.

"Thank you so much," she said fervently, coming back to his side when he stood as well. "Nil, seriously, you have no idea what this means to me."

A smile, softer around the edges than usual, formed on his face. "I think I do, little huntress."

Aloy ignored the strange things that particular smile did to her heart in favor of her steadily growing curiosity. "I was wondering, though...from your log entries, you were definitely ahead of me. How did you get behind me again?"

Nil shrugged, glancing away for a moment. "I took a couple of rest days because I had been pushing myself so hard. And now I'm glad I did." A spark of interest had ignited in his eye by the time he looked back at her. "You found my entries, then. Did you enjoy the poetry?"

"I did," Aloy said thoughtfully, thinking back on the oddly wistful excerpts he had chosen. "I'm assuming that's one of your other hobbies, then?"

"Words, and the way we can manipulate them, has always been a fascinating subject to me," Nil replied. He paused for a moment, frowning in consideration, then bent over his pack and pulled a well-worn paperback from one of the outer pockets. "Since I don't think we're going to be hiking for the rest of the day, why don't you show me where you decided to camp? I could read you some of my favorites. You seem like you could use the break anyway."

Aloy couldn't say no to the level of naked enthusiasm lighting up his face - she got that way about certain subjects, after all - so she lead him back to the clearing, where they took their time spreading out beside each other next to a swathe of tall grass peppered through with baby's breath.

Once the pair was situated - Aloy now in possession of a protein bar courtesy of her new hiking partner - Nil flipped open the book to a dogeared page, and, clearing his throat, said softly, "This one is called 'I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud', by William Wordsworth."

_I wandered lonely as a cloud_   
_That floats on high o'er vales and hills,_   
_When all at once I saw a crowd,_   
_A host, of golden daffodils;_   
_Beside the lake, beneath the trees,_   
_Fluttering and dancing in the breeze._

_Continuous as the stars that shine_   
_And twinkle on the milky way,_   
_They stretched in never-ending line_   
_Along the margin of a bay:_   
_Ten thousand saw I at a glance,_   
_Tossing their heads in sprightly dance._

_The waves beside them danced; but they_   
_Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:_   
_A poet could not but be gay,_   
_In such a jocund company:_   
_I gazed—and gazed—but little thought_   
_What wealth the show to me had brought:_

_For oft, when on my couch I lie_   
_In vacant or in pensive mood,_   
_They flash upon that inward eye_   
_Which is the bliss of solitude;_   
_And then my heart with pleasure fills,_   
_And dances with the daffodils._

While he recited the poem, his voice lyrical yet wistful, something in Aloy sprouted and took root. She wasn't sure exactly what this feeling was, or what it meant, only that it filled her with a simple kind of wholeness, a sense of completion she hadn't yet experienced in her life. And for a singular moment, for one brief instant, she was almost glad that today had gone the way it had.

\--

Definitions/Lingo:

 **Stealth Camp(or stealthing)** – A manner of camping where there is no indication that you are there, and no trace of your being there is left when you've left. Sometimes used as a term for camping illegally on public or private land.

 **Getting Off** – The polite way to say someone is quitting their thru-hike, the implication being he/she may get back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Aloy, had to get you to hike with Nil somehow...
> 
> If you're going backpacking, always hang or seal your food in a canister! Don't be Aloy! 😂
> 
> I also totally spaced and forgot to include some fun art toxcatl on here/banook on tumblr did for the last chapter while I was brainstorming it - so check it out!
> 
> See yinz on Monday!


	6. Trail Legend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CONTENT WARNING: MILD DRUG USE (MARIJUANA)**

**Trail Legend** – In most cases see “trail bum”, in the rare occasion these are people who have hiked all the long trails multiple times, have good advice and “pretty much live on the trail”.

\--

_April 21st - April 26th_

One thing became abundantly clear to Aloy while she traveled with Nil through the Smokey Mountains:

She was not used to having a hiking partner. At all.

It wasn't that hiking with someone else was a bad experience, necessarily - it just took some getting used to. Rather than making all of the important decisions herself, Aloy actually had to take time to discuss them with Nil and deal with the strange new territory of compromise. When to stop and eat, what time to wake up, when to go to bed, pacing, and the biggest point of contention between them: sleeping arrangements.

Aloy preferred sleeping right next to the shelters, with easy access to water, a privy, and often a fire ring. More importantly, they all contained bear boxes, so rather than going through the twenty minute ordeal of hanging a bear bag, she could simply throw her items in there and forget about them for the night. Shelters existed for a reason, she had explained to Nil, and they might as well take advantage of the free lodging and amenities (as sparse as they were).

The evening she had stumbled upon him camping a ways up from the shelter hadn't been a fluke, it turned out. Nil really did prefer to camp off by himself, and he continued to be as frustratingly evasive as to his reasoning as he had been that day.

"Can't we at least alternate days?" Aloy asked late one afternoon while they searched for a suitable site in the pouring rain. It was becoming a Herculean effort to keep the frustration from her voice, but she was somehow managing. "That way we're both satisfied."

Nil shook his head, not even bothering to look at her. "No, huntress, I'm afraid not."

"Why?" Ire was quickly building in her, already well past her ability to smother it. "Maybe if you gave me a reason, I might understand more."

When he finally turned to face her, his expression was tight, but there was bitter sorrow reflected in the grey of his eyes. "And maybe, one of these nights, you'll understand why I prefer it this way."

That gave Aloy pause. Whatever the reason was, it seemed to be a touchy subject for Nil. Incredibly aware that she was still in his debt, she finally let the subject drop, now fighting against the curiosity that was rapidly taking the place of her annoyance.

 _You will not pry, Aloy_ , she told herself firmly while they walked on. _This seems like one of those really personal things, and if you find out, you find out._

Actually sleeping next to one another was a different matter entirely. Even though Nil's tent technically slept two people, he was not a small man by any means. Despite his sleeping bag, he had a propensity to somehow wiggle out of it overnight and sprawl out over the length of the tent, usually partially over Aloy. Uncomfortable enough due to her lack of a sleeping pad (she had declined Nil's offer to split use of his, ever determined not to be a burden), the fact that she now often woke up with an arm or leg thrown over her made bedtime a dreaded part of the day - and it wasn't because of his encroachment into her coveted personal space.

It was because Aloy had figured out what she was experiencing in regards to Nil - a _crush_. And Aloy Sobeck did not often contract crushes.

The last time she could recall feeling like this was was back in high school, at the height of her hormonal teenage angst. A pretty girl in one of her classes had accidentally brushed her hand over Aloy's one day while helping her pick up a dropped binder, and for weeks after the moment had lingered on her mind and colored her cheeks everytime she caught a glimpse of her classmate. But it hadn't been strong enough for her to actually do anything about, and it died away quickly enough. She had more important issues to be worrying about, anyway.

This was different. As much as she tried to tell herself that it was because Nil was painfully attractive and well-built with some of the most breathtakingly beautiful eyes she had seen on a person, in her heart, Aloy knew it was more than that. She was drawn to the thoughtful way he talked, how he recited poetry to her every evening by flashlight while she lay next to him and let herself disconnect and drift away from the physical stress of the day. And sleeping arrangements aside, Nil was always respectful of her, carefully considering her opinion and input whenever an issue came up. He made dinner most nights, dishes she would have never had the energy or creativity to pull together out on the trail. Most importantly, he actually checked in with her, constantly asking if she was okay and if she needed anything. Aloy hadn't experienced a lot of that kind of consideration in her life, and she latched on to it with a jealous sort of greediness that was borderline shameful.

None of this mattered anyway, because there was no way in hell she'd ever act on these ridiculous feelings. The possibility of rejection terrified her - even in the context of asking for a temporary trail fling - so Nil would stay firmly rooted in the realm of just a friend. People generally didn't like her very much anyway, and he was most likely being so kind to her out of the goodness of his heart. Which _was_ good, despite his...peculiarities.

And he had those in spades. Beyond his odd way of speaking, Nil was a bonafide adrenaline junkie, who apparently had a death wish to boot. If Aloy wasn't already aware of this from their initial meeting and encounter with the bear, she would've figured it out the moment they set foot in the Smokies. It wasn't like she wasn't familiar with danger - she had faced it many times before out in the wilds. She just had a healthy respect for it and didn't relish in it like he did.

For example, when Nil found a ledge that had a particular view he wanted, he'd leap over the edge of whatever cliff they were standing on or climb up to it like a deranged spider monkey, bearing an enormous grin the entire time. Aloy could only watch helplessly and try not to panic while he slipped and stumbled his way over the rocky terrain, baffled by his insistence on partaking in activities that could seriously injure or kill him. Everytime he asked her to join him - which was nearly all the time - her answer was always a staunch no, despite his childish pouting.

One of these times happened to be when they reached the observation deck at Clingmans Dome, officially the highest point on the Appalachian Trail. They had arrived later in the day, so the crowds of sightseers that would have normally occupied the lookout had long since dispersed, and Nil wanted to try hanging over the edge. For fun.

"Are you crazy?" Aloy bit out, grabbing his arm before he could move towards the safety barrier. "Nil, I've let you get away with a lot, but this could seriously kill you. No."

"You let me, huh?" Nil replied, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "So, you're my keeper now?"

"Yes," she snapped. "Someone has to be, because apparently you have zero risk awareness."

"On the contrary, little Seeker." He bent over her, the coy smile curving his lips doing awful things to Aloy's heartrate. "I'm very aware of risk. Danger is - "

"What makes you feel alive," Aloy finished wearily, rubbing her fingers over the bridge of her nose. "We've been over this. Several times. For once, can't we just enjoy the view like normal people?"

"Fine, huntress," Nil sighed, walking a few paces forward and leaning over the barrier. "One of these days I'll get you to loosen up."

Joining him, Aloy gripped at the guard rail with a dubious snort. "Don't count on it."

Nil didn't say anything in response. Instead, he gazed out over the landscape, and Aloy took the time to do the same. The day was mostly clear, the Smokies...well, smoky, jagged wisps of low-lying clouds flirting in between the distant mountain peaks. Being as ancient as they were, unlike the newer Rockies, the Appalachians had no treeline, the flora spreading up and over the summits of each mountain. Not as impressive in scale, but beautifully picturesque all the same. When Aloy angled her head to look at Nil again and to ask what he thought, he was already staring down at her with an unreadable expression.

"Seeker," he whispered, his fingers rising to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, leaving traces of warmth where they brushed over her skin. He bent forward just a bit more, his face now so close to hers that she could see the individual flecks of silver glinting in his eyes like sun-caught pebbles in a stream. All of her thoughts ground to a screeching halt, and Aloy found herself suddenly unable to move, trapped beneath that gaze.

But when he pushed forward even more, his breath dancing over her skin, his eyelids heavy, Aloy finally snapped out of whatever had been locking her in place. Like a skittish animal, she jerked back and away from him, her heart thumping so hard in her chest she felt like she might actually pass out. Raw hurt splashed over Nil's face for a moment but was gone in an instant, instead replaced by a carefully neutral expression.

"We should, uh, get going." Aloy avoided looking at him, instead keeping her gaze bolted to her feet. "You know, if we want to have enough time to make camp."

Wordlessly, Nil pushed passed her and began the walk down the winding ramp that lead back to the trail. Aloy trudged after him with a wince, internally berating herself the entire time. What was wrong with her? He had obviously been about to kiss her, and as much as she actually wanted him to, something had stopped her, had made her panic at the last second.

 _He was probably just caught up in the moment_ , Aloy reasoned. _Pretty view and all that. Don't read too much into it._

Still, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to say something, even if it was a change of subject to reassure him that she wasn't upset. Anything was better than this awkward silence, so stark and uncomfortable after days filled with Nil's constant chatter and her own bemused and exasperated replies. Once they had gotten back on the trail, she reached out for him, just inches from laying her hand on his shoulder when a large mass just beyond the trees caught her eye.

Aloy stopped in her tracks when she realized what it was.

"Um, Nil?" His name was high pitched and cut through with panic, and he whirled around immediately.

"Seeker?" Nothing but concern blanketed his face. "What's wrong?"

"There's someone laying in the brush," she said, pointing with a shaking finger and swallowing hard.

Nil sprang into action instantly, rushing into the bushes and kneeling at the person's side. Hovering anxiously, Aloy twisted her fingers together and shifted back and forth on the balls of her feet until Nil leaned back with a sigh.

"Is...is he dead?"

"No," Nil replied, with a shake of his head and a short laugh. "This one appears to to be either extremely drunk or extremely high. Maybe both."

The man's eyes suddenly popped open, wide and bulging. Aloy yelped while Nil jerked back with a shout, his hand flying to the knife he kept hooked to his belt.

"What? What's going on?" the man sputtered, his voice groggy and gritty.

Aloy kneeled at his side as well, still recovering from the near heart attack his awakening had given her. "You were, um, passed out here, and we wanted to make sure you were okay. What's your name?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he groaned, struggling to sit up. Grabbing at his forearm, Nil helped ease him up. "The name's Brin."

"And she's Seeker, and I'm Nil. Probably not a wise idea to go on a bender in the middle of the mountains, Brin," Nil remarked with a raised eyebrow.

Brin gave the pair a wide grin while he bent over a grubby, patched up bag he had at his side. "Eh, I'm fine. I've been wandering these mountain trails for years. I could find my way even after an entire sheet of acid."

The bold declaration had Aloy, who knew absolutely nothing about drugs beyond that one time she had smoked weed in college, sitting back on her heels and blinking rapidly. Nil, however, rolled his eyes and stood with an irritated sigh.

"A trail legend. Wonderful," Nil deadpanned, offering a hand to Aloy so she could stand as well. "Well, you seem to be fine. Seeker, let's go."

"Wait!" Brin staggered to his feet, unsteady as a newborn fawn. Licking at his chapped lips, he looked between them hungrily. "You two...you're backpackers. You got anything on you for sale?"

Affronted, Aloy drew back. "What? No! We're thru-hikers, not drug dealers!"

"What she said." Nil crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Is there anything else, or are we free to leave?"

A heavy sigh deflated the scraggly man. "I guess that was too much to hope for. But I have to repay you for making sure I was okay. It's not often you run into kind souls like yourself out here."

His eyes brightened, and he stooped back down to his bag, which appeared to be stuffed with an assortment of faded, stained clothing and dried foods. A couple of seconds passed, and Aloy was about to begin edging away, when Brin pulled a plastic baggy from the bag with a triumphant cry.

"Smoke a bowl with me!" he exclaimed, holding the weed up to the light.

"No, thank you," Aloy forced out through clenched teeth. "Nil, come on."

But when she turned to face her hiking partner, he was angled forward with his eyes slightly narrowed as he inspected the herb, and her heart sank in her chest. Grabbing at his arm, she dragged him several feet away from Brin, leaned in close, and hissed, "Are you _seriously_ thinking of accepting drugs from some weird guy we found passed out in the woods? What if they're laced with something? "

Nil leveled her with an unimpressed look. "Calm down, DARE. It's just weed, and the good kind from the looks of it. I just wanted one hit, and then we can be on our way."

"I...fine. Whatever." Aloy threw her hands up with a noise of disgust. "Go ahead. I don't know why I expected any different from you. But this had better not affect your ability to set up camp, and if it does, you're sleeping outside tonight."

"Awfully bold of you to claim my tent for yourself," drawled Nil.

Before Aloy could even think of a retort, he was heading back towards Brin and settling down by the other man's side. Grumbling to herself the entire time, she plopped down a few feet away, bringing her knees to her chest and eying the two men distastefully.

After another delve into his bag, Brin proudly showed off a colorful glass pipe, swirled with loud shades of purple, blue, green, and red. Trying not to appear too curious, Aloy watched out of the corner of her eye while he crumbled up the dried substance and packed it tightly into the bowl. A lighter emblazoned with a deer skull was produced from his pocket next, and he promptly brought the pipe to his lips, clicked on the lighter, and inhaled in a practiced motion. The skunky aroma of the thick smoke choked the air when Brin exhaled and handed the piece off the Nil, and Aloy wrinkled her nose in utter disgust. She thought that college had been the last time she'd have to deal with that particular smell in high concentrations, but apparently that wasn't the case.

At least Nil was efficient, which did a lot to quell her irritation. He took his hit quickly and cleanly, gave the bowl back to Brin, then stood while shrugging his pack back on. Guilt pulsed through Aloy when she noticed how a great deal of tension had drained away from the line of his shoulders, tension she hadn't even noticed had been there until now. Impulsively, she scrambled to her feet herself, reaching out to give his hand a quick, tight squeeze. His eyes met hers, something passing between them, and Aloy found her own relief in the soft smile he gave her.

Before they could get going, however, Brin abruptly spoke up, his voice faint and strained.

"All is dark, and there's thunder shaking the earth." When Aloy looked his way, perturbed, his eyes were glassy and unfocused, fixed on some far-off point beyond her and Nil. "But where? Not anywhere near here. A frightened rabbit, caught in the wolf's snare, struggling against the fate that's been dogging it, the fate it has unknowingly thwarted time and time again. Foolish rabbit, leaving the safety of the mountain lion's paws. From one predator to another, but where one protects, another hunts. But what of the outcome? I can't...see..."

Brin's speech faded away, and his brow knit together as though he were befuddled by his own strange words. Blinking, he stared up at the two hikers as if he had never seen them before in his life.

"Okay, Brin, I think that's our cue to get going," Aloy laughed nervously, already pushing Nil back towards the trail. "Thanks for your...uh...hospitality."

"Oh! Goodbye," he responded brightly. Without another word, he dropped on to his back, curled up, and by all appearances, promptly fell back asleep.

"Well, that was really fucking weird," Nil remarked while they walked away, back into the long shadows cast by trees in the late afternoon sun.

Rounding on him, Aloy jabbed a firm finger into his chest, continuing to walk backwards. "No more accepting drugs from strange trail bums. Got it?"

Nil snorted. "You don't need to tell me twice. I almost regret taking that hit now."

Anxiety gripped at her. "Why? Was it actually laced with something? Are you okay - "

"Relax, little huntress," he reassured, patting at her shoulder. "Not like that. I only meant that it wasn't worth whatever the fuck that was about."

A knowing smirk split his lips, and he tilted his head.

"I'm touched that you care so much about me, though. You must really like me. Looks like I'll be sleeping with you tonight after all."

The double meaning of his words didn't get past Aloy, and she stumbled over her own feet, heat blooming over her cheeks at the images that sprang to mind. It was Nil, so he of course noticed, throwing his head back in a barking, taunting laugh. He lengthened his stride to get ahead of her, already anticipating her reaction, but for once, Aloy didn't chase after him. More than anything, she was relieved that nothing between them had changed - but, in that small, secret space of her heart that still dared to hope, maybe also a touch disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (another doodle by toxcatl/banook, you're a treasure Sam)
> 
> goddamnit, Aloy. And you know I had to include Brin SOMEHOW.
> 
> I'll be skipping the Thursday update this week, because I'm going to be camping/backpacking myself! The most socially distant getaway you can do right now 😉 but I'll be back with chapter 7 next Monday!


	7. Hostel

**Hostel** – An establishment along the trail that has bunks, showers, and sometimes cooking and mail drops, for hikers.

\--

_April 27th, 2010_

"Oh my god, we made it," Aloy moaned, her shoulders slumping. Her eyes roved greedily over the painted wooden sign before them that read: Standing Bear Farm. "That took _forever_."

"It was only a week and change, little Seeker," Nil said, nudging at her with an elbow. "Was my company really that bad?"

Light teasing wove through his voice, but there was a hesitant undertone present as well. Without a second thought, Aloy leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. After even just a week with Nil's constant, casual touches, it was astounding how quickly she had become comfortable, even accustomed to them. His fingers automatically rose to brush over her upper back, and she had to suppress a delighted shiver.

"Of course not," she said once she had lifted her head again. "I'm just looking forward to getting new supplies." 

A question was manifesting itself on Nil's face, one she had been attempting to avoid like the plague. Before he could open his mouth to ask it, Aloy tugged him over towards the main building of the old farm turned hiker hostel. 

"We should pay for our bunks," she said, cringing internally when the words came out just a little too loudly. A troubled look spread like oil over Nil's face, but he gave Aloy a firm nod and followed behind her as closely as her own shadow.

Standing Bear Farm was over one hundred years old, a turn of the century relic only two hundred feet off the trail that had been converted into a hostel. With a bunkhouse, small outfitter, real meat available for grilling, and of course, the ever-coveted hot showers, it was a veritable thru-hiker's oasis in the midst of the wilderness that was the Smokey Mountains.

The communal bunkhouse had given Aloy a moment of pause. Although she had slept at the shelters, which tended to have several hikers at them on any given night, she at least had the option to set up her hammock off to the side and sleep away from others. The sleeping facilities here were one large room with a few rows of bunk beds crammed in close to one another with no semblance of privacy. Thankfully, Nil would likely be sharing a bunk bed with her, a thought that comforted her. After spending several nights in his tent, the idea of him not being close by was, she realized with a start, not a desirable one. In a room full of strangers, he was at least familiar.

Although, now that she was poised to begin traveling on her own again...

No. Nope. She wasn't going there, not yet. There was still a another day to think about this, and she intended to use every precious second.

After paying for their bunks - a modest $15 each for a one night stay - Nil and Aloy stepped back outside. It was only slightly after midday, the light filtering through the trees casting short shadows, but they would be hanging around the old farm until bright and early tomorrow morning. It was half of a rest day, and one she felt like she sorely needed after their long trek through the wilds.

"I'm going to go check out the outfitter," Nil commented, angling his head towards her. "Wanna come along?"

"I wanted to put my stuff down in the bunkhouse first," Aloy replied, fingering at her backpack straps. "I'll meet you there in a bit?"

"In that case..." With a low, rumbling groan that had Aloy's stomach rushing through a series of Olympic level gymnastics flips, Nil unbuckled and removed his pack, holding it out to her with one strong arm. "Would you mind taking this as well?"

Aloy eyed the gear balefully. "How much was your pack weight sitting at these days?"

Nil shot her an excessively toothy grin. "Fifty pounds, give or take. But you're a strong girl. I'm sure you can handle it."

He already knew her weaknesses too well. Grumbling, Aloy reached out, wrapped her fingers around the straps, and took the bag from him with her teeth gritted in determination. It was heavy, although not more than she could handle. With this new addition and the twenty pounds sitting on her back, she currently felt more pack mule than human.

With a jaunty wave - and before she could say anything else - Nil was off, his loping strides carrying him in the direction of one of the largest buildings on the property. Aloy stared after him for a moment, then turned with a resigned sigh and headed towards the bunkhouse. 

Carrying seventy pounds wasn't _so_ bad, but beads of sweat had still begun to pop out along her hairline by the time she reached their lodging for the night. And now she had to negotiate the damn door.

Drawing her shoulders into a tight line, Aloy was just about to shift her weight so that she could reach out and grab the knob when the door miraculously cracked open on its own. A head covered in long, black hair poked out from behind it, then it opened the rest of the way.

"Thank you so much," Aloy said fervently, walking the last few steps into the building. Once inside, she let the packs slide to the ground, unable to suppress her gasping sigh of relief.

"Hey, it's no problem." Her savior's voice was kind, her dark brown eyes amused. "That's an awfully heavy load."

"Yeah, my hiking partner dumped his pack off on me so that he could run off and do god knows what," she muttered sulkily, shaking out the tension from the tightened muscles in her arms. "I'm Seeker, by the way."

"Sunhawk," the other woman replied, titling her head with a smile on her plush lips. "But you can just call me Talanah."

"Fine, then I'm Aloy," she replied, offering a smile of her own while her gaze swept over Talanah. There was no word to describe her except gorgeous - her silky hair was pulled back from her face in a high ponytail, accentuating the attractive curves of her face, her features brought out even more by glossy dark lipstick and red-tinted eyeshadow that made her eyes sharper and even more intense.

"Wearing makeup out here, huh?" Aloy blurted out, then clapped her hand over her mouth, mortification curdling within her. "I'm so sorry, that was rude - "

"You're _fine_ ," Talanah laughed. "I know it's kind of unusual. But sometimes a girl's gotta look good after conquering all those miles."

"I guess it goes without saying that we're both thru-hikers, huh?" Without even being asked, Talanah grabbed one of the bags. Aloy shot her a grateful look while they headed towards an open pair of bunks. "You traveling with anyone?"

"Yeah, but he's kind of a dick," Talanah said bluntly, her eyes flicking over to another set of bunks. "Not really the talking type."

"I can hear you, you know," came a distinctly irritated voice. A man's head peeked out from the top of one of the bunks, his rugged features drawn into a tight frown. 

"Finally done with your nap, Amadis?" Talanah asked, setting Aloy's pack down on the lower bunk. 

Amadis leveled her with a half-hearted glare, then laid back down on his bed with a grunt.

"See what I mean?" But there was a kind of fondness in the way her eyes lingered on her partner. "He's not all bad, though."

"Did you two know each other before the trail?" Aloy asked, plopping unceremoniously down on her bunk. Talanah settled down beside her, leaning back on her hands.

"No, we didn't," she said softly. "We met when I sprained my ankle early on, back in Georgia. We had just passed each other when my foot caught on a rock, and I went down. He rushed back immediately and stayed by my side until I was ready to go on. I guess we just kind of...stuck together after that."

"It was a massive effort in itself to get her to stay off her feet for that long," Amadis gruffly added from above them. But if Aloy didn't know any better, there was affection lurking somewhere in that deep voice of his.

"Yeah, yeah, and I already admitted that you were right in that case." Talanah waved her hand with a chuckle. "What can I say? Not a lot keeps me down. Not even the black blazing we ran into at one point in North Carolina that almost had us totally lost in the woods."

Aloy's eyes widened. "Black blazing? You mean people painting over trail markers? I've never run into it myself, but I've heard stories."

Talanah's expression darkened. "Yep, the very same."

"Why do people do that? What's the point?" Curling her lip, Aloy shook her head. "Hikers have gotten injured and even _died_ that way."

"Who knows." Talanah sighed, giving a helpless shrug. "Pissed off locals who hate thru-hikers, assholes who think it's somehow a funny prank. Just make sure you're always paying attention to blazes, especially when there's a split in the trail."

"Got it," Aloy replied with a quick nod. 

With a beaming smile, Talanah hopped off the bed and inclined her head towards the door. "But anyway, I was going to head to the kitchen to make some lunch. You can join me if you want!"

"I think I'm going to wait here for my partner." After a pause, Aloy added, "Thanks for helping me with our stuff. And it's nice to know someone in here so I'm not sleeping surrounded entirely by strangers."

"You're very welcome. I'll see you later!" Before Talanah could turn to leave, Amadis leapt down from his bunk so suddenly and so fluidly that Aloy lurched back and had to stifle a surprised yelp.

"Come on, Amadis, I asked you to stop doing that," Talanah reprimanded with a sharp look, but the corners of her lips were twitching.

He only gave her a flat stare, then pushed past her to the door. Talanah rolled her eyes, flashing one more of her reassuring smiles at Aloy before following her hiking partner out the door.

After it slammed shut, Aloy laid entirely back on her bunk with a sigh, bringing her arms up to cushion her head. During the day, most guests preferred to mill about the grounds or partake in the numerous outdoor activities accessible via the farm shuttle, so she was alone in the bunkhouse. It was a rare moment of peace free from any noise, including Nil's incessant talking, so she closed her eyes and sank into it gratefully.

Predictably, her thoughts shot directly to her partner. 

With a frustrated exhale, Aloy turned onto her belly and shoved her head beneath the pillow, trying to resist the urge to scream. Deep down, she knew she couldn't avoid this any longer. It was time to come to a decision about her plans for the rest of the trail.

All those years ago, when Aloy had first starting dreaming about conquering the AT, she had always been alone in her mind's eye. Never once had the thought occurred to her that she might have someone at her side when she summited Mt. Katahdin, because that had never been how she'd operated. School, personal problems, learning new skills - Aloy had always been a master at self-motivation, and it had been a quality she had prided in herself. As a teenager, she had been cocky, borderline smug about how she needed no one but herself. She was a lone mountain - sturdy and indomitable in the face of everything that could potentially challenge her.

But when she had entered adulthood and moved on to college, away from Rost, away from Teb, something within her had begun to shift. Countless times she watched as her classmates had gone out together, always leaving her behind. They had invited her along at first, but stubborn as always, Aloy had come up with half-cooked excuses as to why she couldn't tag along. Eventually, the invites stopped, and she might as well have become invisible. Instead of dwelling, she threw herself into her studies, convinced that excelling in schoolwork would fill the hole that had suddenly opened up in her heart. But upon graduating, her unease with herself had only grown, and she began to feel more like an isolated island in the midst of a vast ocean. 

But was it enough to swallow her pride and stick with Nil, especially with her feelings towards him being what they were? That level of vulnerability was completely foreign to Aloy, and letting someone in beyond the superficial was terrifying in how much of an unknown it was. What if he didn't like what he found when those layers of protection she had built up around herself over the years fell away? He'd probably give up like everyone else had, leaving her alone and more certain than ever that she was meant to stay this way. 

But, at the same time, what could be waiting for her if she did let him in, if he didn't shy away from all of the ugliness and insecurities buried within her? People entangled themselves with one another for a reason, and most seemed to be happy that way, like having someone else intimately involved in their life completed them. Her curiosity was becoming as insistent as her fears, and it left her stuck in the middle of a dilemma she couldn't find an answer to.

The creaky sound of the door swinging open had Aloy scrambling to sit up, but she breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Nil standing there, his hands curiously hidden behind his back.

"Hey, little Seeker," he said, coming to her chosen bunks and examining them with an appraising eye. "You never came to the shop, so I figured you were here. I see you found us some beds."

"Yeah, with help after you dumped your pack on me," she quipped. "And sorry, I got distracted. Met a couple of other thru-hikers."

"And you managed just as I thought you would." Nil shifted on his feet and cleared his throat. "I bought you a couple of things."

He finally pulled his hands from behind his back, bringing with them what appeared to be a brand new dark blue backpack. He held it out apprehensively, and she took it, running her fingers along the sturdy framing and tightly woven material with a hard swallow.

"Nil, you really didn't have to do this. This is too much. I can pay you back - "

"There's something else inside," he interrupted, and she snapped her head back up to him with narrowed eyes. He held his hands up. "Don't worry, it's nothing big. Just something else I thought you'd like. And for the hundredth time, you're not paying me back, because you already have just by hiking with me this past week."

Numbly, Aloy unzipped the pack and groped around inside. Her fingers closed on something soft, and she tugged it out before realizing it was a t-shirt with a mountain and some text printed on it. Holding it up, she read, "I've Hiked the Entire Width of the Appalachian Trail."

"I noticed you liked silly t-shirts as camp clothes," Nil said with a grin, rubbing at the back of his head. "And I wasn't sure if you had lost any when your pack got torn to shreds."

Aloy stared up at him, overcome and unable to find the words to express what she was feeling. No one beyond Rost or Teb had ever cared enough to get her a gift, especially not one with so much thought given to her tastes, as ridiculous as they were. An overwhelming feeling was building deep inside of her, so powerful and so unstoppable that before she knew it, she was throwing aside the pack and the t-shirt and rising to her toes to press an impulsive kiss against the roughly stubbled arch of his cheek.

Nil's sharp inhale was enough for her thoughts to catch back up with her, and then it was like all of the blood into her body rushed straight up to her face. But before Aloy could draw away from him more than an inch, he turned his head, capturing her lips with his own.

It wasn't Aloy's first kiss, but she had never felt anything quite like this before. Her heart thundered in her chest while his lips moved over hers, soft and yielding and so unexpectedly wonderful that she couldn't help but sink into the kiss, sagging against him with a quiet sigh. Nil's chest was firm against her own, and one of his large hands circled around her waist to draw her even closer, lifting the other to stroke at her wild mane of hair. It felt like an eternity had passed by the time they parted, and yet Aloy found with some disappointment that it had been entirely too soon. He kept his face close to hers, their breath mingling, his smelling vaguely of spearmint. His eyes were brighter and more alive than she had ever seen them, the flecks of silver in them seeming glow even in the dull light of the dark wooden bunkhouse.

"I've been wanting to do that since the first time we met," Nil breathed, dropping his forehead against hers.

"I can't say the same for myself, but..." Aloy bit at her lip, her stomach seizing when his eyes dropped to them. "Since we've been traveling together..."

Chuckling, Nil gave her another quick kiss, this one sweet but with an edge of teasing. "Oh, I was more than aware of your little crush, Seeker."

Firmly poking him in the side, Aloy fixed him with a mock glare. "You don't have to be smug about it." After a moment of deliberation, she said softly, "And my name - my real name - is Aloy. Aloy Sobeck."

"Aloy," he murmured, the slow, ponderous way he tested it out on his lips eliciting a shiver from her. "I'm Sahad Argent. I honestly prefer Nil out here, but you can use either."

"Okay. Sahad." Taking a deep breath, Aloy mustered all of her courage and steeled herself for the question she needed to ask for her own sanity. "So, what is this? What does this mean for us going forward? I mean, I'd like to keep traveling with you. If that's okay with you, of course. You don't need to say yes." The words fell out of her in an unstoppable rush, nervousness making them shaky.

"Of course you can keep traveling with me." His brow knitted together in confusion. "I thought that would be clear after we, you know, kissed."

"I-I had to make sure!" Aloy stammered, lowering her gaze off to the side. "I didn't want to assume anything."

"And as far as what we have, this..." Nil trailed off, and when she looked back up at him his expression was thoughtful. "It doesn't have to be serious. I'm perfectly content with keeping this casual."

All of the elation in Aloy's heart died off abruptly, instead replaced by an ache so fierce it threatened to swallow her whole. Of course it would be this way. How could she have been so stupid, so blind to believe that things with Nil would play out any differently than they had with anyone else in her life? It wasn't like anything had truly changed just because she was out on the trail. She was still Aloy Sobeck, the girl no one wanted anything to do with beyond homework help or a quick fling.

But still, despite the hurt growing within her like the weeds she had spent lazy summer mornings pulling in the garden of her childhood home, she wanted this. She wanted to explore her feelings for Nil, how he unknowingly put her restlessness to bed, the way he made her feel as though she was special. Even if they had to go their separate ways at the end, maybe those things would still make it worth it.

"Aloy?" 

"Yeah, uh, sounds good to me." Aloy forced out a smile, then buried her head against his chest so he couldn't see the tears shining in her eyes, or how a few fell when his arms wrapped around her in an embrace that comforted as much as it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kiss but also angst. 😔
> 
> So, I lied. I wasn't listening well enough when my partner told me about this trip, so it turns out that we're leaving on Sunday and going to be gone all week. Which means the next update is going to likely be next Friday, potentially Saturday depending on a few factors. After that it'll be the regular schedule again!
> 
> If you don't know who Amadis is, he's a character introduced in the Horizon Zero Dawn comics who Talanah runs into out in the Sundom wilds while working on fulfilling a lodge contract. We don't know much about him other than he's grumpy, doesn't want Talanah to be there, has some undisclosed issue with the Hunter's Lodge...but he saves her from death by clawstrider and dresses her wounds(THE TROPES!!). A Guerrilla Games dev confirmed during the ComicCon panel that he's Talanah's LI, and I'm so damn excited. You should really read the comics if you haven't!
> 
> Anyway, see yinz at the next update!


	8. Vortex

**Vortex** – Anything off trail that draws hikers into it and hikers find difficult to leave.

\--

_April 28th - May 11th_

"Aloy, come on."

She folded her arms over her chest with a scowl. "No. I already said no. If you had seen the note I left you in the logbook, you would've already known my answer to this."

Tilting his head up towards the ceiling, Nil sighed. "Fine. We can bring your new friends too."

Turning around to face her backpack sitting opened up on the bed, Aloy continued to pack up her freshly laundered clothing and the items from her latest drop box from Teb. "I really doubt they want to go whitewater rafting on a whim, Nil. Besides, they're leaving today. Like we're supposed to be, remember?"

"She's right," Amadis chimed in disinterestedly from the bunk next to theirs, where he was still lounging and waiting for Talanah to finish her shower. "Sorry."

Nil shot a dirty look towards the other man, who had already settled back down on to his bed. "One more day wouldn't hurt anything. Unless you're afraid for some reason..." He trailed off, a sly grin spreading over his face.

But Aloy was determined not to fall for his usual tricks this time. Instead, she angled back around slowly, sidling up to him and wrapping her arms around his thick waist. Leaning in close, she whispered, "But aren't you excited to get me entirely to yourself? If we spend another night here, that's another night of no privacy." 

Nil's eyes narrowed, and he made a noise of disgust. "You...have a point. An unfortunately good one. Well played, little huntress."

With a smug smile, Aloy stretched up and placed a quick peck on his lips. They had only been able to share a few stolen kisses since yesterday afternoon, but the rush that roared through her every time their lips met was growing in its intensity. Her mind wandered to what could potentially happen tonight, when they were all alone in Nil's tent in the middle of the woods, but she firmly packed away those thoughts for later. They had a fifteen mile hike planned for the day, and she needed to focus on that before she could indulge in thoughts of other activities.

In less than an hour, after Aloy said her goodbyes to Talanah and Amadis, her and Nil were underway again. Luckily, their pacing had synced up almost perfectly at this point - each anticipated the other's need for breaks, plus when to speed up and when to slow down. They functioned as one seamless unit, and Aloy had never experienced anything quite like it. 

Nil, of course, continued to be as talkative as usual. She had come to realize that a good portion of it was intended to fill what otherwise would have been silence and that he didn't actually expect her to answer him or talk back most of the time. It was easy to zone out to the steady cadence of his voice, now comforting in its familiarity.

"...and what about you?"

Startled out of her trance, Aloy looked over at him and blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Nil heaved a sigh, but there was an affectionate smile on his face when he repeated, "I said, I've had a couple of relationships in the past, but never anything too serious. What about you?"

"Oh, um." Aloy tucked her head, her cheeks heating. "I haven't really ever been with anyone like that before. I had a few one night stands in college, and that was only because I was curious about what all the fuss was over."

Reaching over, Nil brushed his fingers gently over her bare upper arm. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about. Some people are more into sex than others. I just happen to be into it a lot."

His easy candor combined with his grounding touch had her relaxing. "I mean, I didn't hate it. I actually enjoyed myself to some extent, but it didn't seem worth the effort."

A pleased smirk curled Nil's lips. "Oh? And you're implying that I _am_ worth the effort?"

Rolling her eyes, Aloy bumped her hip into his. "I wouldn't still be here if you weren't."

A few minutes of quiet passed between them before Nil spoke up again, his tone more serious than before. "If it's okay with you, I want to take this slowly. For your sake, mostly. In terms of actual sex, I'd like to wait until we get to Damascus so I can book a hotel room. You're worth far more to me than a quick fuck in the woods."

Aloy gave him a sideways glance, trying her hardest to squash the hope attempting to take flight in her chest like an irritating insect. "Yeah, uh, that's fine by me."

The couple settled into an easy silence - although this didn't last for long, because Nil - and the miles passed shockingly quickly despite Aloy's anticipation. She managed to get her mind off the subject by flitting her focus from one interesting piece of scenery to the next, and before she knew it, late afternoon had settled over the Smokies.

"Well, we're only about a half mile off from the next shelter, according to my map," Nil commented with a yawn, folding the paper up and stuffing it back into an outside pocket of his pack. "I guess it's time to look for a place to make camp."

A hint of suggestion curled through his words, and Aloy found herself staring at him for just a little too long, until his eyes met hers. Hastily, she averted her gaze.

Going through the motions of finding a spot and setting up camp were tedious on a normal day, but this time the ordeal was borderline torturous. Aloy's normally deft fingers fumbled several times while she helped Nil set up the tent, and, much to her embarassment, his sharp stare snapped to her each and every time it happened.

Then there was the matter of dinner. Usually unbearably hungry after a long day of hiking, Aloy found herself without much interest in food and would've been happy with a protein bar. But Nil proclaimed with a cheeky grin that he was ravenous and wanted something a little more substantial. By this point, she knew he was toying with her, and a scowl twisted her face while he cheerily whipped up their meal for the evening - couscous with canned chicken and mushrooms.

As delicious as it was, and as much as Aloy normally savored each bite of the food he made for her, tonight she could barely taste her portion with how quickly she inhaled it. Nil, as usual, took his time with his meal, leaving her to sit there fidgeting and giving him little sideways glances she hoped he didn't notice but probably did.

Eons passed, and finally, with a satisfied sigh, Nil put his plate down. Standing, he stretched out the entire length of his body, his form-fitting shirt riding up and exposing the well-sculpted plane of his lower abdomen. And that was about as much as Aloy could take. She jumped to her feet, determination hardening her expression.

"Well, little Seeker, I think it's time - _oof_."

Slamming into him, Aloy's hands darted up to cup his face, and she dragged him down roughly until she could claim his lips in a hard kiss. A satisfied groan left Nil, his own hands gripping at the swell of her hips and tugging her close, his thumbs skimming over the points of her hip bones. Her fingers threaded themselves in his short, silky hair, but before she could deepen the kiss, Nil broke it to gasp out, "Tent. Now."

Somehow the pair managed to detangle themselves long enough to scramble into the tent. Spreading himself out over both of their sleeping pads, Nil cocked an eyebrow at her while his eyes wandered over her body. But Aloy didn't allow him to look for long, because the heat in his gaze was almost enough for her to physically feel, and the ache burgeoning in her core was becoming so insistent she couldn't ignore it any longer. 

"Eager girl," he purred, tilting his head up to beckon her closer.

Frantically crawling over top of him, she straddled his hips, bending down to capture his lips once again. Large hands stroked over her waist, his fingertips teased over the undersides of her annoyingly covered breasts. Aloy couldn't help the buck of her hips she gave, nor the surprised hiss that escaped her when her center ground against the firm evidence of Nil's arousal. With a low moan, those hands dropped to the soft curve of her ass, squeezing and guiding her motions while his tongue slipped into her depths of her mouth. Those movements echoed the roll of his hips into hers, creating such a sweet friction between them that noises she would have usually been mortified over making slipped out of her unnoticed. 

But when Aloy's fingertips began to wander down towards hem of his pants, Nil caught her wrist and pulled away from her with a breathless sigh.

"Remember, we're supposed to be taking this slow," he whispered, angling his head down to press kisses into her neck. "Don't want to spoil the fun that anticipation can build."

"I'm starting to regret agreeing to that," Aloy grumbled, giving one more rock of her hips. Satisfaction that may have been a touch smug welled up in her when the action had Nil jerking against her involuntarily. Stifling a laugh, he wrapped his strong arms around her waist and lifted her off of him, depositing her at his side.

"It'll be worth it in the end," he murmured, drawing her flush against him and kissing her again impulsively, as though he couldn't help himself. "I'm just happy to have you to myself right now."

With his arms around her, nestled snugly in his embrace, Aloy couldn't help but agree. Despite this only being casual, she felt more wanted than she ever had in her life. The attention he paid to her through little touches and sweet kisses had begun to knit together some of the old, gaping wounds in her heart, a balm for that secret ache she had always for someone to cherish her for who she was. Nil seemed to genuinely enjoy her company too - just as much as she was finding herself enjoying his.

The next two weeks drifted by in much the same fashion. The days grew subtly hotter as they entered May, their daily mileage increasing steadily until they were close to averaging the thru-hiker's standard of twenty miles a day. While they walked, Nil would often catch her hand in his and weave their fingers together. The simple contact was enough to make her entire day, and Aloy spent most of her time in a state of blissful happiness and contentment she wasn't certain she had ever known.

The nights, on the other hand, were spent entangled in each other. Kisses grew more heated, hands wandered further, and more layers of clothing were removed. Everything they did felt far better than anything Aloy had experienced in the past, and she was eager to experience it all with him. But, true to his word, Nil always put the brakes on before their activities went too far, instead choosing to curl himself around her like a big, warm cat, kissing her and caressing her back and arms until she fell asleep. Aloy found that she didn't mind as much as she thought she would - touch was touch, whether it be of the innocent or more suggestive variety, and he was generous with it in all forms. 

And so it went, things between them remaining generally unchanged and comfortably steady - until a couple of days before they were due to reach Damascus, VA, when Nil suggested a detour.

"You know, huntress, Cherokee National Forest is known for its beautiful waterfalls," he commented while he read through the park brochure he had picked up at a trailhead bulletin board. "And it's pretty warm today."

Aloy spared him a distracted glance. "Mhm. And?"

"Want to look for one and go for a swim?" Nil's eyes were wide and shining with excitement, and Aloy sighed. Normally she'd be antsy about an unplanned diversion, seeing as it would cause them to lose time, but between his earnestness and the fact that he had suggested something _not_ immediately dangerous for once, she had no choice but to concede.

"All right, Nil. I guess I could use the break."

Stopping by the side of the trail, they poured over the park map and quibbled over where they would be most likely to find a waterfall that wasn't connected to a trail, for maximum privacy. Why Nil was so insistent on this was a mystery, but Aloy decided to let it go for the moment.

Eventually, they settled on following Citico Creek, which ran through a relatively isolated part of the forest that didn't see much traffic by either day or thru-hikers. The air by the waterway was cooler, at least, and it thankfully only took a couple of miles of searching before they discovered a picturesque little break in the stream right before the elevation began to increase. It wasn't the largest set of falls by any means, but the weathered rocks from which the bubbly water tumbled were large enough to just barely stand beneath. Aloy did have to admit the idea of swimming was becoming more appealing as the day wore on and grew hotter. 

Without any hesitation, Nil tugged off his hiking boots and began to casually divest himself of the rest of his sweat-soaked clothing. Instinctively, Aloy skittered a few feet away and whipped herself around, heat rising to her cheeks. For all of the fooling around they had done, she hadn't yet seen him entirely naked, because he always cut her off by the time they were stripped down to their underthings.

"I don't mind if you look, you know," Nil called from behind her, winking obnoxiously at Aloy when she turned to glare at him. "Nothing you won't be getting an eye full of soon, anyway."

Huffing, Aloy returned her attention to her own clothes, yanking them off and throwing them aside. It wasn't that she wasn't curious - Nil had a gorgeous body, finely sculpted and rippling with powerful muscle from years of being expected to remain in peak physical condition, and she was eager to see more of it. She had just never been this physically intimate with another human being - one night stands typically didn't lend themselves to exploring another's body the way being casually naked around each other would - and her trepidation stemmed from the newness of it all more than anything else. 

But Aloy Sobeck did not quail in the face of the unknown. With grave determination, she stepped out of her athletic underwear and pulled off her sports bra, leaving herself entirely bare. Her head high and her shoulders set, she turned around.

Nil had already entered the creek and was relaxing in one of the larger pools, the water just barely lapping over the dips in his lower abdomen. When Aloy faced him, waging a desperate internal war against her own self-consciousness and the urge to cover herself up, his silver gaze snapped to her and darkened, trailing over her body deliberately and appreciatively. 

"Come here, little Seeker." His voice was dark silk, wrapping her up in its smooth sensuality, and she had no choice but to listen.

The instant she stepped into the chilled mountain water, goosebumps erupted over the span of her freckled skin, consequently tightening her nipples into firm little peaks as well. Nil must have noticed, because a low, strangled noise tinged in pure want rumbled in his chest.

The gap between them was mere feet, and yet it felt as though Aloy had walked a mile before she came close enough for Nil to reach out and wrap his arms around her waist. Insistently, he tugged her into his lap, his eyes never leaving hers the entire time, and Aloy gasped when she felt something hard and heated, despite the coolness of the water, brush up against her thigh.

"See what you do to me?" he murmured, angling his head so he could press a kiss to the skin below her ear. "There's no reason to be ashamed of any of this, Aloy, least of all your body. You should know that you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever laid eyes on. Right now, I want you to relax and enjoy yourself." 

Nil's lips found her earlobe, and he tugged at it with his teeth before lathing his tongue over the shell of her ear, drawing a whimper from Aloy and causing her to shift in his lap. Rough fingers stroked their way down her lower back then dug into the soft flesh of her ass, while his other hand cupped the back of her head and brought her in for a searing, open-mouthed kiss. The amount of simultaneous physical sensation was positively dizzying for Aloy - between the water, Nil's body slick and firm against her own, his tongue lazily delving into her mouth, and his hands exploring each inch of her, every last one of her nerves was on fire.

Abruptly, Nil hooked his arms entirely around her and stood. Breaking their kiss with a surprised yelp, Aloy's legs automatically wrapped around his waist, the shift also causing her core to press flush against the hot length of his erection. Pleasure roared through her as she gave an experimental rock of her hips, exhaling breathlessly at the much-needed friction. Nil's sure steps stuttered for a moment, and he hissed through clenched teeth.

"Now now, huntress," he chided, his voice rough. "Just be patient for me a little bit longer."

Apparently, they had reached their destination, because Nil set her gently down on to a mostly dry rock, his hands drifting down to curl over her thighs. His eyes were inquisitive as he loomed over her, his clever fingers beginning to drift teasingly down towards the smooth skin of her inner thigh. Sucking in a harsh breath, Aloy suddenly realized what his intentions were.

"Sahad..." she said shakily, not even realizing she had used his real name.

"Shh. Lie back and don't think. Just feel," Nil crooned, his fingertips just grazing over the thatch of russet hair at the apex of her thighs. Desperate for more of his touch, Aloy did as he said, settling back on her elbows and spreading her legs wider in an attempt to coax him into finally giving her what she truly craved. Throwing her one last, pleased smirk, he finally closed the gap and cupped her aching sex with his entire hand.

The relieved moan that tore out of her at the contact echoed throughout the surrounding area, and although it was somwhat muted by the loud splashing of the several little waterfalls, Aloy still clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle it. But Nil reached over her to tug at her arm, shaking his head with an intent look.

"No. I want to hear what this does to you." To punctuate his point, he ground the heel of his palm against her, eliciting another choked noise from her.

"But...but someone could hear," Aloy panted, staring at him wildly.

"There's no one around for miles, little huntress," he reminded her gently. "Let go."

When his thumb rose to press firmly into her clit, Aloy knew she had lost this particular battle, but she was finding that she didn't actually care all that much. Falling fully back, she lost herself entirely to Nil's practised motions, rolling her hips in time with each one of his steady movements. It wasn't long before he slipped one of his sizeable fingers inside of her, an appreciative groan spilling from him when he found her soaked from both the water and her own arousal. 

"That's a good girl," he growled, leaning over her to drop a hot trail of kisses from her belly up to her breasts. "More?"

"Ah, yeah," Aloy gasped, arching back up again. Nil must have seen the desperate pleading in her eyes, because as soon as he inserted a second finger, stretching her the way she wanted, he surged forward to cover her mouth with his own while he balanced his weight on his free hand. Fingers and tongue worked in time with each other, coaxing her onward and upward, where her inevitable climax was waiting just outside of her grasp.

And when Nil curled his fingers upward in a come hither motion, rubbing over that toe-curling spot inside of her that made her vision go white with pleasure, Aloy finally fell apart with a sobbing cry. The last two weeks of tension finally unfurled and released, pleasure pulsing so intensely inside of her that she could've sworn she went entirely numb for a few seconds. By the time she had a good grasp on herself again, Nil had pulled his fingers from her and was rinsing them off in the creek. Glancing back up at her, he offered her a crooked smile.

"Good?" he asked huskily, bending over her again to nuzzle into the crook of her neck. With a giggle, Aloy shoved at him half-heartedly.

"Yeah, yeah." Her arms snaked around his neck to pull him in for a sweet peck on the lips. "And what about you?"

"Mm, I think we've spent enough time here," Nil said, his eyes crinkled at the edges with fondness while he looked her over. "Besides, I'd like to save myself for the hotel. Wouldn't want to be a disappointment."

"Well, if you are, we can always do more of what just happened," Aloy quipped, squirming beneath him suggestively and grinning when he gave a frustrated groan.

"Tease," he muttered, lifting himself off of her. Helping her down off the rock, he clutched her hand in his own and began to lead her back to shore and back towards the trail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on vacation, but got the cell service to post this on time!
> 
> Rating has now gone up, for obvious reasons. Hope yinz enjoyed it, and see you next week!


	9. Trail Town

**Trail Town** – Towns that are very close to the trail and are popular resupply and rest stops because they have what hikers need and/or are especially friendly to hikers.

-

_May 12th, 2010_

Damascus, VA - a quaint little town cradled in the Appalachians of Virginia, it earned its title of "Trail Town USA" from the seven trails that intersected there, including the AT. With a population of less than one thousand, their main industries were hospitality and resources for the exhausted thru-hiker.

Aloy had never been so happy to arrive at a location in her life. 

As the forest receded, revealing buildings, paved roads, and sidewalks, Nil swung their joined hands cheerfully, leading her towards the small, family-run hotel where he had secured them a reservation for two nights. The hostel at Standing Bear Farm had been nice enough, but Meridian Inn was a level above, and he had played it up more and more the closer they got to town - beds that could swallow you whole with how yielding and soft they were, unlimited hot showers, complementary breakfast buffet, and most importantly of all: complete and total privacy.

Even though she had no reason to be, Aloy couldn't deny that she was nervous. She was unsure if this would change anything between them, despite telling herself over and over again that it was just sex. They had already nearly gotten to this point, and it was just one more little step. Still, anxious as she was, she shuffled a bit closer to Nil and curled her arm around his thick waist. Surprise flashed over his face briefly - Aloy rarely initiated contact first - but he threw his arm over her shoulders, bending down slightly to place a quick kiss on the top of her head.

Another few blocks, and the inn came into view. Converted from an old Queen Anne Victorian mansion and later added on to, Meridian Inn sat on sprawling grounds decorated with well-kept gardens bursting with a riot of colorful spring flowers. An elegant wrought iron fence bordered the property, and ever the gentleman, Nil unlatched the gate, bending in an overdramatic bow and gesturing for Aloy to enter. She rolled her eyes, but a tiny smile bloomed on her face while they walked along the cobbled path to the front door.

The inside was as nicely kept as the outside, much of the original dark wood trim still in tact and accented tastefully by deep reds and flashy golds. Matching, period-correct furniture was arranged carefully around the lobby, bookended by what looked to be real Tiffany lamps. Unused to this level of opulence and terrified to actually touch anything, Aloy instead let her eyes drink in their rich surroundings, until a polite cough sounded to her right, drawing her attention. 

"Good afternoon. Will you two be joining us as guests this evening?" A man who could only be described as beautiful stood at the front desk, his golden brown skin warmed further by the light filtering in through the stained glass window beside him. His long, curly hair was drawn back into one of those messy buns that looked effortless but Aloy knew took forever to get right, and his sparkling amber eyes were kind as he looked both her and Nil over.

"Yes, we are," Nil said, swallowing up the distance between himself in the desk in two long strides. Aloy watched as his gaze swept appreciatively over the other man, and she had to gulp back a laugh - it seemed as though she wasn't the only one who noticed how attractive their host was.

"You must be Sahad Argent and Aloy Sobeck then. My name is Avad Surya, and I'm your innkeeper," he said in a voice as smooth and sweet as honey, bending over the computer and pressing a few keys. "Looks like you've been booked for two nights in the Mountain Laurel Suite. Does that sound correct?"

"Absolutely," Nil said lowly, leaning over the desk more than was strictly necessary.

Clearing his throat and blinking rapidly, Avad typed out a few more things, then straightened and placed a set of keys on the counter between them. "Ah - hm. Well, here are your keys. Your room is up the stairs and the third door on the right. The breakfast buffet begins at 7 am and ends at 10. If you need anything..." Leaning forward a smidge, Avad's tongue darted out to wet his lips. "Don't hesitate to ask."

"Oh, trust me, we won't," Nil purred, giving the other man a quick wink and grabbing at the keys. When he turned to Aloy, the smirk on his face was so smug that she could only groan quietly in response.

Once they were up the stairs and out of earshot, Aloy muttered, "Couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Nope," Nil said, popping his lips on the 'p' at the end as they reached their room. "Don't tell me you're the jealous type, little huntress."

"I know who you're going to be sharing a bed with tonight," Aloy said breezily as he inserted the key into the lock and turned it with an amused chortle. "Besides, I _really_ can't blame you."

"Regardless, my attention will be entirely on you from this moment on." Easing open the door, he urged her into the room first, then stepped in and shut it behind them. 

Their suite was decorated just as lavishly as the lobby. A stately queen bed framed by an intricate wooden headboard sat in the center of the room, which was big enough to also house a sofa and loveseat combo. The door to the bathroom sat off to the right, and, furrowing her brow, Aloy pushed it open to reveal a spacious clawfoot tub with a shower attachment resting on a gleaming marble floor. Nil followed behind her, summoning a beaming grin when she finally looked at him.

"So? What do you think?"

"Nil..." She enunciated every letter in his name, frowning deeply. "How much did this room cost, exactly?"

"Way less than you would think," he said with a casual shrug. "And no, I'm not telling you. This is my treat."

Aloy knew Nil well enough now to understand that there was no arguing with him about gifts. As sparsely as he lived, he also seemed to love making those he cared about happy, and warmth wrapped around her like a cozy blanket when she realized she was well within that category now.

"So, did you want to shower first, or should I?" Nil asked, dragging his fingers with deliberate slowness over the arch of her lower back.

"I..." Aloy wet her lips. "I'll go first."

"All right, little Seeker," he replied, tilting his head with a soft smile. "Don't be too long."

What followed was perhaps the fastest shower of Aloy's life. Despite being coated in the typical hiker's tan of dirt and caked on mud, she managed to scrub it all off and wash and condition her hair using the sweet-smelling soaps provided by the inn in under ten minutes. When she stepped out of the tub, wrapping one of the decadently fluffy white towels around her, she stared down at her pack for a long moment, unsure of what to wear, if anything. Strutting out entirely naked felt a little too forward - and more Nil's style, anyway - so she settled on a cute pair of cotton boyshorts she saved for camp and a clean sports bra.

Nil and her didn't say anything to each other when then swapped out, but Aloy managed to catch the lingering look he gave her mostly unclothed body as he shut the door to the bathroom. After bouncing anxiously back and forth on the balls of her feet for a couple of seconds, she headed to the bed, sat down, and leaned against the headboard with her hands clasped in her lap.

It didn't take too long for Nil to finish showering - military efficiency at its peak, Aloy supposed. Her hands fisted anxiously the blanket at her side, and she worried at her lower lip until she heard to door to the bathroom creak open. Slowly, her gaze rose until it settled on Nil.

He was mostly dry, totally uncovered but for a towel slung low around his hips. Yet again lambasting herself for her inexperience-induced shyness, Aloy felt her cheeks warm when her eyes dropped to the sculpted vee on his abdomen. They then traveled back up slowly until they met the piercing grey of Nil's. Rather than the smirk she had expected to see, seriousness and consideration tightened the lines on his face.

Wordlessly, the former soldier came to the bedside, sitting carefully down next to her. Aloy knew her breath was coming faster now, but she was far beyond having any measure of control over it - thoughts of what was imminently coming were consuming her like flames to kindling. Her breathing caught and stuttered when Nil lifted his hand, brushing his thumb over her jawline then trailing it down to her pulse point. Certain that he could feel how quickly her heart was racing, she swallowed hard and willed it to calm.

"Aloy, are you sure you want to do this?" Nil said, stroking over the sensitive skin of her neck. "You know we don't have to do anything but sit here together, right?"

"I want it, I do," she said, too quickly. Taking a deep breath, Aloy attempted to center herself. "It's just been awhile, you know?"

"I understand." Nil's lips dropped to a sun-kissed shoulder, and Aloy couldn't suppress the shiver of delight that rippled through her. "We'll take this as slowly as you need. And if you want me to stop at any point, just say the word, okay?"

"Okay," Aloy murmured. As his kisses meandered sweetly and softly across the expanse of her collarbones, it was all too easy to allow her eyelids to drift shut and lose herself in his touch. The thought of him stopping was already so far from her mind it might as well be back home in Colorado. Why exactly Nil was being so mindful and gentle with her - nothing more than a trail fling - she couldn't say, but she appreciated it all the same. Besides, Aloy had never been one to refuse what was given freely.

The bed groaned when Nil shifted his weight, throwing a leg over her thighs until he was straddling her. The towel bunched up around his waist, and Aloy's inquisitive fingers fell to the plush fabric, grazing over the soft skin just above it. Nil sighed, giving her that crooked smile of his before bending to catch her lips in a kiss.

This, at least, was immediately familiar. That slow, gentle movement of his lips against her own, but with a simmering heat that was stoked with every new movement. The tip of Nil's tongue probed at her lips, and Aloy opened for him readily, whimpering when it glided into the warm depths of her mouth. His body was still hot from his shower, pleasant against her AC-chilled skin, and, wanting more warmth, more Nil, she finally tugged the towel from his waist. 

With a soft chuckle, Nil cupped one of her breasts through her sports bra, and Aloy marveled at how his hand was so enormous that it covered it entirely with room to spare. Then her thoughts left her completely, because he began to knead firmly and slowly, stoking the flames licking in her core. Not to be outdone, she reached down to grip the already hardened length of his cock, pleased by the choked, surprised gasp it drew from him. Although she had her suspicions from the way he had felt pressed against her during their numerous makeout sessions, this confirmed them. He was thick, definitely larger than any of her previous flings, and the mere thought of him inside of her had Aloy's mouth watering and her hips shifting beneath him. 

With one more hard kiss, Nil drew away from her, giving her breast another playful squeeze. "Mmm, how about we even the score in terms of clothes. Lift your arms for me?"

She reluctantly loosened her grip on him and did as he said, and he made quick work of her bra, throwing it off somewhere to the side. Nil's eyes darkened when they fell to her bared chest, but instead of touching her as Aloy expected, he scooted backwards and off of her legs. A cry of protest fell from her lips, but Nil only gave her a wide grin.

"I said even the score, which means _everything_ needs to come off." With that, he unceremoniously pulled on her legs until she was quite suddenly laying flat on the mattress. Caught off guard, Aloy couldn't do much more but blink owlishly up at the dusty ceiling of their room. Before she could muster up anything in the form of a response, Nil hooked his fingers into her panties and tugged them down and off. Potent pleasure shot through her like an arrow as his fingertips brushed over her clit, and she arched straight off the bed with a wild cry.

"God, Aloy," he groaned, dipping a finger into her slit. "You're already soaking wet for me." 

"Nil," she said weakly, gripping at his wrist, acutely aware of the desperation that was pouring out of her eyes.

"Well, you _have_ been very patient," Nil mused, pushing his finger deeper into her, pulling another whimper from Aloy. "Teasing does draw out the fun, but I suppose it can wait for another time. Besides..."

He bent over, his lips just barely touching her ear when he whispered, "I've been craving this just as much as you." Another one of his long, thick fingers slipped into her, and more blinding shocks of pleasure rippled through her. "Just looking at you lately has been enough to get me hard. So many times I've been tempted..."

Those fingers began to thrust in and out of her slowly, stretching and preparing her for what was to come, while his thumb circled over her clit languidly. Aloy was helpless to do anything but writhe beneath his touch, barely registering the wet drag of his tongue over the shell of her ear.

"But I'm glad we waited." Nil's words were warmer than they were heated, and when he drew back he looked down at her tenderly. "Because now I don't have to worry about anything else but taking care of you."

Beneath the delirium of her pleasure, Aloy's heart skipped a beat and than sped. She couldn't quite wrap her brain around it, but could it be possible that Nil held some level of affection for her beyond what basically amounted to friends with benefits? Her heart wanted so much to believe in it, but her mind quickly chimed in to remind her otherwise - people didn't get attached to Aloy Sobeck in that way. She was too flighty, too independent, _too much_. So she swallowed back all the hope rising within her and forced out as genuine of a smile as she could.

"Well then, let's finish what we started," she said, in what she hoped was a coy tone. Nil's eyes narrowed the slightest fraction, but he didn't say anything else, instead removing his slick coated fingers from her. With a sly grin, he brought them to his lips, his tongue darting out to taste the sticky fluids. A soft moan left him, and he never broke eye contact as he licked and sucked his fingers clean. By the time he had finished, Aloy was breathing hard and more turned on than she'd ever been in her life.

With a cheeky, distinctly pleased grin, Nil reached over to the wooden nightstand to grope around for the condom he had already laid out in preparation. While he took his sweet time ripping open the packaging and smoothing it over himself, Aloy bounced a leg impatiently, wishing more than anything else she had a way to make time move faster. She had already waited long enough for this, and even just a few seconds without the heat of his body pressed against hers felt like torture. After what seemed like hours passed, he finally finished, crawling back on top of her. Aloy's breath caught when she felt the head of his cock nestle itself between her thighs, and she spread them open even wider than before.

"Ready, Aloy?" Nil asked quietly, reaching up to cup her cheek. Leaning into it, she shut her eyes for a brief moment, luxuriating in how good and wanted such a simple touch made her feel. With a small smile, she nodded. Nil returned it, then dipped his head to place a single, lingering kiss between her breasts.

"Beautiful," he breathed against her skin. "You're so beautiful, and more than I could've ever hoped for."

Before Aloy could even begin to process his words, Nil shifted and pressed into her, and her mind blanked entirely. His shallow little thrusts, driving deeper everytime, pushed her higher and higher, and for a moment she was certain she had died and gone to heaven, because there was no way sex could feel this good. She had been correct in her assessment that Nil was far more gifted in the size department than any man she had been with previously, but his insistance on foreplay made his passage far easier than she would've expected. One more rock of his hips, and then he was fully sheathed inside of her, a look of pure rapture lighting up his face.

 _You're the beautiful one_ , she wanted to say.

His fingers found hers, and he twined them together before raising their joined hands above her head and pressing them into the mattress. Slowly then, keeping their eyes locked, he began to move, and Aloy knew then that, unlike her previous flings, she was going to be able to finish this time. Already she could feel orgasm was building, an oncoming and furious storm at the limits of her awareness.

When one stroke hit a particularly sensitive spot, Aloy cried out and hooked her legs around his waist, desperate to bring him closer and have him deeper. A fog of lust was clouding her every thought, and all she could fixate on was the molten silver of his eyes and how he was pinning her to the bed with the heat of his gaze alone. Groaning, Nil slid his free hand beneath her ass and palmed at it, lifting her in time with his thrusts, which were already beginning to quicken.

A few more hard, quick strokes, and Nil pulled out of her with a stuttering hiss. Aloy just about screamed in frustration at the sudden, cloying emptiness, but then he was grabbing her hips and rolling on to his back with her in tow. 

"Hey now, you need to come first," he chided lightly, lifting her until the tip of his cock was brushing against her folds. "Don't want to leave you bereft, after all."

Struck by his thoughtfulness once again, Aloy could only nod, her throat closing up unexpectedly. Clearing it and refocusing on the task at hand, she began to sink down on to Nil, the sensation of him stretching her somehow even better than it had been the first time around. From this position, she had the vast majority of the control, and when she gave an experimental rock of her hips, a wave of ecstasy-choked euphoria washed over her. 

"Fuck, that's it," Nil growled when she bottomed out, his hands trailing up the soft skin of her belly. "Take what's yours, pretty Seeker."

Encouraged by his words, she immediately set a frantic pace, Nil's moan of approval and the sharp bite of his nails digging into her hips only spurring her onward and upward. Her movements were jerky and unpracticed, but Aloy was entirely beyond caring, because she was so close to her completion already, it would just take a little more, just a little something extra -

Without any warning, Nil stiffened beneath her, throwing his head back into the pillow with a wild cry as he gave a final, hard thrust deep into her, and the sight of him so unraveled by her and her alone had Aloy instantly following him over that edge. His name left her lips in a sob, overwhelming sensation far beyond anything she had ever experienced crashing over her in pulsing waves, her hips grinding almost painfully against his to eek out every last ounce of pleasure she could while she rode out her climax. 

When Aloy finally came back down sometime later, her breathing still labored, Nil was smiling tenderly at her, his eyes heavy-lidded with sleepiness. Grabbing her hips, he lifted her off of him carefully, and Aloy immediately curled up at his side, shutting her eyes and basking in the fuzzy, radio-static feeling of the afterglow where the world felt pleasantly distant. But her lover's warmth soon left her, and she gave a soft whine of protest.

"Hold on, sweetheart," Nil whispered. She could feel the kiss he dropped on her forehead before his weight left the bed. Slitting her eyes open, she watched as he strode to the bathroom, presumably to clean himself up. Aloy knew she should as well, but the bed was so comfortable, and her limbs felt as though they weighed as much as boulders. 

Fortunately, Nil came back with a damp hand towel, and he coaxed her thighs open so he could clean up the sticky mess between her legs. Once he was finished, without even bothering to get up, he threw it in the general direction of the bathroom and laid by her side with a relieved groan. Aloy sighed when he pulled her to the firm warmth of his chest, feeling curiously small in the wide cage of his embrace.

"Sorry about that," murmured Nil, absentmindedly toying with a few strands of her hair. 

Angling her head upward, Aloy could only stare at him, baffled. "Uh, what exactly are you apologizing for?"

Nil sighed, giving her a brief squeeze. "I wanted to make sure that you finished first, and then I went and fucked that up because you felt too good."

Rolling her eyes, Aloy jabbed a finger into his ribs. "Oh, please. Don't tell me that wounded your pride or something equally ridiculous. It worked out just fine, and you're not allowed to apologize for giving me the best sex of my life."

The grin that spread over his face was so cat that got the cream that Aloy almost regretted complimenting him. But instead of milking it for all it was worth as he normally would, Nil gave a wide, drawn-out yawn.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a nap right now," he said, burying his face against his neck. His facial hair tickled at her skin, and Aloy had to suppress the urge to giggle.

"Yeah, I think I could go for one," she replied softly, nuzzling her nose into his silky hair. 

Nil hummed happily and, giving her one last tight hug, slackened his hold on Aloy and rearranged her until he was spooning her the way he usually did before they fell asleep every night. It didn't take long at all for his breathing to slow and even out - Nil always seemed to be able to fall asleep anywhere, at anytime. But although she was exhausted, Aloy wasn't so lucky, and after about ten minutes of attempting to get her mind to calm, she gave up entirely.

Huffing a frustrated sigh, she twisted around in Nil's arms until she was facing him. A smile touched her lips at the rumbling noise of protest he made, but it faded away as her eyes drifted over the relaxed angles of his face.

A few dark strands of hair had fallen over his brow, and Aloy reached up absentmindedly to brush them away. Her fingertips lingered, sliding down to trace over the sharp curve of his cheek. Unbidden, tears gathered in her eyes. 

Aloy couldn't lie to herself anymore. Her feelings had soared far beyond those of friendship, grown well past the initial crush she had on him. The truth was, she was falling in love with Nil.

How could she not have? After a lifetime of loneliness, he had swept into her life and changed everything for her. For the first time, someone wanted just her. Someone found her interesting and beautiful and worth being around, someone who didn't shy away from her awkwardness or inexperience. Someone who she felt the exact same way about.

And at the end of the trail, they would have to go their separate ways.

Aloy wasn't so foolish as to believe that she was capable of carrying on such a long distance relationship or that Nil even wanted something like that in the first place. After today, she would be blind to think that he didn't care for her deeply as well, but that didn't change the fact that every step, every mile brought them closer to where they would part.

If it was stupid to stay with him knowing all of this, then so be it. Aloy had spent her life making all of the right choices, and look at where she had ended up as a consequence of that. For now, she resolved to enjoy what she had with Nil while it lasted. 

She just hoped that, at the end, she'd be able to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Avad! And they finally got into bed with each other! But what's this? Aloy has caught feelings...
> 
> Now that's we're ahead I'm going to be going back to once a week posting. It'll give me time to finish up the remainder of the story (I have about five chapters left, accounting for the bits already written) so I'll see yinz next Monday! (As always, your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!)


	10. Calorie Loading

**Calorie Loading** – Eating as much high fat food as you can during a town stop.

\--

_May 13th - June 13th, 2010_

"Aloy..."

Wrinkling her nose, she shoved her face deeper into her pillow, keeping her eyes sealed shut. There was soft laughter, and then the sensation of a single finger meandering its way up her back. But still, she fought against waking totally, steadfastly clutching at the last remaining threads of her sleepiness.

"Come on, little Seeker." A long pause, and then she felt lips skimming over the shell of her right ear. "I got you bear claws."

The promise of her favorite breakfast pastry was too much for even someone as stubborn as Aloy to resist. Easing her eyes open, she twisted around until she was face to face with a beaming Nil, who was triumphantly holding up a _very_ large donut box as though it were the Holy Grail.

Stifling a yawn, she picked herself up into a sitting position, eying his prize blearily. "Jesus, how much did you get, Nil?"

"Oh, about half a dozen giant bear claws for you, a dozen assorted donuts for me," he said with a rolling shrug. "But that's not the important part. The how and where is."

Aloy rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Okay, first of all, that's entirely too much food and will go stale before we can eat all of it. Secondly, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Trust me, you're going to want to eat all of these." Setting the box down on the bed, he began to work the top flap open. "The donut shop these are from is apparently legendary. I woke up at 5 am just to get in line."

Aloy sighed as he finally managed to get the box open. "Your priorities are really weird sometimes, you know that?"

"My weird priorities are what secured you what I can promise will be one of the best bear claws you've ever had in your life," Nil snipped back, but his grin didn't falter while he handed her a pastry. "You should be thanking me, truly. Now, go ahead and eat. You should be calorie loading right now anyway."

Fixing him with a skeptical look, Aloy bit into her breakfast.

"Damn it," she muttered.

As usual, Nil was right. The pastry was yeasty and flaky, the almond paste inside sinfully creamy and rich. While she chewed and her groggy brain finally started firing on all cylinders, warmth welled up in her chest. She had only brought up bear claws once in the form an offhand comment about her favorite kind of donut, and he had actually somehow remembered this inconsequential tidbit about her.

Aloy had only managed to finish a single bear claw and was eying a second when Nil leaned forward to kiss her abruptly, his mouth sweet and sticky from the traces of jam filling from his own donut. Wrapping his fingers around her wrist, he brought it to his lips once they had parted, his tongue darting out to sweep up the remnant crumbs and glaze off her fingertips. Lazy tendrils of desire curled in her gut as she watched him lick her fingers clean much how he had last night, his eyes consumed by a ravenous hunger that was already threatening to swallow her whole. Fisting her hands in his shirt, Aloy dragged him in for a kiss, demandingly thrusting her tongue into his mouth, which tasted of sugar and him and was entirely too addictive.

Without breaking their kiss, Nil rearranged their positions until he was leaning against the headboard and Aloy was straddling his lap. A groan escaped him when she ground down on him, the evidence of his want for her providing a delicious friction against her core only hampered by the barrier of a few thin but frustrating layers of fabric. Reaching down between them, Nil pressed his fingers against her clothed slit, the cotton already damp from her burgeoning arousal. He set a rapid pace, rubbing and teasing at her, seeming to know exactly how much pressure Aloy needed and purposefully falling just short of that point, pulling the most desperate and pleading whimpers and moans from her.

But even Nil had his limits. Growling against her mouth, he finally stopped toying with her after a couple of endless minutes and tugged her panties down one handed until they dangled from an ankle while Aloy fumbled with the tie on his athletic shorts. The frantic lust clouding her brain made it difficult to focus, as all she could fixate on was having him inside of her, _now_ , but she managed to yank his pants down just enough to free his fully hardened cock. 

Satisfied enough with this level of undress, Aloy was the one this time to reach over to the bedside table and grab a condom. Dimly, instructions from sex ed classes from years ago echoed through her head. Ripping open the tiny package, she then pinched the bulbous tip and rolled it as fast as humanly possible over him. All the while, Nil kept his silvered eyes trained on his, his breathing labored, his cheeks flushed, and the second the latex hit the base of his length, his hands were on her hips, and he was urging her upwards. 

A loud moan tore from Aloy when he pulled her straight down onto his waiting cock, sheathing himself inside of in one effortless, gliding motion. Nil felt beyond amazing inside of her, thick and hot and hard, stretching her pussy nearly to its limit. Her hips twitched and rolled jerkily as she rode him, the wanton noises and gasping curses he gave with each matching thrust fanning the heat inside of her into a wild inferno that could only be quenched by her climax.

Wrenching her tank top up, Nil revealed her breasts. His head dipped forward, his lips finding a pearled nipple, his fingers closing around the other, and Aloy nearly lost herself right there between the flick and lap of his tongue and the pluck and pinch of his fingertips. In response, her pace only quickened, her breath came harder, and the tension and pressure within her wound tighter and tighter, until she could barely stand it. Nil seemed to sense that she was close, because his hand on her breast dropped to the waist and was joined by the other, his pelvis shifted into a different position and - _oh_. 

The thrust he gave, at just the perfect angle with the perfect amount of force behind it, broke her apart in an instant. Aloy's keening cries echoed throughout the bedroom, joined by Nil's snarling shout as he followed after her, twitching and gasping beneath her while they rode out their climaxes together.

With a satisfied sigh, she collapsed bodily against his chest, burrowing into that cozy nook beneath his chin where her head fit perfectly. Humming, Nil stroked his hands over her back, every so often dropping a kiss on the crown of her head.

"We've made quite the mess, little huntress," he murmured, his deep voice a pleasant vibration against her cheek. "It's about time to clean up."

"We don't have to be anywhere or do anything today," Aloy groused, curling her fingers in his shirt. "What's the rush?"

"I'm still hungry," he said matter-of-factly. 

"Then maybe you should've thought about that before seducing me," she mumbled, but began the process of lifting herself off him all the same.

"Hunger can take many forms," Nil replied lightly, shooting her a cheeky grin when she rolled her eyes in response. "And this one just happened to be of a higher priority."

Before Aloy could scoot off the bed to head to the bathroom, Nil pulled her in for one last kiss, cradling her face and brushing the pads of his thumbs over her cheeks tenderly, before finally letting her go. Some unnamed, heavy emotion glimmered in his eyes, and Aloy could only bring herself to stare at him for a couple of seconds before it became too much, and she had to tear her gaze away. Feeling as though she had swallowed an entire mouthful of sand and it was now coating her throat with grit, Aloy stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. With a shaky sigh, she slid down against it, burying her face in her hands and sucking in a huge breath.

Staying unattached was going to be way harder than she thought.

The rest of the day floated by lazily. Gratuitous rest days like this were rare out on the trail, and Aloy begrudgingly admitted that Nil had made the right call by securing them higher-end accomodations. Soaking up every last ounce of luxury, they spent a good portion of the day in bed in a cozy nest of sheets and blankets, only emerging around dinner time. Avad was down at the front desk again, and he gave them a blinding smile as radiant as the sun when they shuffled by to leave in search of food.

When the next morning dawned clear and sunny, Aloy was perturbed to find herself reluctant to leave. The promise of an easy day of hiking was usually enough to get her enthusiastically hopping out of bed the instant the first rays of sun crept over the horizon. But today, as soon as light began to filter into their room, she only squinted at it in annoyance and rolled back over into the lump of blissful warmth that was Nil. 

Heartbreakingly, her partner betrayed her too. Instead of closing his arms around her and cuddling her like she clearly wanted him to, Nil instead eased both of them up with a resigned sigh.

"No," Aloy mumbled, latching on to him like an irritable, defiant barnacle. "Couple more minutes."

Laughter breezed over her hair, and she felt Nil smooth it down gently. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, sweetheart, but you know as well as I do that we have to get going."

With a frustrated moan and a great deal of effort - some of which was for show - Aloy pried herself off of her lover, making sure that her disapproving scowl was visible to him the entire time. Chuckling, Nil patted at her back before sliding out of bed the get ready for the day. 

Virginia comprised the longest stretch of the Appalachian Trail by far, with Damascus only being the gateway to the state, and Aloy approached it with fresh determination after their couple days of rest. Some days were easy, most were difficult to some extent, but over the next month she found that she was more content than she'd ever been in her life. Even the worst of days, those miserable slogs where they had to trudge through ankle-high mud or battle torrential downpours or hike twenty miles entirely uphill (sometimes, if the universe was being particularly cruel, all three at once) were made tolerable by the fact that she had Nil to lean on when the inevitable frustration and despair every thru-hiker faced got the better of her. He never once complained or shrugged her off, always willing to be a listening ear or open his arms to her when she needed him to. Although Aloy knew that she'd have been able to conquer any of these challenges on her own, having his staunch support kept her far happier than she would've been otherwise. As a result, her misery index stayed low, while her bliss index soared higher than it ever had before on the good days.

Unfortunately, despite the season still technically being spring, it felt as though they were already fully immersed in the dog days of summer. As the calendar rolled over into June, the air grew thick and stifling, the daytime temperature regularly peaking somewhere in the neighborhood of eighty degrees. If Aloy weren't already mostly comfortable with being as intimate with Nil as she was, she would be forced to be now. 

Because the uncomfortable reality was that performing strenuous physical activity for hours at a time in near one hundred percent humidity without access to a shower made both of them stink to high heaven. A stick of extra strength deodorant and the occasional splash in a lukewarm creek could only do to much to stave off the sweat, oil, and dirt which were Aloy's constant companions these days. The disgusting bouquet of smells these inspired was becoming more and more difficult to wash out of her clothes, a fate which Aloy had long since resigned herself to. It was gross, yes, but she accepted it as an unfortunate but necessary part of the experience. Nil, on the other hand, was having much more trouble adjusting.

"I hate this. I hate this so fucking much," he moaned on one particularly scorching day. No longer just a mild sheen or a few beads along his hairline, sweat was pouring in rivulets down his face, and his sweat-wicking tank and bicycle shorts were already soaked to capacity. Having abandoned his baseball cap several miles back, his short hair was greasy and stuck out at odd angles, and she had to stifle a laugh at how adorably ridiculous he looked.

Aloy gave him a pointed look, holding out her arms and twirling in a slow circle as they walked. "This isn't even as bad as it's going to get. And do I look like I'm in much better shape?"

Nil grunted noncommittally. "No, but you're also obviously more used to this than I am. We had hygiene standards in the military, you know."

"Oh, so you're saying I'm dirty? That I enjoy being gross?" Crossing her arms over her damp chest, Aloy leveled him with a glare that was only half-serious.

She was shocked when he didn't snipe back at her or laugh her off as usual. Instead, he only sighed and stared down at his feet, running his fingers through his messy hair yet again. Frowning, Aloy examined him for a few moments. 

_He must actually be miserable,_ she realized with a pang. _Maybe a change of subject would help._

"How much backpacking experience did you have before this, Nil?" She kept her voice soft and light in an attempt to avoid sounding like she was prying. For as talkative as Nil was, he generally didn't speak much about his past and even less about his time in the Marines.

"Not much," he replied with a grimace. "Growing up where I did, camping was a really common activity. My dad would occasionally take me out on camping and fishing trips, and we'd do some hiking, but that was about it. I figured my time as a soldier was all the preparation I would need."

"Your dad?" Aloy asked nonchalantly, failing to keep a lid on her bubbling curiosity. "You've never brought him up before.

"Because we haven't spoken since I joined the military," Nil said flatly, irritation lacing through his tone.

"Oh." Aloy winced. "I, uh. Sorry."

"Goddamnit. No, it's fine." Exhaling slowly, Nil rubbed a forearm over his eyes. "Don't apologize, little Seeker. You couldn't have known. This weather is making me into an enormous asshole, and I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Let's just talk about something else," Aloy said, fiddling with the straps of her pack and wishing desperately that some of the cloying awkwardness that had descended upon them like a miasma would dissipate. "If you didn't have any experience, why did you decide to thru-hike the AT instead of doing something like a muti year section-hike, then?" Hastily, she added, "Not that I don't think that you're capable of it."

Nil eyed her, his expression inscrutable. "You saw my first entry at Standing Hawk, right?"

Aloy furrowed her brow. "Yeah, but you said not to take that seriously. Dramatics and all that."

"Because I was just another stranger to you at the time," he said bluntly, staring out over the path ahead. "But now that you do, you should know that there was more truth in those words than I lead you to believe."

Her heart plummeted to her feet as she recalled his impeccably neat handwriting scrawled over the worn page of the logbook, and Aloy jerked to a stop mid-step. 

"Aloy?" Nil had stopped as well, his face creased concern for her, and she had to force back a bitter laugh. She wasn't the cause for concern here.

"Sahad, what you wrote..." The use of his real name had her partner stiffening, and the look in his eyes grew wary. There was no point to beating around the bush, so Aloy pressed on. "You sounded like you wanted to die."

Haunted grief twisted Nil's face until it was almost unrecognizable, and everything in her called out to touch him, to comfort him, but she also knew it probably wasn't her place. "You wouldn't be wrong."

"Do you..." She licked at her suddenly dry lips. "Do you still feel that way?"

A pained smirk of self-loathing distorted his features even more. "Some days, yes. I'll wake up and want nothing more than to go back to sleep, because just simply existing feels like too much. But now..." Some of the grooves on his face softened and smoothed out while his gaze swept over her. "It's not like it was at the beginning. I'm starting to see that I have a lot to potentially look forward to, and that there are still things out there worth fighting and living for."

Words piled up in Aloy's throat until she felt as though she could choke on them, but instead of speaking, she gulped them right back down while she tried to decipher what exactly Nil was saying. 

"So, to answer your question as to why I did this in the first place..." He suddenly started walking again then, and Aloy stared at the empty space where he had been for a moment before trotting after him to catch up. "I was looking for a reason to live, or not. It's as simple as that."

Her next words exited her as a trepidatious whisper, terrified of what she might hear in return. "And did you find it? A reason to live?"

His roughened hand found hers, boiling hot and slick with sweat, but Aloy found herself not minding at all when Nil twined their fingers together and glanced over his shoulder at her contemplatively. "Nothing's certain, but, you know...I really think I have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting heavy from here on out. There will be a few content warnings on the next chapter, so keep that in mind.
> 
> See yinz next week! Please leave a kudos if you haven't already and I always appreciate and respond to comments!! 🥺


	11. The Look

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CONTENT WARNINGS: discussion and exploration of symptoms of combat-related PTSD, panic attacks**

**Look, The** – At some point in the trail a hiker will develop the look. It’s a combination of a lean, muscular body and a look of confidence and determination in the eyes. Those who have the look will probably finish their hikes. Those who don't have the look will probably leave the trail before they finish.

\--

_June 14th, 2010_

"You know, I've seen a big change in you recently," Nil commented after several minutes of unusual silence from him. It was around midday, and the couple had just stepped on to a brand new trailhead in Jefferson National Forest.

Arching an eyebrow, Aloy glanced over at him. He gave her a lopsided grin in return. "Oh? And what would that be?"

A strong arm hooked around hers, and Nil's roughened thumb brushed over the sensitive skin on the inside of her elbow. A delighted shiver coursed up her spine. He tugged her a bit closer to his side as they continued to walk.

"You've got 'The Look'," he said solemnly. 

The term sounded frustratingly familiar, but Aloy couldn't recall what exactly it referred too. "What do you mean?"

"That glint of determination in your eye, the perfectly toned leanness of your body," Nil explained, shooting her a sly smile when her cheeks warmed at his compliments. "It means you're going to finish the trail."

Aloy laughed, shaking her head. "Of course I am. I've known that from the beginning."

Stopping, Nil turned and pulled her in close. Aloy was about to protest that they couldn't lose their momentum, but all of those silly thoughts died away when he leaned down to give her a brief but searing kiss. When they parted, he reached up to tuck a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. 

"And that is why, little huntress, I - "

Nil's head suddenly jerked up, his entire body stiffening as though he'd been encased in ice. One hand flew to his belt where he kept his knife, and the other shoved a startled Aloy roughly behind his back. 

"Nil, what - "

"Hush, Aloy," he said lowly, his sharp eyes scanning the treeline. "We're being watched."

A chill slithered through her gut, but logic and reason prevailed. "And how exactly do you know that?"

"Several tours in war zones are enough to heighten anyone's senses. Now, _quiet_." 

That was when Aloy truly began to worry. In all of their time together, Nil had never used anything remotely like the tone of voice he was speaking with now. Instead of his normal easy-going cadence, his words were clipped and furious. Some deep instinct demanded she listen to his instructions.

With an enraged snarl, he threw his pack to the ground, yanked his knife from its leather sheath, and stepped forward. 

"Come on!" he yelled into the dense brush, brandishing his weapon and crouching low to the earth "Show yourself! If you want a fight, I'm right fucking here!"

A pregnant moment swelled and passed, but nothing but cheerily chirping birds and the gentle rustling of dried tree leaves answered him. Biting at her lip, Aloy stepped forward and laid what she hoped was a calming hand on his arm.

"Sahad, I don't think anyone is out there. We should probably - "

Without warning, Nil wheeled on her, and Aloy instinctively recoiled. Not because of the sudden movement - but his eyes. Instead of glimmering with the warm, teasing affection she had grown so used to, they were flat, grey, and as dead as a corpse's - familiar in a way she couldn't quite place. In that moment, she realized she was looking into the eyes of someone trained to kill. 

It was then that a violent crashing rang out somewhere beyond the treeline. Both of their heads whipped towards the sound. With an animalistic roar, Nil twisted back around and took off into the deep woods. Without a second thought, Aloy sprinted after him.

"Nil, _stop_!" she cried out. "You're going to get lost! We need to stay on the trail!"

He was beginning to gain speed, but Aloy was just as determined not to lose him as he was to chase after whatever had apparently been stalking them. Shrugging off her pack as she ran, she pumped her legs harder, the sudden weightlessness from losing twenty pounds making her feel as though she was flying. The gap between them began to close. Mustering every remaining ounce of energy, she leapt forward and tackled him to the earth.

Nil went down with an infuriated scream. The knife flew from his grip, landing a few feet away with a muffled thump. He immediately curled around and switched their positions in one smooth, practiced motion, his face gnarled with fury when he pinned her to the ground. But then his eyes caught on hers, and it was as if a switch had been flipped. Gradually, all of the rage and terrifying wildness melted away until only shame and a dawning sense of horror remained. 

"Aloy, I - " He licked at his chafed lips, uncertainty tightening the lines on his face. "I'm so sorry, I just - "

"Are you okay?" she interjected brokenly, bringing her fingertips to his cheek. Under her touch, he shuddered, and her chest clenched painfully. More than anything else, worry consumed her. "You didn't - you didn't look like yourself back there."

Nil's laugh was sharp and bitter. "No. No, I'm not okay, little huntress. I haven't been for a very long time."

With a wince, Nil lifted himself off of Aloy. Sitting back on his heels, he offered a hand to help her sit up, and Aloy took it gratefully.

After a few more seconds passed in silence, she said, "You can talk to me about this, you know."

Nil shook his head, his eyes still darting between the trees as if they were chasing ghosts. "I will. Later. I don't know who - or what - that was, but we should probably get out of here and back on the trail." 

They did just that, and the rest of the day and evening passed mostly in silence. It wasn't their usual easy kind, either - a painful tension had wound its way around them, so tight it felt as though it could snap at any time. Aloy had never hated a feeling so much in her life, but she didn't know what to say or do to relax the taut threads between them. And judging by the way Nil couldn't seem to look at her, maybe doing nothing was the right call anyway.

When it came time for bed and they crawled into the tent, Aloy made to scoot close as she usually did for their nighttime cuddling and poetry reading. But instead of pulling out one of his paperbacks, Nil merely turned on his side and extinguished the lantern without a single word. Aloy was left staring at the wide expanse of his back, hurt from his blatant rejection pulsing through her in a throbbing tattoo. Mechanically, she turned over herself, curling up in the confines of her sleeping bag instead of his embrace and wrapping her own arms around her to find some semblance of comfort. Sleep was hard to come by, but the stress and exhaustion of the long day eventually caught up to her and had her drifting off into an uneasy slumber.

Rather than waking to the sun filtering into the tent, Aloy was instead startled awake by screaming.

It was still dark outside when she came to. Discordant shouts and wild thrashing sounded in a horrific cacophony of noise beside her, and it only took seconds for Aloy to snap into full awareness. She shot up into a seated position instantly.

"Nil!" she cried, twisting over to lay her hands on him. His skin was clammy and as chilled as ice, and she realized that he had somehow wormed his way out of his sleeping bag entirely. "Sahad, wake up!"

When she gave him a firm shake, his eyes popped open, bulging and shiny with terror. 

"What - where - " he panted, his feral gaze darting unseeingly over their surroundings.

"It's okay," Aloy said, gripping one of his hands with both of hers and rubbing her thumbs over it soothingly. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest, but she willed with all of her might for it to calm. Nil needed her right now, and she had to stay in control. "I think you had a nightmare. Nothing bad happened, okay? You're safe."

"But it did." A howling sob wrenched from him. "They're all dead, and it's my fucking fault."

"No one's dead, Sahad," she said, tightening her grip on his hand. "I'm right here, see? I'm just fine."

He didn't respond, too overcome by the strangled cries wracking his body. At that moment, Aloy had never felt more lost or helpless in her life. Afraid to make anything worse, she decided to stay put and continue holding and stroking his hand, because that at least didn't seem to bother him. 

It took awhile for his breathing to slow to a normal pace and his sobs to quiet down into the occasional gasp. Clarity gradually returned to the blank grey of his eyes, eventually finding hers after spending the majority of the past several minutes staring off at some unknown point in the distance.

"Aloy," Nil said hoarsely. "I...it would help if I could hold you. Could you come here? Please?"

"Are you sure?" Hesitation and doubt gave her pause, but the watery smile and nod he gave her had them draining away in the next moment. 

With deliberate slowness, Aloy laid down beside him. Relief burst within her when his arms snaked around her, drawing her snugly against him. Nil was still trembling, so she wrapped her arms around him too, running her palms along his back until some of his shaking calmed.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he murmured into her hair. "Holding on to you like this helps ground me and remind me where I am."

"I'm glad." Aloy paused, pursing her lips together. "I don't mean to pry, but..."

"I think, after that, I owe you an explanation," Nil replied wearily. "I should have told you sooner, but if I'm honest, I was afraid of how you'd react."

"I'm not going to judge you, Sahad," she said softly, tilting her head up to press a kiss on to his pulse point. "At least now I know why you choose to avoid shelters."

Disbelieving laughter resounded in his chest. "Hear me out before you make any promises." Nil separated from her just enough so he was able to look her in the eye. The worry Aloy found there made her want to reach out to soothe it away, but she wasn't sure how much he'd tolerate from her at the moment, so her arms remained firmly circled around his waist. "First of all, I wanted to apologize for how I behaved earlier, before bed. I know that it hurt you, but after what happened this afternoon, I was ashamed and trying to numb myself to what happened. I don't want you to believe that any of it was your fault."

His words wrapped Aloy in relieving comfort, putting to bed most of her anxieties and fears. Before she could open her mouth to respond, however, he shook his head.

"Let me finish, little Seeker. It's best that I get this over with all at once." Pulling in a deep breath, he began, "You already know that I've seen combat several times. But what I haven't been telling you is that I developed post-traumatic stress disorder after one tour in particular, and I've been suffering from it ever since. Part of it is paranoia and being easily startled, and I think what happened this afternoon set it off and triggered the nightmare. Being around someone else like I have with you, especially sleeping next to you, has calmed it to a degree, but I should've known that wouldn't last forever, and I'm sorry." His hold on her tightened. "I'm so fucking sorry you had to see any of this, and I'll understand completely if you want to split up after today."

"No," came Aloy's firm response, surprising even herself with how immediate it was. But she knew it was her heart speaking, and she opened to it, letting the words pour out of her. "I understand why you're giving me the option to walk away, but I'm not leaving you. None of this is your fault, and you don't deserve to be punished for it. I can't..." Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them away stubbornly. "I can't even imagine what any of this is like for you. Having to relive that, even in sleep - "

"I don't relive the exact events in dreams, persay," Nil interrupted her. "It's more like...re-experiencing the emotions, the sheer terror, in abstract. What you're referring to - flashbacks - they usually happen when I'm conscious, when something triggers them in my memories. Although being on the trail has allowed me to avoid that for the most part."

"Because it's quiet and peaceful out here, huh?"

"Well, yes." Nil angled his head down to drop a sweet kiss on her forehead. Aloy could feel his lips curved into a slight smile where they touched her skin, and some of the suffocating worry within her eased. "And there's the not-so-small factor of having a distractingly beautiful woman traveling with me."

"Shush," Aloy muttered, hiding her own smile against his bare chest. It quickly faded away, however. "My point is, I'm dedicated to seeing this through with you, Sahad. You don't have to tell me anything that happened, just how to deal with your symptoms in the event that something sets you off again. I want to be able to help you, or at least not make anything worse."

"Would you listen, if I told you?" Nil said in a hushed, tentative voice. "About what happened that day?"

"Of course." Aloy worried at her lip. "But only if it wouldn't do more harm than good. I don't want you to have to force yourself to tell me anything because you feel obligated."

"Usually it would be too much for me to handle, but you're the perfect combination of distant enough from the situation but close enough to me personally that I feel like I can trust you." Unwinding his limbs from hers, Nil wormed over a few inches and propped himself up on an elbow. His expression was strained with seriousness, but no traces of the previous terror and panic that had dominated him earlier remained, so Aloy gave him a nod, rising to a seated position herself.

"Go ahead."

"It was June of 2006. We had just returned to the Camp Fallujah area after spending two and a half months involved in operations around Baghdad." Nil's voice and eyes were far away, staring into some unknown place in the past that Aloy couldn't see or even begin to understand. Still, remembering his previous comments about her touch grounding him, she reached out to take his hand in hers once again. He shot her a grateful look before continuing, "My squad and I were traveling in a Humvee convoy in a routine patrol, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary."

Nil's eyes squeezed shut, his grip on her hand constricting almost painfully before he slackened it. "But that's always when it happens, huh? When you're the least prepared, when you think everything is just fine." 

"You don't need to finish if you don't want to," Aloy reminded him gently.

"Please, Aloy. I need to get this out." Still keeping an iron grip on her hand, he sat up all the way and straightened out his spine. "It was an IED. There were never any answers as far as where it came from, but I guess that doesn't matter in the end. It detonated directly under our vehicle. The world exploded around me, and then there was blackness. When I came to..." The last few words were harsh and strangled, and Nil swallowed and gave a sharp exhale before pushing on. "When I came to in a field hospital, they told me my entire squad had been KIA. And for some fucked up reason, I was almost entirely untouched beyond a mild concussion and some scrapes and bruises. A miracle, the medics said. You should be thanking God that you're still alive and in one piece."

Fury tore at his features until he was seething, his breath ragged and short. "I wanted to scream in their faces, tell them that all I wanted was to be as dead as my squad was so I didn't have to bear this burden of grief, so that I didn't have to navigate the waking fucking nightmare my life had suddenly become. All I kept asking myself was, 'why me, why me?'. But instead of getting help, I hid each new symptom that popped up even though I _knew_ they were all telltale signs of PTSD. I lived in a constant state of denial. I kept on serving through my full term, another three and a half years, and I don't even know why anymore. Maybe it was out of some fucked up notion that I could avenge their deaths or die trying. Every day I remained alive was another reminder that they were all gone. It wasn't until I was discharged a few months ago that I actually started seeing a therapist at the VA hospital and had to begin facing all of this."

"Oh, Sahad," Aloy whispered, a few of the tears stinging her eyes finally escaping to trail down her cheeks. "You know that I'm glad you're alive, right? The fact that I got to meet you...everything you've done for me..."

"And yet I'm nothing close to what you deserve," he said quietly, staring down at their joined hands. Most of the anger had drained from him, leaving him haggard with exhaustion. "Regardless of the label you want to put on what we have together, you deserve someone whole. Someone who doesn't run off into the woods in a fit of paranoia or wake you up at three in the morning when you need to be resting. If none of this had ever happened to me, I could have been that man for you. But I'm not, and I never can be, and none of this should be your responsibility."

"And despite all of that, you're enough for me," Aloy replied, putting every ounce of conviction she possessed into those few words. "I like being around you, Sahad. I _want_ to stay with you. I want to keep hiking with you and listen to you read poetry to me every night, hear your dumb jokes, keep you from doing stupid things. Don't take that choice away from me. Don't send me away." Her voice had become choked with pleading from the sharp panic clawing at her chest. 

"I won't," he breathed, his lips slightly parted. "If you're sure, if you really think you can handle all of this...I want you to stay with me too."

She finally moved then, carefully so as not to startle him, shifting until she was sitting curled up in his lap the way she did sometimes when he read to her. Automatically, Nil's arms wrapped around her waist, his forehead dropping until it was resting against her shoulder. Warm, wet tears seeped into the fabric of her sleeping shirt.

"Fuck it all," Nil choked out. "Fuck them all for what they did to me. The government, the military, every last one of those greedy, ghoulish motherfuckers. I could've been good enough for you if it wasn't for them. I was 17 years old when 9/11 happened with no clear picture of what I wanted to do with my life, and the recruiters swooped in like vultures. It's your duty and honor to defend the country! The highest expression of patriotism! I enlisted immediately upon graduation and was deployed right after boot camp. I don't know what it's like to live a normal, adult life, Aloy. I want to try, but I don't know where to start, and I'm afraid."

"Then we start here, in this moment." She craned her head around, and Nil lifted his head, his eyes swollen and red-rimmed. "Both of us. I know nothing I've gone through in my life can even come close to what you have, but I've been afraid and lost too. Maybe we can figure out this whole being an adult thing together."

The gratitude and depth of emotion gleaming in Nil's eyes was so intense that Aloy had no choice but to close the gap between them and slant her mouth over his. His lips were slick and salty with his tears but were everything she wanted, and it felt as though she had come home in a way. When she pulled away, not willing to part from him entirely just yet, the beginnings of a smile were dawning on her partner's face.

"Okay," he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. "Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned several of you that this would get dark, and here we are. I want to stress that this is a difficult subject involving a LOT of nuance, and I tried to write this with as much care and consideration as humanly possible, drawing on my own post-9/11 experiences and those of several relatives and friends who are combat vets.
> 
> I'll see yinz next week when we get a little more lighthearted again!


	12. Pink Blazing

**Pink Blazing** – Changing your hiking pace in order to follow a girl. Usually it means that a guy is slowing down his pace or distance every day to hike with a girl; or, in some cases, he yellow blazes to catch up with a girl.

-

_June 15th - June 24th, 2010_

The day after Nil's breakdown, the pair decided without any argument to take a rest day. Such an enormous lack of sleep would have meant low mileage anyway, and it was no great loss in time. Unfortunately, with the daytime temperatures still hovering in the realm of disgustingly hot and humid, sleeping in the stifling confines tent would only be an exercise in misery. 

The day at least was clear, and there was a refreshing breeze rustling through the trees, so Nil dragged their sleeping pads outside. The thick canopy of leaves above them blocked out most of the harsh summer sunlight, making napping a blessedly easy task, although Aloy lamented the fact that she couldn't sleep curled up with Nil as she usually did on account of the hotter weather. Seeing the dismay clearly written on her face, he reached out to her, and she only managed to fall asleep once their hands were tightly clasped together. Thankfully, there were no further nightmares that day.

Aloy was reluctant to stray too far from him after that. Even while they were hiking, she found herself reaching out to Nil more with the casual touches that had once been foreign to her. Part of it was to reassure him of her presence, as she was determined to help keep him grounded in reality as he had requested. But there was also a small part that was motivated by her own selfish desire for comfort, for a way to remind herself that he wanted her by his side as much as she did him. More and more, thoughts of what was to come at the end of the trail crept into her mind like uninvited house guests, and sometimes losing herself in her partner was the only way to banish them. Not exactly the healthiest coping mechanism, but Aloy had never exactly had many of those anyway.

Unfortunately, Nil experienced a couple more night terrors over the next several days. But now that she knew why and how to handle them, Aloy managed to help calm him down each time, and as a result an episode never lasted more than fifteen minutes. 

"Am I doing okay with this?" she asked him softly one night, while she smoothed a few errant locks of his hair down. "Is there anything else you need?"

"You're doing great, little huntress," Nil replied, shutting his eyes and arching into her touch with a satisfied noise, much the way a cat would.

"I just..." Aloy hesitated, unsure if she should say what was on her mind. But with such a serious matter as this, she figured it was best to be open and honest about what she was feeling. "I'm worried that I'm making things worse. You didn't have a single nightmare until the other night and now..."

"These things tend to come in bursts, sweetheart," he murmured, burying his face into her chest. "Please trust me when I say your presence has only helped me. I'd be a lot worse off without you around."

Nil hadn't lied to her yet, so Aloy shoved the remaining doubt churning in her gut as far down as she could. It was her responsibility to handle her own insecurities, not his.

Virginia continued on, their path winding through the mountainous terrain of the western reaches of the state. For as long as the trek through Virginia was, Shenandoah National Park, the last major park in the state and one of the more beautiful ones along the AT, came upon them faster than Aloy would have anticipated. 

One morning, just after her and Nil had packed up camp and gotten underway, she was startled out of her usual hiking zone out by two people cresting over a hill ahead and barreling directly down towards them. Beside her, Nil tensed up until he looked like he could snap in two. Aloy could practically feel the anxiety coming off of him, so she placed a firm hand on his arm.

"It's all right, Sahad," she said lowly, a spike of anger stabbing through her. "I think it's just a couple of glonks. Inconsiderate, but I don't think they mean us any harm."

"Okay," he replied in a strained tone. His breathing was labored and his eyes had gone wide, but he was managing to maintain control over himself. For the moment.

Aloy, however, had far less patience, and she stomped forward in front of Nil.

"Hey, you two!" she bellowed, leaning forward and gesturing wide with her arms. "Slow the hell down! Other people are hiking here, you know!"

The other two people immediately skidded to a halt several yards away from them. One of them, a girl maybe a few years younger than Aloy, stepped forward and waved an arm.

"Oh my gosh, we're so sorry!" Her voice was soft and high pitched, and Aloy felt some of her irritation subside at the panic written all over the other hiker's face.

It was Nil, however, who pushed past Aloy to ask, "What's going on here?"

"Me and my boyfriend were actually heading the same way you were," the young woman gasped, bending to clutch at her knees while she regained her breath. Said boyfriend came to her side then, frowning warily at Aloy and Nil. "But then I realized I had lost a bracelet my dad had given to me, and it's really important, so we were backtracking, and I guess I kind of freaked out. I'm really, really sorry, we didn't mean to startle you - "

"Hey, it's all right," Aloy said, holding up her hands and summoning what she hoped was a disarming smile. "I get it. No harm done."

"It's okay, 'Lida," her boyfriend murmured, bending over her and rubbing at her shoulder. "We'll find it."

Meanwhile, Nil was glancing between the couple, contemplation settling over his face. When he looked at Aloy with a question in his eyes, she gave a weary sigh and nodded.

"How about we help you look for it?" he asked kindly. "You'll probably have more luck with four people searching rather that just two."

"That would be awesome! Thank you so much!"

The girl's bright blue eyes were huge, shining with relief at the offer, and Aloy reluctantly admitted to herself that helping out was the right thing to do - even if it did end up costing them a few hours and miles.

"I'm Seeker, and this is Nil," she said, pointing at herself and then her partner. "You're...Lida?"

"Elida," she corrected, a shy smile pulling at her lips. Standing up fully, she curled her arm through her boyfriend's tattooed one and added, "And this is Atral."

Most of the apprehension had faded from Atral's face, and he gave a quick nod. "Nice to meet you. You guys are thru-hikers, then."

"That we are," Nil replied, an easy grin lighting up his face. "If you couldn't tell by the names, you could probably tell by the smell. Now, why don't you kids tell us where you last saw your bracelet?"

"We're not kids," Atral protested, straightening with a scowl. "We just graduated high school."

"Ah, I see. My mistake." Humor glinted in Nil's eyes, but he held his tongue, much to Aloy's relief. 

"It was actually somewhere around here," Elida said, glancing around with a deep frown. "That's the last time I can remember having it on me, at least. We only hiked another half mile before I noticed I wasn't wearing it anymore."

With a thoughtful hum, Nil shrugged his pack off and crouched down to dig through it. "If it's metal, a flashlight will be useful. If you have one in those bags of yours, I'd get it out."

"We do!" Elida piped up, slinging her backpack around to her chest and unzipping it. "It would be pretty dumb not to when we're out backpacking."

"So are you two are doing the whole weekend warrior thing, then?" Aloy asked while she worked on fishing her own flashlight out.

"Yeah, we are," Atral chimed in. "Post-graduation and all that. Plus our parents...uh...don't exactly approve of our relationship, so it was an easy choice to get away from them."

"Atral," Elida reprimanded, a fierce glare hardening her pretty features. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that out here."

"Sorry, babe," he said with a sheepish grin. "You know my mouth runs away from me a lot."

She huffed indignantly, but her lips curved up the slightest bit when she bumped her hip into his. Aloy couldn't keep from grinning herself. "Yeah, yeah. You're lucky I love you as much as I do." 

"You two are adorable," Aloy remarked before she could stop herself.

"Thank you. You guys are too." A delicate blush dusted Elida's cheeks before she hastily added, "I mean, if you are a couple. I wouldn't want to presume."

Time ground down to a halt as soon as the words registered with Aloy, and she stared at the younger woman for several heartbeats before her gaze instinctively searched out Nil. She knew her own blush was lighting up her cheeks, but for all of her trepidation, the only thing she found on Nil's face when she looked down at him was the softest of smiles soaked in encouragement. Their relationship had remained nebulous until this point, existing in a no man's land that neither had dared to define. But if the events of the past several days had done anything, it had been to solidify Aloy's feelings for her hiking partner. And wonder of all wonders, if his expression was anything to go by, it seemed as though those feelings were actually returned. So, with her heart trying to force its way through her chest, Aloy turned her head back towards Elida.

"Yeah, um. We are." The words were as quiet and unsure as a new spring day, but only grew stronger as she continued. "We met a couple of months ago on the trail, actually. Nil here warned me about a bear, and we kept running into each other after that. When my pack and some of my gear got destroyed, we started traveling together, and...I guess somewhere along the line, we became a couple. And, well, the rest is history, I suppose."

Elida gasped, clasping her hands to her chest. "Oh my gosh, that's so cute! It's like a fairytale!"

Atral gave a hearty chuckle, throwing his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and looking down at her fondly. "Geez, 'Lida, you're hopeless."

Elida puffed up indignantly, but Aloy's eyes had already drifted back to Nil. His eyes were glassy with emotion, and her heart skipped a beat at the jubilant smile he was sending her way - more genuine and wider than she had yet seen from him. If they hadn't been around other people, she would've thrown herself into his arms right then. 

_Later_ , Nil's eyes seemed to promise her, before he gave her a slight nod and went back to rifling through his gear.

"Ah! Here we are." Nil produced his heavy-duty maglite with a flourish. "Why don't we split up? I'll go with Atral here, and Aloy can poke around with Elida. We'll look around here, and you two head up the trail a little further."

The younger man side-eyed Nil with a very obvious grimace but stepped to his side anyway. With flashlights in hand, Aloy and Elida wandered up the trail, stopping about a quarter mile ahead. 

The women searched in silence for several minutes, meandering along the edges of the trail and shining their lights into the thick undergrowth, to no avail. It was Aloy who broke the quiet first, her curiosity once again growing too strong to ignore.

"Family problems, huh?" she asked sympathetically, keeping her eyes trained attentively on the ground.

"Yeah," Elida responded softly, blowing out a breath. "It's mostly my dad. He's kind of overprotective, and I don't think he's accepted the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore. Atral and I have been dating in secret for a couple of years now, and when I broke the news to him a few weeks ago, it wasn't pretty."

"I know how that is," Aloy said with a short laugh. "Well, the issues with my dad part. He didn't even know I was going to be leaving for a thru-hike. I had to sneak out in the middle of the night and everything."

"Woah," Elida breathed, and when Aloy glanced over at her, the younger girl was staring at her in awe. "That's so cool. I wish I could be more like you."

Blinking hard, Aloy returned her gaze to the bed of leaves beneath her. "I...you don't want to be like me, Elida."

"Why not?" she asked, puzzled. "You seem to know what you want out of life and how to stand up for yourself. I'd kill for that kind of courage."

"I ran away from my problems," Aloy said quietly, the words as much as an explanation to Elida as they were an admission to herself. "And I'm starting to realize that maybe that wasn't the wisest choice."

Elida lapsed into silence for a few moments. When she spoke again, it was with a great deal of sheepishness. "I guess I should sit down and try to talk to my dad about this, huh?"

"Yeah, you really should," Aloy agreed, sending an encouraging smile her way. "From what you said, it seems like he really loves you. I think if you really explained yourself and what Atral means to you, he'd probably understand. And even if he doesn't, you can at least say you tried, and he knows where you stand."

Unexpected tears threatened to blur her sight, but she determinedly blinked them back. It was then that her flashlight caught on something sparkling beneath the broad leaves of a mayapple, and her turmoil was forgotten in an instant.

"Elida, I think I found something over here!"

Rushing over to the spot where Aloy was shining her flashlight, Elida crouched down and gave an excited cry. She picked the jewelry up off the ground and clutched it to her chest like it was the most precious item in the world, the relief on her face nearly palpable.

"Thank you so much, Seeker," she said with a sniff and watery eyes. "This bracelet was my mom's, and my dad gave it to me after she passed away a few years ago. I can't explain to you how much this means to me."

"Hey, I get it," Aloy replied as they began to head back in the direction of their boyfriends - and even thinking of Nil that way had her fighting a silly, giddy smile. "I'm really glad we were able to find it."

When they got closer to Nil and Atral, Elida called out excitedly and ran ahead, holding the bracelet out. Atral flashed an enormous grin at her and, circling his arms around her willowy waist when she jumped at him, spun her around once with a delighted laugh. 

"Glad that's done with," Nil remarked when Aloy reached his side and the other couple chattered happily with each other. Impatience of all things nipped at the edges of his words, so unlike him that she did a double-take. 

"Hey, did you guys want to hike the rest of the trail with us?" Elida asked when she finally managed to separate herself from Atral. So much excitement had overtaken her expression that mild guilt needled at Aloy when she shook her head.

"Nah, I think this is actually a good spot for us to take a break," she said, her gaze flitting to Nil. "Thanks for the offer, though."

A second later, Elida threw her arms around Aloy. She could only blink in mute shock, her body taking several seconds to catch up with her brain to awkwardly pat at the other young woman's back. 

"I'm so glad we met you two," Elida gushed when she drew away. 

"Just remember what I said about talking to your dad, yeah?" Aloy's words were stern, but the wide smile on her face belied them.

"I will." With one last pretty grin, Elida grasped Atral's hand in her own and began to head in the direction from which they came. 

"Thanks again for everything, Seeker and Nil!" she called out, to which the pair gave a final wave while they watched Atral and Elida gradually be consumed by the trees.

Aloy had barely any time to think before Nil turned and slammed into her, raining frantic kisses down on her face while he backed her up into a tree trunk. When his lips found hers, she sighed against him, reaching up to push off his hat and wind her fingers through his hair.

"I wanted to leave this decision up to you," he gasped out in between kisses, clutching her face between his hands. "But Aloy, you have to know how happy you've made me these last two months. I didn't think I deserved you to begin with, and I sure as hell don't know what I did to have you as my girlfriend. But I'm not going to give you cause to regret any of this. I promise."

His words settled and swelled in her chest until it was fit to burst from them, so Aloy slanted her mouth over his again, and then again, until she was so worked up and dizzy with euphoria she had to slump against Nil panting.

"You know, I've often wondered something," she murmured, still occasionally pressing kisses into the crook of his neck - one of the parts of him she could easily reach.

"Yes, little Seeker?"

"That day you found me by the side of the trail...were you pink blazing for me?"

"Mm, maybe a little." The smirk on Nil's face was coy as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I did indeed take a couple of rest days to up my chances of running into you. You intrigued me from the start, and after the night you camped with me, all I could think about how much I wanted to see you again."

"Hah, I knew it." Aloy said smugly, lifting her chin. But that smugness faded while she took a moment to study the man who had come quite literally out of nowhere and stolen her heart. "But you know what? I'm really, really glad you did."

"Me too, little huntress." Not once in her life had Aloy witnessed so much affection directed entirely at her. So she took the feeling it inspired, along with the look in his eyes, and stored them away jealously deep within her heart, so that even when it all ended, she'd be able to find this moment again and cherish it forever. "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff to make up for last week's angst! Getting a little closer...and yet Aloy is still being dense. 😑
> 
> See yinz next week!


	13. Black Blazer

**Black Blazer** – Someone, usually a disgruntled townie, who paints over or otherwise removes trail markers and blazes to prevent hikers from finding the trail.

\--

_June 25th - July 5th, 2010_

Finally, the couple arrived in Harper's Ferry, WV, and the long ordeal that was hiking through Virginia came to an end. As beautiful and as rich with history as it was, Nil and Aloy only stuck around town for a single night, reserving a room in a budget motel at Aloy's insistence. They had already lost a couple of days, and she was eager to make them up by cutting town stays short. Nil had only grumbled for a bit at the substandard accomodations, quickly discarding his reluctance when Aloy tackled him to the squeaky bed. 

The AT through West Virginia and Maryland barely accounted for thirty miles of the trail, give or take. With the Pennsylvania state line a mere couple days' journey away, Aloy found herself wondering more and more about Nil's hometown, and by extension, the past he had only shared bits and pieces of reluctantly. She knew that she shouldn't press, but she was also naturally interested in learning all she could about the man who was now her boyfriend. It took her a full day and a half after leaving Harper's Ferry to broach the subject with him, and she endeavored to do so with as much care as she possibly could.

"So..." Aloy began just after lunch, while she tied a fresh bandana around her head. "Excited to be this close to home?"

Nil snorted, sending her a skeptical look. "Would you be?"

"Well, no." Hesitation had her drawing out her words, but she pushed on. "I guess that was kind of a stupid question, with your dad and all. Not that you need to talk about that, or anything."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "You don't need to walk on eggshells around me, Aloy. I get that you're curious, and I also understand I should be more forthcoming with you now than I have been."

"Like I said, you don't have to - "

"You're my girlfriend, and you deserve to know these things," Nil said bluntly, and Aloy briefly wondered if the rush she got from him using that word in reference to her would ever fade. "The truth is, I don't care either way. I made peace with what happened with my old man years ago."

"I guess I just wanted to know what your childhood was like," she said, glancing over at him. "You've never really talked about it."

"It wasn't so bad," Nil said with a rueful smile. "I was a weird, lonely kid with way too much to say, though." 

Aloy laughed softly. "I can believe that."

"There's not much to do in this part of Pennsylvania. Stupidly easy for boredom to set in and to find ways to get into trouble, but my dad was really big about raising me with structure, especially after my mom passed away when I was ten." Wistfulness had taken over his expression. "'Always do the right thing, especially when no one's watching' was something I heard constantly. Even if we don't talk anymore, I still live by that."

"I think he'd be proud of you," Aloy said, bumping her shoulder into his as they walked. "You didn't turn out so bad."

"He wasn't very proud of me the day I left for boot camp." The silver of Nil's eyes had darkened into a stormy grey. "He thought I was throwing my life away. And I hated him because, deep down, I knew he was right."

"Do you still? Hate him, I mean."

"No." He sighed, pulling off his trucker hat to card his hand through his hair roughly. "Not at all. And that's part of it. He's too good, too righteous, and it sounds stupid, but I'm afraid to face him."

"Afraid of an 'I told you so'?" Aloy's hand searched out his, and she gave it a squeeze when she found it.

"Something like that. But hey, you asked about my childhood, so let's talk more about that."

Nil was chewing at his lip much the same way she did when she was anxious, so Aloy acquiesced with a nod. It wouldn't do to push him too far, and she had already learned enough to satisfy her curiosity. A few more pieces of the puzzle that was Nil had been slotted into place, and with a start, she realized it was now close to being a recognizable picture.

"I already mentioned that my mom died when I was ten, and it wasn't a slow death. She found out she had breast cancer when I was seven, and it looked like she would be able to fight it for awhile." His tone was emotionless, as though he was reciting entries from an encyclopedia. "By the time I turned ten, it had spread throughout her entire body. She died a few months later, a week before Christmas."

"Sahad," Aloy whispered, her chest constricting in sympathy for him. It only took her another heartbeat for her to confess, "You know, I lost my parents too, but I was only a baby, so I don't remember them. I've only ever known Rost as a parent figure. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you."

"Don't be sorry for me, little Seeker," Nil said gently, some emotion finally creeping back into his voice. "It's been a long time, and I have a lot of good memories of her. She was a lot like you, actually - strong-willed and opinionated but still one of the kindest people I've ever known. I like to think you two would've gotten along."

"I think I would've liked to meet her," Aloy replied, giving him a small smile.

"After she died, I acted out a lot. One of my dad's friends had a horse farm, so he sent me there to get out of the house and focus on something else for awhile." Nil grinned fondly. "Surprisingly, it actually worked. I liked caring for the horses, and I was even allowed to take riding lessons once I mucked out enough stalls."

"Do you still ride?" Her interest piqued, Aloy leaned in closer. "It's something I've always wanted to learn but never had a chance to."

"I do. Trail-riding mostly, which should come as no surprise. My girl, Voice of Our Teeth, is a blue roan Tennessee Walking Horse and is as pretty and as sure-footed as they come." His smile faltered. "That's one thing I regret about doing a thru-hike, actually. Teeth is still being boarded out in California, and although I paid good money to have her well taken care of and exercised, I miss her like crazy. I've had that horse since I was 17, and this is the longest I've gone without seeing her. After this, I'm going to have her moved out to Pennsylvania. Well, that's if..."

He trailed off, blinking in surprise at seemingly his own words, shaking his head before glancing back over at Aloy with an inscrutable look on his face. "Regardless, I think you should take the leap and try out some lessons. I think you'd like it, little huntress."

"Maybe you can teach me?" The question left her before Aloy had a chance to consider the implications of it, but rather than rejecting the idea outright as she would've expected, Nil laughed and wrapped his arm around her to drag her close while they walked.

"I'd like that. And you know, I don't like to boast, but I'd say I'm a pretty good teacher."

"I think you've got the patience for it, at least," Aloy mused, mentally kicking away the hope that dogged her at his reply. 

"And you're the picture of a dedication and determination." Curving himself around her, Nil smacked a loud kiss on Aloy's nose, which she promptly scrunched up at him. "It's why we're such a good pair."

The mirth crinkling the corners of his eyes gradually faded away after that, however, giving way to an uneasy apprehension. Unwinding his arm from around her, he instead gripped the shoulder straps of his pack, staring down at his boots contemplatively.

"I did want to make a request for once we got to Boiling Springs, though. If it's not too much trouble."

Ignoring the anxiety digging its claws into her, Aloy asked casually, "Sure. What's up?"

"I had a couple of...old friends coming into town specifically to meet up with me and check in with how I'm doing. You know, to make sure I haven't done myself in yet." Nil's tone was dry. "One of my Marine buddies and my former CO and his wife, to be more specific. If we could hang around town for an extra day, I'd really appreciate it. Plus, I'm sure they'd be interested in meeting you." 

He paused, pursing his lips together. "You don't have to if you're not comfortable with it, though. You could go on ahead, and I could always catch up with you later."

"I think we can do that," Aloy said, managing a smile despite the nervousness that suddenly overcame her. Nil had never mentioned anyone currently involved in his life, although it was clear that he believed their concern to be out of obligation more than anything else. Still, these were people who were important to him. People whose opinions were also probably important to him. 

Yet again, this was new ground Aloy was entirely unfamiliar with. Meeting a significant other's loved ones was a big deal, even if what her and Nil had was just a casual arrangement. What if she didn't stack up? What if they didn't approve of her, didn't think she was enough in light of the complexity of his mental health? There were so many ways she could mess this up, and they all began to cycle through her brain in a nauseatingly terrifying montage. On second thought, maybe it would be best if she did go on ahead -

"Hey, little Seeker, what's going on in that head of yours?" When Aloy snapped out of her whirling thoughts, she realized her mouth was hanging open, and she had been staring off into space. Coughing out an awkward laugh, she looked back over at Nil.

"Oh, um, nothing much." The grin she gave was strained, and her partner leveled her with a skeptical look. 

"Uh huh."

"No, really!" Aloy protested, and her mind grabbed on to the first excuse it could find. "I'm just, uh, really tired. Thinking about how I could use a couple days' rest."

She could tell that Nil didn't believe her in the slightest, but thankfully, he let the matter drop. The aspect of his personality Aloy probably loved most was his uncanny ability of knowing whether or not to push her on an issue, and it made their constant closeness that much easier to tolerate. 

"A couple days' rest, hm?" He gave her a sly sideways glance. "And how much of that are you planning on spending in bed with me?"

Of course, his changing the subject usually involved teasing of some kind, and Aloy's cheeks predictably heated.

"You shouldn't be so full of yourself," she muttered.

Nil suddenly came to a screeching halt, leaving Aloy to walk forward a few more paces before she realized he was no longer beside her. Puzzled, she turned around, worried that she had somehow offended him. But her hiking partner's eyes were wide and frantic as they darted from tree to tree as if searching for something, and she knew it wasn't because of her.

"Nil?" she called, concerned. Trotting back to his side, she laid a careful hand on his bicep. "Are you doing all right? Do we need to stop for a bit?"

"Aloy, when was the last time you saw a trail marker?"

Icy tendrils of anxiety slithered down her spine. "I...I don't remember. Maybe this morning."

Spitting out a curse, Nil stalked over to a nearby tree trunk, reaching up to run his fingers over the bark. His lips curled into a sneer.

"It appears that someone has been painting over the blazes. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but there's no telling which trail we're on anymore because several have been painted over. This is likely a defunct trail."

Aloy's mouth went dry. "Black blazing...Talanah mentioned that happened to her and Amadis back in North Carolina."

Ripping his pack from his back, Nil stooped down and began to rifle through it furiously. "I don't know what kind of sick fuck thought this was funny, but we're probably miles off the actual AT now."

Paranoia washed over Aloy in sickly, greasy waves. "Who would do something like this? Do you think it was meant specifically for us?"

Nil clenched his teeth. "I don't know. All sorts of assholes like to fuck with thru-hikers, and we may have just happened to be unlucky enough to come by at the wrong time. I don't have a great feeling about this one, though."

Drawing in a breath, Aloy wrapped her arms around herself tight for a moment and willed herself to focus. "So, what's the plan then?"

Straightening, Nil handed her something bright yellow and surprisingly heavy. "How's your orienteering?"

Comprehension set in when Aloy realized it was a heavy duty compass. "I'm no master at it, but it's adequate enough to get me to where I need to go, I guess." 

"You sound so sure," Nil said dryly, shrugging his pack back on. "Well, you're lucky that it was considered a vital skill in the Marines because getting lost in a war zone practically guarantees capture or death. As long as you're capable of reading that compass, I should be able to guide us back to the trail. It's not like we stepped off into the brush anyway, so it's more of a safeguard so that we don't accidentally go in the wrong direction again. When we start down a new trail, make note of the direction. If we don't hit the AT again after a couple of miles, we'll turn back the way we came and try again."

"Aye aye, captain," Aloy muttered under her breath, and she just barely caught Nil's amused grin as they began to backtrack.

"Do you think we should split up?" Aloy asked after awhile. "It might help us cover more ground faster. We could check out more trails."

"No," came Nil's sharp reply. "That is exactly what we don't want to do right now. It could end in one of us getting lost all over again, or worse. We're sticking together no matter what happens."

For some strange reason, a chill crept up the back of Aloy's neck, making the hairs there prickle and stand up. As nonsensical as it was, something in her gut wailed that they were being watched, that she should flee the area, and instinct had her huddling closer to her partner. But when she scanned the treeline, there was nothing to be found beyond the normal foliage and lazy afternoon light drifting in through the gaps in the trees. 

Somehow they had managed to get more than five miles off of the Appalachian Trail, and it took the rest of the remaining daylight hours for them to make the trek to the split where they had unintentionally veered off. It was easy to see why the pair had gotten lost - this part of the trail was like a natural labyrinth, having several offshoots at different points including many defunct thruways. That uneasy feeling she had first felt when they realized they were lost hovered around Aloy like a faint miasma until they merged back on to the AT. Even then, it took awhile to dissipate completely, as though someone soaked in cheap perfume were strolling away from her leisurely and leaving a choking scent trail.

The day had been entirely lost, and Nil's mood was sour while they set up camp. Aloy was perplexed - normally, he would have taken such a minor setback in stride. Entire days had been lost due to storms or washed out trails, and his temper had always remained jovial and good-natured. Tonight, however, he huffed and snapped and slammed down their dishware with more force than necessary. Aloy said little, preferring instead to give him the space to work out whatever was eating at him. 

It wasn't until they had settled into their tent for the evening that Nil seemed to calm down. There was no poetry reading that night; instead, he immediately took her into his arms, closing the space between them with a crushing kiss. Aloy acquiesced instantly, eager to work out some of her own leftover tension. 

He wasn't gentle with her. Blunted nails scraped at her sides, bared teeth bit at every scrap of exposed skin they could find, and by the time Nil pushed her down on to her hands and knees and lined himself up, Aloy was pushing right back, spearing herself on his waiting cock all at once. He fucked her roughly and without mercy, his hands always wandering, always finding some new sensitive spot to tease and torment, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Neither of them lasted very long, but the force and duration of their combined release was enough to grind down all the prickly edges that had chafed at them.

Nil was all easy softness when he wrapped himself around her in the aftermath, planting kisses along the marks he had left along her neck and shoulders. Still cautious, Aloy took a couple of minutes before breaking the silence.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah." Another kiss, this one lingering on her temple. "I'm - "

"You don't need to apologize," she said, cutting him off with a cheeky grin. "I get it. Today was stressful, and I think we both needed that."

"You're too good to me, little huntress," Nil murmured, bending to brush his nose over hers in a silly gesture than got a laugh out of her. "Thank you."

"Of course."

"Are we still okay to stop in Boiling Springs for a couple of days?" Aloy couldn't see his face, but the anxiety rolling off of her boyfriend was palpable. "I know we lost a day, and if we need to, I can let them know to stay home."

Aloy titled her head. "We're still doing great on time, you know that. It shouldn't be a problem at all." Realization hit her, and she turned to face him, propping herself up on an elbow. "You're nervous."

A rare blush was visible on his cheeks despite the scant light. "Well, you didn't need to put it so bluntly."

She brushed her fingers over that warm cheek, still slightly damp with sweat. "It's going to be okay, Sahad. And I'll be there with you the entire time, if that helps."

"It does," he said, the preternatural glow his pale eyes tended to take on in low light even more intense than usual. "Careful, Aloy. I'm really getting used to having you around like this."

The flashlight clicked off, and Nil pulled her back to him. Only when his breathing evened out into the slow cadence of sleep did Aloy reply in the softest of whispers, "Me too."


	14. Town Food

**Town Food** – Anything to eat you wouldn’t pack out with you e.g. fruit, salad, onion rings, pizza, ice cream, etc. Also, food from a restaurant.

\--

_July 12th - July 13th, 2010_

Aloy's eyes followed Nil as he jittered around the room like a trapped moth. It had become clear that, while he cared for the people they were about to meet with very much, something about dealing with anything related to his past set his teeth on edge. She couldn't blame him one bit - at least he had worked up the gall to face his demons, unlike her. The only thing she could do in this moment was stand and throw her arms out at him when he passed by her for about the hundredth time, catching him at the waist and pulling him to her.

"Relax," she said, a note of command piercing the soothing notes in her voice. "They're only people."

"Awfully funny to hear that coming from you, Ms. Avoidant," Nil sniped back, but he did droop in her hold somewhat when Aloy raised a challenging brow. "Are you about ready to go?"

"I've been ready to go for the past twenty minutes, which you've spent pacing." Stretching up on her toes, she leveled him with a firm look and then gave him an even firmer kiss. "You can hold on to my hand, but try not to squeeze too hard. I'd like to still be able to use it after tonight."

"I don't think that will be necessary," Nil replied dryly. "I'm not a child."

She let him go with a disbelieving snort. They headed out of their cheap hotel room, down to the lobby, and out on to the streets of Boiling Springs, PA towards a well-reviewed greasy spoon style diner that had guaranteed to put a little meat on their bones before they began hiking again.

On the way, Nil gripped on to Aloy's hand anyway.

Dealing with Nil's apprehension had subdued some of her own nervousness, but it was still very much present in the forefront of her brain. It would be easy to entertain the idea that at least some of his anxiety stemmed from his worries over his Marine buddies not accepting her presence here, but Aloy rightfully shoved that aside as irrational and, quite frankly, self-absorbed. It would be simple enough to explain the casual nature of their relationship, although the idea of doing that had her gut rolling.

The diner was a clash of bright colors and even brighter lights that bounced off of the many reflective surfaces within. Despite it being the middle of a weekday, the restaurant was bustling, the clinking rattle of ceramic dishware and the incomprehensible babble of many voices stuffing the space full. A flurry of motion and noise caught Aloy's eye, and Nil's too, because they both turned towards a nearby booth where three people sat. One of them, a very attractive woman with a rich, deep brown complexion, was waving vigorously in their direction and calling out. 

"Sahad! Sahad, over here! Oh my, who's this pretty little thing with the _delightful_ freckles?"

The older man sitting beside her with a salt and pepper beard and hair to match groaned and put his face in his hands, mumbling out something unintelligible.

Before Nil could respond, the third person, short and stocky with cropped brown hair, slid out of the booth and sidled up to them with a hardened expression.

"Janeva," Nil said. His voice was nonchalant, disinterested, even - but the glimmer of emotion in his eyes told a different story.

"Thought you might cancel on us," Janeva drawled, giving him a quick punch in the bicep. By now, the woman had joined them and was looking at Aloy with so much naked interest that she couldn't help squirming uncomfortably. "Who's this?"

"This is Aloy," he said, a note of emotion creeping back into her name. "My girlfriend."

Not giving a chance for either of the people in front of them to respond, Nil wrapped an arm around her waist, as if to ward off any challenge to his claim. Heat bloomed in the tips of Aloy's ears. She had to fight against the enormous grin threatening to burst on her face, settling instead for a tiny smile.

"Nice to meet you both," she said, pleased when her voice came out clear and confident.

Janeva only looked Aloy over with a troubled frown. The woman, on the other hand, gasped in a distinctly dramatic way and clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle a squeal of delight.

"How adorable!" She then pursed her plush lips and leveled him with a mock glare. "Now, don't be rude. Introduce us."

"Janeva here was one of my," - Nil hesitated here, seeming uncertain - " _friends_ from boot camp. They ended up being assigned to the same battalion as me upon graduation. And this is Vanasha, my former commanding officer's - that's Uthid, the old man still sitting in the booth - wife."

"We go much further back than Sahad is giving us credit for," Vanasha sniffed. Looping a sinewy arm through Aloy's, she pulled her away from her boyfriend with a sly grin. "Let's stop standing around like this though, hm? Aloy, you can sit next to me."

The helpless look Aloy threw at Nil was met only with a shrug and a curl of his lips. Grumbling under her breath, she allowed Vanasha to lead her to the booth, easing in next to her. Uthid stared at her from across the long table balefully, and she gave him a polite nod.

"Hello. I'm - "

"Uthid, my dear!" Vanasha butted in, leaning over the table as though she was imparting the juciest of gossip. "This is Aloy. Sahad's _girlfriend_."

"Charmed," Uthid muttered, moodily swirling the black coffee in his mug around with a mixing stick. "I'd like to apologize in advance and for anything my wife has already done."

"Don't be like that, Uthid," Vanasha purred, sending him a salacious wink. "You know how much beautiful women excite me."

"I - uh - " Aloy knew her face was steaming by now, so she ducked her head and slid down in the booth as far as she could go.

Thankfully, Nil and Janeva had been right behind them, and Nil slid into the booth next to Vanasha while Janeva climbed in next to Uthid. It cut off any further conversation about Aloy's appearance, and she breathed an inaudible sigh of relief.

Her peace didn't last long.

"So, do you mind telling me what your grand plan here is, Sahad?" Janeva asked tersely. Nil looked caught off guard, but he recovered quickly, his face smoothing over until it was mask-like.

"How like you to go in for the kill immediately," he replied acidly. "You can save me the lecture."

"Don't start with that deflecting bullshit." Janeva's eyes flashed dangerously, and Aloy sank deeper into her seat. "You decided to do this whole Appalachian Trail thing totally alone and against medical advice, not telling any of us until you were already in Georgia."

"Because you'd try to stop me."

"Because you needed to be stopped!"

"Excuse me? Against medical advice?"

Aloy's throat had closed up, and even though everyone at the table had turned to look her way, her gaze was fixed on her boyfriend alone. He at least had the decency to look sheepish, pulling his hat off his head and mussing at his hair before replacing it.

"Ah, I'm sorry, little huntress," he said softly. "I was going to tell you. I wasn't exactly deemed medically fit to go off on my own for six months."

Janeva tightened their jaw. "And that's another thing we need to talk about. This plaything you're toting around - "

"Don't you dare," Nil interjected, deathly calm, "complete that sentence. You've been my friend for a long time, Janeva, but I won't tolerate you insulting Aloy. Her and I are perfectly capable of walking out that front door right now."

"Well, all right!" Vanasha clapped her hands briskly. "I think we'll give you three some time to catch up while Aloy and I get some fresh air. How does that sound?"

Before she could answer, Nil was standing up and gesturing for them to scoot out of the booth themselves. When Aloy stood in front of him, she was quickly engulfed in one of his hugs that always managed to center her no matter how off-kilter she was feeling.

"It'll be okay, sweetheart," he murmured against her ear. "Know that I'm sorry, and we'll talk about this later."

"We'd better," Aloy muttered back. Much of her ire was soothed away by the tender smile he gifted her with.

Once they were outside, Vanasha heaved a loud sigh and leaned up against the brick facade of the building. All of the bubbly, carefree attitude she had exuded in the diner had dissipated, leaving her looking exhausted and vexed.

"God, they're a handful," she groaned, folding her arms over her chest. "Sorry you got caught in the crossfire."

"Eh, it's all right," Aloy said with a shrug. It was easier to think in the open air, and she felt a wave of gratitude towards the other woman. "I kind of expected it, with the way Nil - I mean, Sahad - was acting leading up to this."

"Nil?"

"Oh, it's his trail name," she explained. "Like a code name, or a special nickname that you sign hiker logbooks with. Mine is Seeker."

"Nil," Vanasha said, testing it out on her teeth and tongue with a frown. "Nothing. Man, he's worse off than I thought."

"He was when we met." Aloy crouched down on the sidewalk next to her, staring at a tuft of grass worming its way through a crack in the concrete. "He's been doing better since we started traveling together more. I've been helping him with his nightmares."

"So you know about his medical history, huh?" Vanasha was staring down at her keenly when Aloy glanced up.

"Well, I know about the PTSD, if that's what you mean. He told me everything. Including what happened to cause it in the first place."

Vanasha laughed softly, shaking her head in disbelief. "You must be really important to that boy. I never thought I'd see the day."

"I guess." Aloy gnawed at the inside of her cheek anxiously. "I mean, this is only a trail thing, I think. It's not like it's that serious or anything." 

"Don't sell yourself short," Vanasha responded kindly. "Sahad doesn't open up on that level for just anyone. The only people who know that information beyond you and me and his doctors are all sitting at that table inside."

Vanasha's deep brown eyes drifted over to the window, where Aloy could just make out Nil leaning over the table and discussing something very intently with Uthid and Janeva.

"It's not easy, you know."

"What?"

"Sticking it out with someone as wounded as Sahad. It's a lot of sleepless nights and making accomodations and cancelling long-held plans because they had a bad day and can't go out."

"Like, I said, it's probably not that serious," Aloy said hurriedly. "We're probably going to go our separate ways at the end."

Vanasha continued as though she hadn't even heard her. "But if you can muscle through it, it's worth it for someone you love."

"Is it?" Aloy asked softly, hesitantly. She knew, in that moment, what her words implied, but she packed that knowledge away to be examined later when she was alone. Still, her heart beat through her as this new and brave revelation began to fill it like a long-empty glass.

"It is," Vanasha confirmed. "I have a good feeling about you, Aloy. I don't know you well, but part of my job is reading people, and you seem like you have just enough grit to get through anything you put your mind to. I think you two are going to be okay."

Vanasha lifted herself off the wall, heading towards the entrance again. But before she reached the door, she stopped and angled her head over her shoulder, halting Aloy with those large, expressive eyes.

"Just remember to take care of and advocate for yourself, okay? Communication is a two-way street, and if you need to ever back away, he'll understand. Don't bottle something up because you're afraid of how he'll react. Despite everything he's been through, Sahad is a good man deep down. He'll listen to whatever you have to say."

When they came to the booth again, the atmosphere had calmed tremendously. Nil actually looked comfortable for the first time that day, and the secret grin he gave her was enough to drop her guard down most of the way. A glass of soda popped merrily in front of where Aloy had been sitting. Curious, she bent down to take a sip. Deliciously syrupy, artificial fruit flavoring burst over her tastebuds - fountain cherry soda, her favorite. She leveled Nil with an appreciative look.

"I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you," Nil said with a quick wink. "I think I've figured out what you like best now."

"What a gentleman," Vanasha gushed, sliding back into her over-the-top persona like a tailored sweater. "I'm glad you've been listening to me about that, Sahad."

Lunch went surprisingly well after that point. Even Janeva warmed to Aloy when she began discussing her exercise regimen, especially the mild amount of body-building she had done in preparation for her thru-hike. The Marine offered their own tips for when she got back home, and Aloy stored them away for much, _much_ later. It would probably be awhile before she felt like exercising regularly again after finishing the AT.

Uthid was gruff and grouchy, but he was kind in that same distant way Rost was. Vanasha seemed to have a brightening effect on him, however, and Aloy caught some of the small smiles he let out when his wife said something particularly cheeky. When it came time for the bill to be paid, Uthid snatched it off the table and away from Nil with a surprising amount of speed for a man that had moved very little all afternoon.

"Come on, old man," Nil complained. "It's my turn to pay."

"It's my duty as your former CO to take care of this, son," Uthid said gravely, pulling out a credit card and pressing it into the receipt with a finality that was not to be argued. 

Ever the soldier, Nil predictably wilted, grumbling out a reluctant, "Yes, sir."

Once the waitress had taken care of their bill (and received a hearty tip from Nil for her trouble), the group shuffled out of their booth and into the oppressive summer heat that characterized mid-July in southern Pennsylvania. The raspy sound of a throat clearing had Aloy turning to see a very uncomfortable Janeva shifting on the balls of their feet beside her.

"Hey, could I talk to you for a sec? Privately."

"Yeah, sure," Aloy said, as casually as she could manage. She followed after them for a few feet, shoving her clammy palms deep into the pockets of her jeans.

Janeva stopped and turned so abruptly that Aloy had to put the brakes on immediately to avoid bumping into them.

"I'm not good at this kind of shit, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry about how I acted in there."

The words were a hasty jumble, and their face was tinged slightly with red. More than anything else, the sight of someone as tough as Janeva so nervous disarmed Aloy in an instant. She offered a shy smile.

"It's okay. I get why, and he's going to be hearing it from me too when we get back to the hotel room."

"He'd better," Janeva said with a short laugh. "You know, you're not that bad, Aloy. Definitely more than just a plaything, I see that now. Out of all the weird people Sahad could've picked up in the middle of the woods, you're probably one of the less horrible ones."

"Er, thanks?"

"Just do me a favor." Janeva leaned in close, their expression earnest and serious. "Take care of him out there. Sahad...he means a lot to me, okay? To all of us. He's been through a lot, and I can see in your eyes that you know what I mean. Things hit him harder than he lets on, and if you go out of your way to hurt him, you'll be hearing from me personally. Got it?"

Aloy could see how much they meant it, along with the implied threat thick in their words. "Yeah, I got it."

The sudden force of a broad hand clapping at her back had Aloy reeling and gasping in surprise, and Janeva was grinning widely when her eyes refocused and the stars had faded from them. 

"Well, let's get you back to the idiot so you too can get back to slobbering all over each other, or whatever other lovey-dovey couple shit you two get up to."

Nil raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Aloy when she made her way back to his side. She nodded and gave a quick thumbs up, and she could actually see the tension leave his body. They said they goodbyes, Vanasha smothering Aloy in an enormous hug that revealed just how strong the older woman really was. She received a firm handshake from Uthid and Janeva both, not to mention a rare smile from the former, and after a few more parting pleasantries, the couple made their way back to the motel.

Later that evening, after he had made love to her - whispering and kissing his gratitude into her skin - Nil was quieter than he usually was during their pillow talk sessions. Concerned, Aloy twisted around in his embrace.

"What's up?" 

For once, he didn't try to weasel his way out of answering. Instead, he was contemplative when he said, "I have a few things I need to take care of tomorrow."

"That's it? Well, what time did you want to wake up? I'd like to sleep in - "

"And you can, as long as you'd like. I'm going out alone."

Aloy frowned. "What? Why?"

"It's something important that I need to do alone," he said, not elaborating any more than that.

"Did...I do something wrong tonight?" 

"No, no, sweetheart. Of course not." Callused fingers smoothed her hair down soothingly, and his eyes were softer than usual. "Trust me when I say that it isn't anything bad. Quite the opposite, in fact. Okay?"

"...okay," Aloy replied reluctantly. Oddly, she found herself believing in his words - actually trusting that he was speaking the truth, even past her own self doubts and insecurities. The feeling was so overwhelming and new that she had to bury her face against Nil's chest for awhile to steady her breathing. That burgeoning realization she had had earlier during her talk with Vanasha creeped into the edges of her subconscious, but she pushed it back for now. She'd have a lot of time tomorrow to think on her own, and Aloy intended to use every second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friiiends! Okay, so obviously in canon, Nil knows Janeva. I thought it plausible that he could know Uthid as well, also considering how they are paired together in the final battle. And Vanasha is here because I love her and her dynamic with Uthid! FYI, it's never brought up, but Vanasha is a CIA agent - similar to her being a spy in game. 
> 
> Anyway, see yinz next week!


	15. MUDs

**MUDs** – Mindless Up and Downs. Where the trail goes up and back down several times for no reason other than the amusement of whoever laid out the trail.

-

_July 14th - August 15th, 2010_

When Aloy jolted out of sleep late the next morning, Nil was long gone. After nearly three months of traveling together and sleeping beside one another, waking without his body wrapped around hers was a strange and unwelcome experience.

 _And there are only three more months left of this before you go your separate ways,_ a voice in her head whispered.

Gritting her teeth, Aloy flung the down comforter off of her and hopped out of bed. There was no point in dwelling on what was inevitable, and as she got dressed, she resolved to actually enjoy a full day on her own. If anything, it would give her a solid chunk of time to think about her and Vanasha's conversation from yesterday without distraction. It was enough to occupy her for now, and the wheels in her head began turning the moment she stepped out of the hotel.

Boiling Springs was a sleepy little town with a gently flowing waterway dubbed Yellow Breeches Creek running parallel to it, and the trail that accompanied the stream was the perfect spot for Aloy to walk and think. Not many people were out and about on such an overcast day, and that was just fine with her. She finally allowed her to mind to latch on to the train of thought it had been begging her to explore since yesterday afternoon - the revelation she had had while speaking with Vanasha.

There was no use denying it anymore - Aloy was hopelessly in love with Nil. Despite their decidedly rocky start, she had been intrigued by him enough to keep talking to him, and it was becoming clear that had been both the best and worst decision of her life. His presence soothed her like nothing else, and she knew she had the same effect on him. The care he gave her was something she had always secretly longed for, but she hadn't quite realized how much she had craved it until now. He was kind, funny, sweet, weird in a way she could deal with - all of the right things people are supposed to look for in a significant other. 

"I love him," Aloy murmured under her breath, with only a few errant geese milling about at the water's edge as her witnesses. "I love Sahad."

Yes, everything about her boyfriend was ideal. The circumstances, however, most definitely were not.

What would it have been like, to meet him in a better place, at a better time? What if they had met while she was still in college and he in the military? Would her insecurities still dog her as much as they did now? For a single, indulgent moment, Aloy allowed herself to imagine how it might have been. Nil meeting her after class, engulfing her in one of his enormous hugs and throwing his arm around his shoulders while he led her to his car so they could get dinner. Him teaching her how to ride a horse, chuckling from atop Voice of Our Teeth at her throwing every last drop of her effort into it as she did with every skill. Nights spent together in real beds, kissing and laughing and talking together. Weekend hikes and hunting trips, not so different from what they were doing now, but with the security that at the end, they'd go home together.

Aloy didn't even realize that she was crying until a tear dripped wetly on to her hand.

Things had been so simple back when their relationship was only physical, and her feelings were nothing more than a girlish crush. That stage hadn't lasted long, but she wondered - not for the first time - if they should have stayed that way. Sure, saying goodbye at the end would still hurt, but in more of a 'farewell to a dear friend' rather than a 'letting someone you love deeply go' way. Maybe it would have been easier to guard her heart and maintain a level of emotional distance from him, but she also knew that would have likely been impossible. Aloy had never done anything half-heartedly, and love was no different. 

It occurred to her that, despite her all-or-nothing attitude, it wasn't too late to take an emotional step back. In fact, it was probably the best, most rational course of action, and the one she wouldn't have hesitated to make before he had entered her life. Even though he might be a little hurt, Nil would understand, because that was the kind of person he was. But just the thought of having to be careful with him - to keep herself from touching or cuddling him too much, or even talking too deeply with him - had a fresh round of tears burning her eyes. Tiredly, she wiped them away.

"When did I get so _emotional_?" Aloy muttered, kicking an unfortunate pebble into the stream.

She continued to wander aimlessly around town for the rest of the morning and deep into the afternoon as if in a trance, her brain churning with indecision the entire time. The sun had begun to drift down towards the verdant mountain peaks by the time she headed back towards the hotel, and she was still no closer to a decision than she had been that morning. Exhausted and beyond frustrated, Aloy jammed her key card into the lock, waited for its annoyingly chipper little beep, then shoved open the door - only to come face to face with the man who had been occupying her thoughts all day.

"Hey there, little huntress," Nil said, beaming at her from where he laid reclined on the bed. There was a peculiar sparkle in his eyes, a lightness to his words and expression that instantly put her at ease. "Why don't you come over here so I can show you how much I missed your company today?"

And just like that, all of Aloy's indecisiveness fled from her. It was replaced by a new kind of turmoil as she went to climb into bed next to him - the heavy knowledge of her feelings for him. They beat in her chest along with every thump of her heart, and ludicrously, she felt like she was hiding something from him. Certain that it was written all over her face, she buried it against his chest, breathing in the comfort of his familiar scent. 

"How was your day?" he asked, dropping his lips to the crown of her head. 

"It was, uh, fine." Aloy winced, then, in what she hoped was a casual way, added, "I just walked around town and explored a bit. Nothing exciting. How about you? What did you do?"

"I had a fantastic day," Nil replied brightly. "As for what I did, well. All I'll tell you is that I met up with Janeva, Uthid, and Vanasha again, and they helped me out with a few very important things."

Hearing the level of enthusiasm in his voice made Aloy happy for him, it truly did. But still, after the confusing, overwhelming, miserable day she had experienced, she couldn't help but feel a sense of rejection. Like an ugly beast, all of her insecurities welled up within her at once, until she couldn't help but bite out, "Good for you. I'm glad your time away from me was so great."

Nil stiffened underneath her, but Aloy was already wresting herself from his arms and slipping off the bed.

"Aloy, wait - "

"I'm going to go take a shower." She knew very well how childish and irrational she was being, but she couldn't bring herself to care at the moment. Everything in her throbbed with furious hurt, blinding her to any rational thought. Storming off in the direction of the bathroom, Aloy slammed the door shut behind her, then collapsed on to the cold tile floor with a quiet sob.

It only took a few more seconds for a hesitant knock to sound at the door.

"Sweetheart? May I come in?"

Aloy couldn't bring herself to speak, because she knew if she did, she might regret it. Nil seemed to interpret her silence as consent, because the door clicked, then gradually inched open.

There was more silence and then the muted swish of clothing as Nil settled down on the unyielding floor beside her without a word. He lifted a hand, then seemed to reconsider, leaving it hanging it mid-air.

"Is it okay if I touch you right now?"

A nod was all Aloy could manage.

Cautiously and deliberately, as though approaching an injured animal, Nil placed his hand on her shoulder. When she didn't react, he slid his arm around her. At his touch, something inside of her chest cracked, then shattered like glass.

A choked noise that might have been his name wrestled its way out of her throat, and the tears came too fast for her to stop this time. Nil immediately pulled her to him, into the warmth and comfort and safety Aloy had grown far more accustomed to than she ever should have, and it only made her cry harder. He didn't speak, didn't do anything beyond rub firm circles into her upper back. As adrift as she was, he was her constant, a rock to cling too against the stormy surge of emotions doing its damnest to drown her.

She cried until she had nothing left, and then cried a little more at the empty rawness left behind. It wasn't until her sobs quelled to the occasional gasp and sniffle that Nil spoke again.

"Take your time and talk to me when you're ready. Or don't, if that's what you need. I'm here for you either way."

"I" - Aloy swiped at her eyes to clear her vision - " I'm sorry."

"The last thing you need to be doing is apologizing," Nil said firmly. "This is what I'm here for, Aloy."

"I've never cried in front of anyone before," she whispered. 

"And I want you to know that you shouldn't ever be afraid to break down in front of me, all right? You're safe with me." When Aloy managed to gather enough strength to shift her gaze up to his face, Nil was more intent than she'd ever seen him. She found herself believing him wholly, and she entertained the idea that maybe it was okay to let herself be vulnerable with him. If he hadn't shied away from this outburst, maybe he wouldn't run screaming from the rest of the ugly parts of her. Maybe it was okay to let him in all of the way, to show him facets of her heart not even Teb or Rost had ever seen. For the first time in her life, she actually _wanted_ someone else to know her, warts and all. To be known meant, for her, to surrender, but it was sweetest kind she had ever experienced.

Aloy understood then that was no way she could separate herself from Nil at this point, unless she physically walked away from him.

"Thank you, Sahad," she said finally, brushing away the last of her tears. "I think I understand that now."

"About time," he muttered, but his tone was fond. "Now, do you mind telling me what that was all about?"

Letting someone in, while simple in theory, was difficult in practice. It took Aloy several tries to gather her courage, each time losing her nerve right as she opened her mouth to speak. If Nil was anything, however, it was patient, and he didn't push her. His courtesy and understanding were ultimately what gave her the last bit of strength she needed.

"This is so stupid and selfish, but it felt like you left me here because you didn't want to deal with things being awkward with your friends, and hanging out with them was easier without me. And I don't blame you, of course. You're allowed to go do things without me." The words came out in a rush, and they seemed to hang there in the air for a moment, crowding the small, ceramic room. The strangling claustrophobia of it all sent Aloy spiraling towards a panic, but as if he sensed it, Nil took that moment to hug her all the tighter.

"First of all," he started, his voice a low and soothing rumble in her ear, "you're not stupid or selfish. This is something that obviously bothers you, that I knew bothered you, and I should have been more sensitive to that fact and explained to you exactly what was happening so you could've let me know these things ahead of time. I'm sorry."

"God, don't apologize - "

"Second of all," he continued over her, "that's not why I went alone, sweetheart. Your introduction could have gone a little more smoothly, but that was on me. My friends actually like you. Like I said, I just had a few things I needed to do that were very personal and needed their help with, and I promise you that if all goes well, you'll find out what they were. Okay?"

"Okay," Aloy said softly.

Nil's chin rested on his head, and she heard him sigh. "You know, all I want for you is to be happy, whatever that means for you. You have no idea what you mean to me, little huntress. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, if that's where you decided to go."

Finally, she was able to manage a smile - her first all day. "I don't think it'll come to that."

"Who knows with you?" Nil replied wryly, dropping one final kiss on the top of her head before gently easing her off of him to stand. "You're in possession of just as much wanderlust as me, and that's no small thing. Given enough time, I think we could conquer every trail on earth together."

As Aloy took his hand and stared up into those gorgeous eyes that were only for her, she believed, for a moment, that they could too.

-

Days and weeks bled and melted together beneath the blistering summer sun. States and miles came and went, Nil and Aloy's feet dutifully carrying them through Pennsylvania, New York, Connecticut, and by the time they reached mid-August, Massachusetts. The hazy late summer weather imbued everything with a distinctly dream-like quality, which Aloy felt was appropriate. She had never known more happiness in her life, and it made a certain kind of sense that none of it felt real. Inexorably tied to her bliss, however, was fear. After all, every good thing must come to an end, and it kept her guard high. Something was bound to come along and ruin this fragile peace at some point, and even if it didn't, Katahdin loomed in the distance like an ever-present, invisible specter. 

Perhaps this unease was the reason why she hadn't been sleeping as well as she should, and why she was startled out of unconsciousness one mid-August night. At first, she thought it was because Nil had woken from another nightmare - only an occasional occurrance now - but when she looked over at him, he was still deep asleep at her side. 

And then she heard it: the violent rustling of foliage, right outside their tent. With as much time as Aloy had spent in the wilderness, she didn't startle easily, but something in her gut told her this was different. Alarm bells rang in her head, and as an enormous, pitch black shadow grew like a puddle of spilled ink on one side of the tent, they swelled into a howling klaxon. 

What she wanted to do was to wake Nil up, but terror had flash-frozen her joints in place. They didn't thaw until the shadow shrank and then disappeared completely, and with her heart pummeling at her ribcage so hard she thought she would vomit, Aloy shook her boyfriend awake.

"Nil. Sahad!" 

"...Aloy?" His eyes slitted open and rolled to look at her. They widened, and he sat up immediately, his hand immediately flinging to the combat knife he kept close at hand, even in sleep. "What is it? What's wrong?" 

"There's something outside." Try as she might, Aloy couldn't keep the shakiness from her voice. 

Nil set his jaw. "Wait here. I'm going to go check it out."

She grabbed his hand as he finished unzipping the tent. "But - "

"I'll be fine, huntress." A grin she didn't like one bit split his lips until he was baring his teeth at her. Aloy dropped his hand as though it were made of thorns. "This is what I'm good at. Now, no matter what happens, don't move from this spot unless I tell you to. Got it?"

She barely got a nod out before Nil darted out into the suffocating darkness. With a soft cry of dismay, Aloy drew her legs up to her chest, pressed her forehead against her knees, and waited. 

Minutes ticked by, and still Nil didn't return. Everytime a noise echoed through the night air, her head shot up in a panic, even though it was most likely her boyfriend checking out the perimeter. Finally, after what must've been at least fifteen minutes, Nil's disgruntled face poked back into the tent. 

"There was nothing out there," he said with a grimace. "Unfortunately."

"Unfortunately?" Aloy hissed, grabbing his arm and tugging until he crawled all the way into the tent. "You're _disappointed_? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She didn't curse often, and it got Nil's attention. Frowning, he shoved his knife back into its sheath and eyed her warily.

"A little action never hurt anyone."

"I was _scared_ , Nil," she snapped. "Does that even matter to you? Or is this just another one of your games?"

"Aloy - " He exhaled through his nose, then reached up to run his fingers through his messy hair. "Of course it does."

She couldn't bring herself respond to him. Instead, she flopped on to her back and curled up on her side, not sure if she wanted to cry or scream more.

"It was probably just a bear, sweetheart. We should be more careful about securing our food going forward."

When Aloy didn't say anything to that either, she heard him sigh, and she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying something she might regret in the morning. The pressure from Nil's hand landed on her waist, and she immediately tensed up.

"I'm sorry, Aloy." She heard the rush of air as he took another breath. "I fucked up, okay? Please don't hate me for it." The pleading and edge of fear in his voice were too much for even her to withstand, so with an irritated groan, she rolled back over.

"I don't hate you," she said, and the relief that shined from his eyes was enough to make her feel a touch of guilt. "And I...I shouldn't have snapped at you either. I've just been stressed lately, and it's been making me jumpy."

"I noticed," Nil murmured. Understanding that he was forgiven, he settled back down beside Aloy and curled an arm around her. A few moments passed, and then he added, "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yeah, I do," she replied quietly. _Everything but this._

"Good." 

He still looked concerned, but only curved his body around hers as usual, letting the subject drop like he always did, and Aloy had never hated herself more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cracks in their relationship are starting to show...
> 
> Updating a bit early because I have a couple of things to do tomorrow.
> 
> See yinz next week!


	16. Trail Angel

**Trail Angel** – Someone who provides unexpected help, food, or water to a hiker.

-

_August 28th - 29th , 2010_

Examining her bustling surroundings - Hanover, NH, otherwise known as the home of Dartmouth College - Aloy wrinkled her nose.

"Ugh. Didn't want to be reminded of all of this again so soon."

Beside her, Nil glanced up from where he was looking for directions on his phone and shot her a knowing grin. "What? Didn't enjoy the so-called college experience?"

"College was something I survived, not enjoyed," Aloy said flatly. 

"Clearly you didn't get out enough," Nil teased. 

Aloy shook her head. "I didn't really _want_ to. Too many people...too much noise."

"Sounds like you," he laughed, weaving an arm around her shoulder. "You know, little huntress, I was working on a bachelor's degree myself."

She glanced up at him in surprise. "Really? You've never mentioned that before. What was it in?"

"It never came up," Nil said with a shrug. "It was an online program, and not one of those shitty diploma mills, before you ask. I was focusing on Environmental Science, though. Only a couple of semesters from graduating, actually, but that's been put on hold for obvious reasons."

"Huh. That's not too far off from my degree, honestly," she replied thoughtfully. "What did you want to do with it?"

Nil cocked his head, frowning. "I'm not really sure. Something where I can be outside. Desk jobs don't really suit me."

"That makes a lot of sense." Aloy was about to ask him where exactly they were sleeping for the night when all of the hairs on the back of her neck stood up at once. It felt a hell of a lot like she was being watched, and when she turned, icy tendrils curled in her stomach as something caught her eye.

Or rather, someone. 

Across the street from the couple stood behemoth of a man, staring straight at her. A look of what could only be described as loathing was contorting the features of his face, and everything in Aloy told her to _run, now_. She frantically wracked her brain to recall where she had seen him before, because something about him was eerily familiar. It only took a second longer for her to remember.

Helis. The man she had met on her first day on the trail, on her way down Springer Hill. At the time, she had thought that he was strange, but now she _really_ felt as though something was off. 

Turning back to Nil, she grabbed onto his arm.

"Nil, that man over there, he..."

But when Aloy looked again mid-sentence, he was gone. Her words abruptly died off.

"Aloy?" She dragged her gaze back to her boyfriend. "What man?"

"I..." Her eyes searched the crowd of new college students and their families, but to no avail. It was as though Helis had melted away into nothingness - or maybe he had never been there to begin with. 

"Sorry, I - I think I'm just tired," she said, rubbing the back of her hand over her eyes. "False alarm."

Concern still lined Nil's face, and he angled his head to scan the crowd too. "Are you sure? If someone's making you feel unsafe - "

"No, it's fine," Aloy interrupted, managing a small smile. "Let's just get to wherever we're going for the night, okay?"

She could tell that he wasn't convinced, but Nil nodded anyway. "All right, little huntress. Right this way."

With his arm wrapped around her waist, she felt a little steadier and safer. Sparing one final glance back at where she thought she had seen Helis, Aloy allowed Nil to lead them to their lodging for the night.

When they got there, however, Aloy slapped her hand over her face and groaned.

"Yes?" Nil asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Really, Nil? A bed and breakfast this time? I know for a fact how expensive these are."

"We've been sleeping on the ground for a month and a half straight," he said mildly. "Don't you think we deserve this?"

Aloy shot him a flat look. "You know, I'm not sure what you expected when you decided to hike the AT." 

Nil shrugged, the corners of his mouth twitching. "I expected town stops like these, where I'd be able to live in the lap of luxury, at least occasionally."

"Whatever," Aloy muttered under her breath. "On one condition. You split it with me this time, or I'm going to hike a few miles up the trail and camp by myself."

"I didn't do this on purpose," he pouted. "Everything else was completely booked. It's the beginning of the fall semester at Dartmouth."

"All right, then," Aloy sniffed, hiking up her bag. "Guess I'll be sleeping all alone tonight."

She could see the exact moment Nil caved - he could never resist having her all to himself in an actual bed - and had to fight back a triumphant grin. 

"Fine," he sighed, his shoulders and head slumping as he took on a distinctly kicked puppy-like demeanor. "Breaking my heart here, sweetheart. One day I'll be able to spoil you a little more, and you'll have to deal with it."

"Don't count on it," she quipped, already making her way towards a kitschy older home. 

The colorfully painted sign out front told Aloy that the business was called Cyan Bed and Breakfast, and indeed, everything seemed to be touched with a bright shade of blue-green in some capacity, including the wicker furniture sitting on front on the covered porch. 

Inside was no different. The cool color theme continued, and a hodge podge of different paintings and sculptures covered every available surface and inch of wall. Amazingly, it somehow avoided coming off as gaudy, managing to capture a more artsy and eclectic aesthetic instead, and Aloy instantly felt at home.

"Ah, hello there! Welcome!"

An older woman with soft brown skin appeared in what looked like the entry-way to the dining room, wiping her paint-coated hands on her apron. 

"Hi," Aloy said with a hesitant smile. "We're - "

"Aloy and Sahad," the woman said with a kind smile. "I'm Ourea, your host. Well, one of them." She turned her head towards the stairs, sucked in a huge breath, and yelled, " _Aratak_!"

Beside Aloy, Nil gave a soft cry and jumped. Her hand immediately flew to his lower back, which she rubbed in large, soothing circles. Ourea's gaze snapped to the couple.

"Um, I'm sorry, but Sahad isn't comfortable with loud noises," Aloy said quickly. "We don't mean to be a bother - "

"Not at all," the older woman replied with a shake of her head. "I apologize. We'll do our best to make your stay as quiet as possible. Perhaps we should perform a cleansing of your room to make sure nothing otherworldly bothers you as well."

Before Aloy could say anything to that offer, the wooden floors creaked above them under the weight of what was clearly a person, and a few seconds later a large man came thundering down the stairs. Nil clutched on to Aloy's shoulder, and she could hear the measured breaths he took to calm down.

"Aratak," Ourea hissed, bending towards him with her weathered hands on her hips. "Our guests have requested quiet, so I expect you to keep it down."

"Yeah, yeah," the man, apparently Aratak, mumbled gruffly. He looked the two over for a brief moment, his eyes unreadable. "Did my sister give you the whole spiritual woowoo nonsense spiel?"

Aloy blinked rapidly, unsure of how to respond without coming off as rude, despite the fact that she was inclined to agree with Aratak's assessment.

"Hey, it doesn't seem to be nonsense to her," Nil piped up from beside her, and she felt acute relief that he had been able to calm down without any additional intervention.

"Oh, I like this one," Ourea said with a grin. Aratak rolled his eyes, but didn't add anything else. "Now if you kids would follow me, I'll show you to your room. We've never gotten Appalachian Trail hikers here before, and I'm sure you two are exhausted."

She promptly made her way towards the stairs, giving her brother a playful little shove along the way. It turned out that Aratak wasn't all hard edges; Aloy could just see the hint of a smile on his face while they walked by. Despite his surly attitude, the man clearly cared for his sister - they seemed like family in every sense of the word.

As stupid as it was, her throat closed up while she headed up the stairs behind Nil. Her gaze settled on her boyfriend's wide back, and she vaguely registered Ourea saying something about most of the artwork in the house being hers.

They stopped at a cheerfully painted wooden door, and Ourea unlocked it before turning to them.

"I usually have breakfast done by 9 am, depending on the morning." She fixed them with a stern look. "I expect you both to be down there to enjoy a good meal and some conversation. All right?" 

"Yes, ma'am," Nil chirped, and Aloy nearly rolled her eyes when Ourea gave him a beaming grin.

"Anything else?" Both Nil and Aloy shook their heads. "All right! Go ahead and get settled in, and if you need anything, I'm right downstairs. May the blessings of the universe be upon you."

Clapping her hands together, Ourea bowed at the waist and walked backwards a few paces, then disappeared back down the stairs.

"Well, she's really nice," Nil commented as he stepped into the room, and he sighed happily as he shrugged off his pack. "Conversation with those two at the breakfast table should be really interesting...Aloy?"

She hadn't realized she was stuck in the doorway staring at her feet until Nil said her name. Jerking her head up, she managed to flash him a weak smile then walk over to place her bag next to his. The decor and furnishings of the room were as varied and as colorful as the rest of the house, but Aloy barely paid them any mind as she stared out a nearby window.

Strong arms circled her from behind, and Nil's chin rested on her shoulder. "I'm worried about you, sweetheart."

Aloy sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm fine. Just - "

"Tired, right?" He huffed out a laugh. "You know I don't believe that for a second."

"I..." Aloy leaned her head back against his shoulder. "Yeah. You probably shouldn't."

"Mhm," he hummed, leaving a kiss on her neck. "Why don't you come sit down on the bed with me so we can talk about it?"

Nil didn't wait for her response. Still holding on to her, he shuffled them both over to the cozy, patchwork quilt-covered bed. Moving together in such a fashion was so awkward and ridiculous that Aloy couldn't help the tiny laugh that escaped her.

"Ah, there she is," he chuckled, tugging her all the way into his lap as he rested his back against the simple wooden headboard. "I knew my girl was in there somewhere."

"Shush," Aloy muttered, but she automatically melted against him when he began to run his fingers through her untamed hair and work on undoing her braids.

"Whenever you're ready, little huntress."

Aloy saw no point in deferring this conversation any longer. Nil had revealed the horrible details of his past to her, and now it was her turn. What surprised her, however, was the lack of trepidation she felt, and how beginning her story was almost as easy as thinking about it in her own head.

"What do you know about my family?"

She felt Nil pause in unweaving one of the larger braids. "Just what you've told me. About Rost being your distant guardian and your parents dying when you were a baby."

"That's a very abridged version. I guess I should start at the beginning, because that's the only way to begin to explain" - Aloy gestured at herself - "this whole mess."

"Most beautiful mess I know," Nil muttered, and she poked him in the thigh.

"Anyway," she continued acerbically. "I was born on April 4th, 1988 to my two mothers, Gaia and Elisabet Sobeck. Elisabet was my biological mother, and Gaia carried me. They underwent in-vitro fertilization, which was still a fairly new and experimental procedure at the time, but Elisabet was a robotics engineer and apparently always eager to test the bounds of technology."

"Early test tube baby and born to a same sex couple at a time when the world wasn't as accepting as it is now," Nil mused. "You've always been exceptional, huh?"

Aloy waved him off, growing wistful. "I'm told they were so happy to have me, and I believe it, because they went through hell and back to bring me into the world. But when I was six months old, we were all driving back from a fundraising dinner when there was a car accident. Miraculously, I survived without a scratch on me. My mothers weren't so lucky."

Long done with undoing her braids, Nil continued to stroke her hair, and she leaned fully back into him. "All of my grandparents had passed away, and none of my other extended family had the means or want to take me in, so that responsibility ended up falling on Rost. He and Gaia were childhood friends and who had remained close, so he was made my godfather when I was born. It was apparently a surprise to everyone when he became my guardian, because his wife and six year old daughter had died a few years prior."

"Car accident as well?"

Aloy shook her head grimly. "No. They were murdered, and the police never found out who did it or even a motive."

Nil blew out a breath, but didn't say anything else, so she pressed on. "I'm actually not too sure why he did other than out of obligation to Gaia. It's something I've always wondered for as long as I can remember. He wasn't exactly the most loving parental figure out there." 

"What happened between you two?" he asked gently. "Why did you leave for the trail without telling him?"

Aloy forced out a harsh laugh. It was now or never.

"Because he told me that at the end of April, he'd be kicking me out of the house 'for my own good, because emotional attachments will only hold me back', as he so wonderfully put it. I put off finding a job to see if maybe, just _maybe_ I could find a way to fix things between us, or even just have a real relationship. I guess that's not what he wanted. He's probably already donated or thrown my stuff out."

Anger roared through her as she recalled her and Rost's final confrontation, and Aloy had to take a moment to calm herself before continuing. Nil remained as silent and patient as ever, but there was a stiffness to his movements that wasn't there before.

"There was always this distance between us, like, even when I was a kid, he was so stoic. I hated it, I always wanted more, even just a goddamn hug once in awhile, you know?" Aloy's fists clenched. "And here's the crux of it, Sahad: I don't know what having a loving family is like. This is horrible, I know, but when I see a loving family of any kind, I get so sad and jealous. I wish I could have someone to call when I'm in trouble, someone to lean on, someone who would love me no matter what happened or what I did. But I don't, and I think these awful things, and that probably makes me a bad person who doesn't deserve any of it anyway."

"Aloy, sweetheart, look at me," Nil said firmly, grabbing her by the shoulder and gently urging her to turn around until she was straddling his thighs. Normally, this position was meant for a vastly different mood, but in this context, it was oddly intimate and vulnerable. Sharp grey eyes bored into hers, and when he spoke, it was slow and precise.

"You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have a support system. You deserve fucking _everything_. You're not a bad person, not in the slightest. Do you remember the day we met? How you stopped when you saw me on the side of the trail? I knew you were going to ask if I needed help, because that's the kind of person you are. You made sure that old trail legend was okay. You helped Elida look for her bracelet and gave her advice. Bad people don't do things like that. Bad people hurt other people, and I've never seen you hurt anyone. My greatest hope is that you one day see yourself for all that you are and that I get to be there to see that moment too. I - "

But Nil wasn't able to complete his thought, whatever it was, because in the next heartbeat Aloy was slamming into him and kissing him with a bruising force. Maybe a little of it was to hide the tears welling up in her eyes, but a bigger part of it was her needing to be as close as possible to him in that moment, to pour out some of the overflowing emotion from the well of her heart. And he didn't disappoint - he dragged her even closer than she already was, gasping and weaving his fingers through her hair as he kissed her back just as thoroughly.

"It's not the thoughts you have in your head that matter, little huntress," he murmured when they finally managed to separate sometime later. Still, as though unable to bear being without her touch, he kept his forehead pressed to hers. "We all have fucked up thoughts sometimes, you know? I certainly do, more than most. It's what you do with them, your _actions_ that are important, and you're far better at that than I."

"You're not as bad as you think you are either," Aloy whispered. "I see how hard you try, and I know that can't be easy with all you've gone through. You've done a lot for me, Sahad, and I just..."

She trailed off, suddenly afraid of completing her sentence. What she wanted to say, to confess was right on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to follow through. The possibility of rejection would crush her right now, and that wasn't something she couldn't afford, so Aloy swallowed those three little words back into her chest. It was enough that Nil had been here to listen, his kind words putting to rest some of the self-loathing and uncertainty she had always carried with her.

The rest of the day was easier, more relaxed, as Aloy felt as though a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders. When she slept that night after Nil finished taking his time worshipping what felt like every inch of her body, it was without restlessness, and she found more comfort than usual in his solid hold. 

Ourea, despite their brief acquaintance, even commented on her rested state the next morning during breakfast.

"It looks like the bed here did you well," the older woman said, clearly pleased. 

"Yeah," Aloy replied, and it was with a genuine smile. "It was really comfortable, and the room was really cozy."

"Not to mention this fantastic breakfast to top it all off," Nil added slyly between bites of crisp bacon.

Aratak grunted, but his eyes seemed amused. "You really know how to charm my sister, boy. Now she won't shut up about you for the next month."

"If _you_ don't shut up, I'm confiscating the sausage gravy," Ourea said archly, pulling the porcelain vessel towards her. "Sahad is a lovely young man, and you could stand to learn some manners from him."

When Aloy beheld their familial interactions this time, it was without any negative feelings, and she grinned so widely at Nil that her cheeks ached.

"You two be careful out there," Ourea said after they had paid for their room (and split the bill, much to Aloy's relief) and were lingering outside on the porch. "A lot can go wrong when you're out in the wilderness."

"We will. Thanks again for everything, Ourea," Nil replied, gripping her hand in both of his briefly. 

"May the spirits of the earth bless both of you, and may they guide you on the rest of your journey," the older woman said softly. Her words were meant for both of them, but her eyes were riveted to Aloy. "I hope you find the truths you seek."

"I do too," Aloy said, before she could stop herself. 

Brushing off Nil's quizzical look, she turned with a new energy and skipped down the front stairs, to the north and towards the looming end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprised by an update? That's because I have OFFICIALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS! Which means updates will now be twice a week - Monday and Thursday - until the end. And oh boy, the next chapter is officially the beginning of the end.
> 
> After this is over, I'm going to have a couple of chapters tacked on for extras - bits of extra writing and sketches I did for this. I'm also working on a fun fall short story immediately after the close of this fic, but that will be posted separately.
> 
> See yinz on Monday!


	17. Escape Velocity

**Escape Velocity** – The will to walk away from a vortex.

-

_September 4th, 2010_

She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, everything was dark, and she was lost. No one was going to save her, and she'd die alone, and this crushing realization had her opening her mouth to scream her anguish, and a faintly glowing mass was reaching out to grab her -

Aloy jerked back into consciousness suddenly, her lips still parted. She was splayed out on her back in the dark cocoon of her and Nil's tent, her eyes wide, her breathing labored. Nil was hovering over her, concern tightening his features.

"Hey, hey, it's all right, sweetheart," he murmured, bending to press his lips to her temple. "Shh, I'm here."

All she could do was cling to him and focus all of her energy into easing the beating of her heart and slowing the shallow quickness of her breath. It took awhile, but after what seemed like an entire hour had elapsed, she felt as though she had grounded herself enough to speak. Aloy haltingly raised her eyes to look at Nil. 

"There you go, sweetheart. That's it."

"Sorry about that," Aloy choked, gripping at the thin fabric of his tank-top. "I know I'm usually the one comforting you."

"You are," Nil said simply, stroking the back of her head with so much tenderness it quelled some of her leftover panic. "But right now, you're the one who needs me."

Still, old habits died hard. Aloy attempted to wriggle from his arms, squeaking indignantly when Nil instead tightened his hold on her. 

"Aloy, come on. Let me in. Retreating into yourself never does one good, and as I've told you many times, I'm here to listen."

Aloy grumbled a bit, but she was too tired and too stressed from her dream to argue. 

"It's this reoccurring nightmare," she began, her voice hushed. "I've had it since I was a little girl. I can't see or hear anything. The only thing I know is that I'm immersed in total darkness. All I can think about is how alone I am, and that this must be what dying is like. Then I start to feel like I'm suffocating, and I thrash and claw at my throat until I wake up."

While the words poured from her, Nil simply held her, his fingers smoothing over her hair in gentle, measured strokes. After she finished, he was silent for a couple minutes longer, and Aloy was nearly lulled back to sleep by his touch alone.

Finally, startling her out of her drowsiness, he said, "You've felt alone all your life, haven't you. And not just family, like we talked about."

It was phrased like a question, but he said it as if it was a known fact. A thick lump formed in Aloy's throat, but she forced herself to nod.

"Yeah, I uh - I have. And it didn't used to matter that much to me. I had so many other things going on in my life, and Rost was always there, if distant. But then I graduated, and...it started to matter." Tears blurred her eyes. "I woke up one day and realized that I had my fancy degree from Berkeley and all the job opportunities in the world, but there was no one to share it with, no one to get excited and celebrate with me. I spent my graduation night alone packing up my dorm room while everyone was out drinking with their friends. All I got from Rost earlier that day was a clap on the shoulder and 'Good job, kiddo.' You already know how it is with him. Sometimes, as awful as it is to Rost, I wish more than anything that my mothers had survived, because I know things would be different. "

The tears were falling hot and fast, and a broken sob tore from her. Nil's grip tightened, but she barely felt it.

"Compared to everything you've faced, I know this is ridiculous. I must seem so...so childish. You've fought in two wars, for fuck's sake, and here I am, still crying about not getting enough attention. You know what, on second thought, I'll just shut up."

"No. Never shut up, Aloy," Nil said firmly. Sliding his fingers under her chin, he tilted it up until she was looking at him. The glow from the flashlight reflected in his eyes, warming and intensifying them. "Pain is relative, and it barbs at us all in different ways. You've been neglected your entire life, and I'm honestly impressed you didn't break down sooner."

"Still, this isn't your responsibility," she protested. "I'm nothing special to you, just a trail fling - "

"Is that honestly all you think you are to me?" Nil's voice was quiet but trembling, his eyes creased with pain. "After everything we've gone through together? Aloy, you're my girlfriend. _All of this_ is my responsibility."

Unsure, Aloy glanced away. "I...I'm me, though. I'm not exactly relationship material, Sahad. Regardless of what we've been telling people about being a couple. I wouldn't blame you for only wanting sex and companionship out of this."

"You're you, yes," he said, gently tapping at her chin until she was looking at him again. "You're full of life, determination, and more strength than you know. You've stuck by my side despite how utterly fucked up I am, and I'll never, ever be able to repay you for that. And everything you are, everything you've done, Aloy, is why I love you with every last remaining bit of my heart. It was never just about sex, not from the start."

_I love you._

Time crawled to a halt as the words thumped like a pulse throughout Aloy's entire body, over and over again. How long had it been since anyone had said those words to her? Had Rost _ever_? There wasn't any time she could recall, that was for sure. Maybe Elisabet and Gaia had said it to her when she was a baby, but there was no way to be certain. 

She searched Nil's face frantically for any hint of deceit, any sign that he was playing some kind of cruel game with her. But all Aloy found was pure conviction and - well, love. Love, as hard as it was to believe, for her and her alone.

"Aloy?" There was a trace of trepidation in her name, and it was enough to snap her out of her awe.

"You too," she blurted out a little too loudly, doing nothing to prevent the enormous, silly smile that was spreading her lips. "I love you too. So much."

Relief blossomed on his face, coupled with a quiet laugh full of wonder. Achingly slowly, he brought his forehead to hers, and Aloy closed her eyes, simply breathing in this moment.

"You're beautiful like this," he whispered. "So fucking beautiful. I've never seen you smile that way before. It's like - like spring flowers after a long winter. I'm going to do everything I can from now on to keep that smile on your face, I promise."

Angling his head, Nil caught her lips with his own in a sweet, tender kiss. Her heart beat in time with every movement, so bloated with emotion that it made her entire chest throb and ache. If Aloy belonged anywhere in the world, it was right here in this moment. Nothing else mattered, because right now, she was loved. She was cherished. Someone wanted her for who she was, not because of her pedigree or how much of an asset she could be to them.

When Nil's hands began to wander, Aloy arched into his every caressing touch, her nerves already on fire. In the heat of the late summer night, both of them wore as little clothing as possible, so it only took moments for them to strip what little they had on. Soft, playful laughter chimed between them when Nil's normally deft fingers fumbled on the tight knot of Aloy's sleeping shorts, and he shot her a sheepish grin that had her stomach doing somersaults while he finally unwound it. 

Sliding down the length of her body, he dropped a kiss on her taut belly, tugging her shorts and panties down at an agonizingly slow pace. With each new inch revealed, he placed a new kiss there, sometimes accompanied by a gentle nibble or lick. By the time he reached her thighs, so much heat and pressure had built up in her core that she automatically dropped a hand down in an attempt to ease it. But Nil caught her wrist with a shake of his head.

"Let me," he murmured. Never breaking eye contact, he dragged his tongue over the sensitive span of her inner thigh, drawing a needy moan from her. "I've told you I love you, now let me show you."

Those three words had her heart practically singing again, and she wondered deliriously if hearing them would always make her feel this way. When the tip of Nil's tongue brushed teasingly along her folds, it was almost too much, and Aloy had to drop her head back and squeeze her eyes shut. As overstimulated as she was, it wouldn't be much longer before he'd be drawing an orgasm from her, so she didn't bother holding back in grinding herself against his face. A satisfied moan left her lover, and that clever tongue of his delved deeper, one upward motion catching on her clit. Aloy's vision went white for a brief moment, her hands shooting downwards to tangle in Nil's inky hair.

The expert swipe of his tongue combined with the delicious friction from her rocking rhythmically against his face had Aloy sprinting towards the precipe. When Nil pressed into her more, sealing his lips over her clit and sucking hard, she seized and shattered, her keening cries echoing in the tent and likely throughout the entire clearing they had camped out in. As the blinding pleasure began to subside and she drifted like a feather back to earth, Aloy was for once grateful for his constant insistence on camping a ways away from the trail shelters.

Easing himself back up over her, Nil smoothed a few sweaty strands of hair from her brow, his grey eyes shimmering with both fondness and self-satisfaction. 

But Aloy wasn't done with him just yet. Dragging him back down for yet another scorching kiss, she reached down to wrap her fingers around his fully hardened length. Caught off guard, Nil inhaled sharply against her lips, jerking into her tight grip. Her thumb glided over his tip, aided by the copious amounts of fluid leaking from him, down to a spot Aloy knew always made him putty in her hands. Sure enough, as soon as she gave it a firm rub, a choked groan left him, and an answering tendril of heat curled in her belly. Encouraged, she gave him a few lazy pumps, making sure to brush her fingertips over the head of his cock with every pass.

"Aloy," Nil gasped, stilling the motion of her hand with his own. "Stop, sweetheart, please."

Giving him one last quick stroke that had him groaning through gritted teeth, Aloy finally, reluctantly let go and smiled up coyly at him. 

Nil chuckled, bending to place a kiss on her nose. "I think I'm starting to rub off on you."

"Maybe," she replied cheekily, kissing him back. "So...did you want to grab a condom or should I?"

Nil hesitated, something like apprehension spreading over his expression. "I think that we've been together long enough that we don't need to take precautions like that anymore. As long as you've been staying current with your birth control...if you're okay with it, I'd like to go without from now on."

Warmth spread through Aloy's chest, and she circled her arms around Nil's neck to draw him close. "Yes, on both counts. And I trust you too."

Surging forward, Nil kissed her hard, a hand dropping to her thigh. Eagerly, Aloy spread her legs for him, sighing when his cock settled in the vee of her thighs, hot and thick. Without breaking the kiss, he pushed into her slowly, his fingers threading through hers. 

Sex didn't feel _that_ different without a condom, at least not for her, but the knowledge alone elevated the intimacy and sensation of the act. Nil kept his face close to hers as he rocked into her gently, occasionally bringing his lips to hers or nuzzling into her neck with soft sighs and gasps. The rapture on his face told Aloy that he was definitely able to feel a difference without protection, and the notion that she was bringing him even more pleasure than usual made her own skyrocket in turn, until her head felt like it was spinning. 

Her fingers drifted down the length of his body and pressed into the firm curve of his ass, encouraging him to move faster, to drive deeper, to thrust harder. If she was being greedy, Aloy didn't much care anymore. She needed Nil as close as humanly possible, to fill the voids left behind from years of loneliness and the absence of love, and she was grateful when one of his hands fell to her hip and he immediately obliged. 

His hold on her allowed him more leverage, and he lifted her pelvis slightly to get deeper than he had before. This new, upward angle also had the benefit of making it so that whenever he moved in or out of her, the base of his cock would drag firmly against her clit. It was more friction, more pressure, enough that Aloy knew she wouldn't need any additional stimulation to come. And she could see that Nil was getting close, too - she'd been with him long enough to know all of his tells, how his strokes would stutter, how his grip on whatever he was holding would tighten, how his cheeks would flush a violent red and his eyes would narrow in concentration. She knew exactly what she needed to finish, and it had her curling her arms around his neck and her palms cupping the back of his head, where his silky hair had grown out enough for her to twine her fingers through it.

"Say it again," Aloy breathed.

Nil gifted her with the softest of smiles, before angling his head down, ghosting his lips over hers, and whispering, "I love you, Aloy."

That was all it took. On his next thrust, she fell apart spectacularly, her body bowing and arching against his. It only took a couple more for Nil to join her in oblivion, and even through the heights of their ecstasy, they moved together as one. His name was on her lips, her name was on his, breathless vows of love spilling from both of them until those overwhelming waves of pleasure subsided and they were able to surface into reality again. 

Nil didn't pull out of her just yet, for which Aloy was glad. They remained joined while he kissed her tenderly, his thumbs brushing over the arch of her cheek and the angle of her jaw. Nothing was said, but nothing needed to be. The most important words had already been spoken, and everything else was communicated through whispering touches and meaningful glances. 

He did slip out of her after awhile and roll to her side with a sleepy groan. It was late, so that was to be expected. What wasn't was the deep contentment Aloy had felt in the after slowly leeching away in the absence of Nil's body, replaced by a slithering uneasiness so intense it bordered on anxiety. She rationalized it away relatively easily - she had just been through the emotional wringer, and it was likely due to exhaustion, both physical and mental. Despite the creeping sense of doubt at her own rationalization, it was enough to get her to fall asleep with Nil's hand clasped in her own.

The morning sky had only just begun to brighten when Aloy was ripped from sleep again, this time by a panic so fierce it stole the breath from her lungs. Vague memories of dreams raced through her mind - of mountains and forever goodbyes and broken hearts that would never quite heal - and it had her throwing her clothes on and crawling to her pack before she could stop to think her actions through. All she knew was that she needed to get away now, or risk damaging herself forever.

Aloy tried to be quiet, to leave without him waking, but it wasn't enough. Nil was far too sensitive to noise, and all it took was the hiss of the zipper on her pack to wake him. He stirred, then sat up abruptly when his eyes landed on her.

"Aloy?" he asked groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I need to go," she said shakily.

"It's still early," Nil pointed out with a frown. "We don't need to get going for at least another hour or so. "

"No. I mean, just me. Alone." She began to tie her trail runners, cursing her trembling fingers when they slipped over the laces several times. 

Nil stilled. "Aloy? What are you talking about? What are you saying?"

"I - we can't do this anymore, Sahad," she forced out, even though it tore her heart in half to do so. She couldn't bear to look at the confusion and burgeoning panic on his face, so she focused on her shoes.

_Better now than later_ , she told herself, but it rang hollow in the face of what she was about to do.

"Why?" The sheer pain in his voice had her pausing for a second, but in the next she shut that train of thought down. 

Aloy had made her choice, and there was no going back. 

"Please, sweetheart, we can talk about this - "

"We can't. Don't...don't make this harder than it needs to be." Her shoes were tied, so it was time to go. But before she could move in the direction of the entrance, Nil's hand shot out to latch on to her arm.

"Don't - "

"Look at me, Aloy. _Please_."

Haltingly, she lifted her gaze to him again. The anguish twisting his face was so intense that she couldn't suppress her sharp inhale.

"Whatever it is, I'll make it right." His eyes were shining and earnest, and the knife in Aloy's heart twisted further, because she absolutely believed him. "I know that last night was probably overwhelming for you. If you need space, even a few days hiking separately, I'll give that to you. Whatever you need, sweetheart. Just don't leave me for good."

"Nil, it's not" - she had to stop to pull in a steadying breath - "it's not that. Just...let me go, okay?"

Achingly slowly, his fingers uncurled until his grip on her dropped. The hope on his face flickered and then died, and his expression contorted into agony instead. That shine in his eyes had been from tears, it turned out, and they began to tumble freely down his face.

"Fuck," he gasped. " _Fuck_. It's the PTSD, isn't it? You were so upset with me that one night...and the nightmares...the paranoia...I should have known. I should have never - never believed that I was good enough for you. I should have just..." Nil's eyes landed on his pack, and his face crumpled before he buried it in his hands, sobs and half-formed words wracking his entire body.

Despite being the sole cause of it, she couldn't bear another moment of his grief, and she didn't try to correct him either. With one last selfish look and a mumbled goodbye, she stole from the tent.

Numbness spread from Aloy's heart and throughout her body as she strode away from Nil as quickly as her legs could carry her. Somehow, it was easier this way. Let him believe that she was leaving because of her inability to handle his issues. Let him make her the villain, see her as too weak to deal with him. Maybe he'd find comfort in his anger, and it would lead to healing. Nil was one of the strongest people she had ever known. In time, she knew that he would recover.

After all, she had only been a trail fling. None of this was meant to last, because nothing ever did. Aloy Sobeck had been born to be alone, and it was high time she got used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, everyone. I think a lot of you knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it suck any less. Feel free to yell at me in the comments!
> 
> I'll see yinz on Thursday, for Aloy alone...


	18. Soloing

**Soloing** – Going alone.

-

_September 4th - 18th, 2010_

Summer ended abruptly in northern New England, refusing to linger much into September. Hot, bright days were replaced by dull, grey skies, and Aloy stared at one such sky blankly now. Ragged and formless clouds blended together in an uninspiring, monotone sea, hiding away the brilliant colors of the rising sun. That was fine with her, honestly - it would just get in her eyes anyway.

Another morning, another day, another twenty or so miles. Hiking, staring, trying not to think of anything beyond summiting that stupid mountain and going home. It didn't matter. Home, back to her colorless life and her distant guardian who likely loathed her at this point. It didn't matter. Home, to look for a job she was supposed to find meaning and completion in. It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered. Not anymore.

This was her reality, and Aloy didn't want any of it. The only thing she truly did want wasn't a viable option anymore. Never had been, really. It had all been a façade, a meaningless distraction, and it was time to move on and accept that fact. She had assigned too much value to something ultimately temporary, and it was a stupid mistake she'd be sure to never make again. Mistakes got you hurt. The way her chest throbbed like one giant bruise every second of every hour of every day was reminder enough of that.

But she couldn't think about that now. 

Thinking about that, about _him_ was reserved for endless nights in her brand new hammock, because a tent would remind her of his absence too much (and because sometimes, very occasionally, in those last, slow heartbeats before she slipped away into nothingness, the way the nylon coccoon cradled her tricked her into believing that it was him wrapped around her instead). 

But she couldn't think about that now.

She couldn't, but she did.

What else was she to do with so much time and so many monotonous miles? It was probably what she deserved, anyway. The way she had left him there, folded in on himself like a broken toy, sobbing and begging her not to leave. How she had allowed him to believe that there was something wrong with him, that he was the reason she was walking away. The damage she had likely done to an already beaten and bruised man who had only just begun to heal and hope, all because she was afraid. Afraid and selfish.

But the world was cruel and scary, and being selfish was how one survived.

"I'm an awful person, aren't I," Aloy said dully, in the way one might state a particularly uninteresting fact from an encyclopedia.

A crow's cacaphonous cawing cleaved the peace of the morning in two.

"That's what I thought."

So she began another day she already wanted to be over. How many had it been since? Who knew, who cared. At least once the trail was over, she could go back to Colorado, and there would be nothing to remind of her any of this anymore. It would become just another awful memory that she neatly packed away in the dusty warehouse of her brain, never to be opened or examined again.

_You know you won't be able to do that, little huntress. You won't be able to forget me._

"Fuck off," she muttered, but there was no force behind her words.

At least she would be arriving in Stratton, ME sometime that afternoon. Town stops were a good distraction - she could shovel a bunch of nutritionally questionable comfort food in her face, soak in the showers at the campground where she had a reservation, and maybe even stop at a local bar. Aloy had never much cared for alcohol, but a drink sounded great right about now. Anything to dull the sharp edges of this cycle of thoughts, scraping at her like knives.

So, after arriving and checking into her site, after stopping at a local deli and ordering the meatiest, greasiest abomination of a sandwich she could find (it all tasted like ashes in her mouth anyway), she opened up her phone and searched for a decent location to drown her sorrows. The best reviewed place was a dive called The Captain's Roost and was only about a mile's walk from where she currently was. It was grubby and spartan inside, but the service was apparently top-notch, and they tended to pour their drinks strong - in other words, exactly what Aloy needed.

It was three in the afternoon on a weekday, so there was only one other person surrounded by a halo of cigarette smoke sitting at the bar when she entered. The bartender, a burly man maybe a little older than her, glanced over in Aloy's direction, and she was mildly surprised that, despite his otherwise intimidating appearance, his blue eyes were kind.

"Afternoon," he said, his voice lightly touched by the typical New England accent. "If you're gonna be drinking, I'll need to see some ID, because you look kinda young, and I'm not about to get into any trouble."

With a nod, Aloy dug into one of her side pockets and produced her license. 

The other person at the bar, a middle aged man, snorted and ground his cigarette butt into a nearby ashtray. "Aw, who's gonna fuck with you, Erend? You're like a puppy."

"The fucking Bureau of Alcoholic Beverages, Dervahl. Now shut up or I'm throwing your ass to the curb again," the barkeep - Erend, apparently - threatened. He handed her back her license after looking over it. "Aloy, huh? Pretty name for a pretty girl."

"She ain't gonna be into you, man."

"Dervahl, I swear to all that is holy, I will kick you out if you don't shut that ugly fucking mug of yours."

Aloy ignored their bickering and raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Erend, huh? Are you the captain? Of the roost?"

Erend's cheeks colored, and Dervahl let out a loud, sputtering guffaw. 

"That's it," Erend snapped, wheeling on him. "Out. Now. And if I see your sorry ass in here for the next week, we're gonna have a problem."

Surprisingly, the older man obeyed. He slid off the barstool with a groan, and as he stumbled past Aloy, she heard him mutter, "Your sister woulda let me stay."

"My sister fucking hated you, you prick," Erend called after him, and when he turned back to Aloy after Dervahl had left, his smile was sheepish.

"Hey, sorry about that. He's an ass and has no idea how to behave in front of a lady."

"Good thing I'm no lady," Aloy replied with a humorless laugh.

Erend grinned. "Eh, like I said, you're pretty enough to be one. Now, what can I do you for?"

"Jack and coke, no ice," she said after a moment of consideration. "On the stronger side."

"Ah, a whisky gal! Woman after my own heart." He pushed off the bar and went to grab a glass, continuing to talk as he poured the liquor. "I see that pack of yours. On your way up to Katahdin?"

"Yup."

"Damn." Erend whistled as he squirted a stream of soda into her glass. "That shit's always impressed the hell out of me. I don't know how you do it, especially all alone."

"I wasn't..." She trailed off as her throat closed up. No. She had to get used to saying it so that she could begin to accept it. "I wasn't alone for the most part."

"Oh yeah?" Erend slapped down a coaster and placed her drink on it. "Where's your hiking buddy? Running errands in town or something?" 

"He is - was my boyfriend," Aloy said softly, wrapping her fingers around the cool glass and staring down into the amber liquid. "Ex-boyfriend now, I guess."

"Sorry to hear that." When she glanced up at him, his face was shining with sympathy and understanding. To her relief, there was none of the pity she had expected. "I wondered what you were doing in here so early. Doesn't seem like the kind of place a girl like you would normally end up in."

"It's not," she chuckled, taking a huge gulp of her drink. The whisky and soda burned like a bitch the whole way down, but when it hit her belly, numbing warmth suffused outward, all the way into her fingertips. Some of that constant ache in her heart was dulled, and Aloy suddenly understood what made people drink.

"Uh-huh." Erend eyed her, and seemed to hesitate before saying, "Look, a word of advice. I see that you're sad right now. Probably hurting a whole lot, huh?"

"No shit," Aloy muttered, taking another sip.

"It's okay to have a drink or two from time to time, but don't start relying on that shit." His expression was serious. "You'll start heading to a very dark place, and some people never get outta that."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Damn right I am." Erend nodded firmly. Reaching behind him, he pulled out his wallet, then a photo inside and held it up for Aloy to examine. It was a picture of him and a woman with short brown hair, her eyes crinkled with mirth. Both were laughing. "See this? This is me and my sister Ersa. This was her place originally, and she was the original captain. I inherited it after she died a year back."

"God, I'm sorry," Aloy groaned, slumping in her seat. "Compared to what you must have gone through...I must look pretty pathetic."

Erend shrugged. "Nah. We all go through different shit, and I don't see a point in turning it into some kind of weird pain contest. You're still hurting bad, and your brain doesn't know the difference."

_Pain is relative, and it barbs at us all in different ways._

Aloy hastily took another swig of her drink.

"My point is, I was in a bad place after Ersa died. Lost my best bud since I was a kid just like that, and was immediately handed the keys to a bar filled with thousands of dollars of hard liquor. I think you can guess what happened next."

"Yeah."

"I don't need to go into any details, because that story is always the same. What ultimately got me out of it, though, is imagining what she'd say to me if she saw my sorry ass like that," he said with a grin. "Probably something like, 'Don't you dare run my life's dream into the ground, you little shit, or I'll come straight down from heaven and whoop your ass so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week.' And it worked, because I loved her and didn't want to become a disappointment, to her or anyone else. Especially the most important person of all: myself. And I'm sure there are people you love and who love you and wouldn't want to see you end up that way."

Teb. Rost, even if he didn't say it. 

And Nil. Who she still loved, who she probably always would love.

"It'll get better," Erend said with an encouraging nod. "Even if it doesn't feel like it right now. One day, you're gonna be okay, so hold on to the ones you care about extra tight."

Aloy stared at him, then nodded slowly, her throat to tight to speak.

The afternoon passed with light conversation and increasingly ridiculous flirting from the bartender, which Aloy eventually realized was to make her laugh. And she did a few times, after another drink. Erend cut her off after that, and by the time the sun had set and the bar was filling up, she was ready to head back to the campground for the night. 

Escorting her to the door, Erend leaned against the frame. "Hey, I don't mean to be too pushy or anything like that, but how would you like to hang out at my place for the evening? I could have Petra over there man the bar."

Aloy blinked, her face warming from the unexpected offer. "Um, you're really sweet Erend, and I really appreciate you talking to me this afternoon, but - "

"Say no more." He held his hands up. "I get it. Couldn't miss the opportunity to take my shot though."

The smile she gave was weak and wavering, but it was real. "I get that." On impulse, she bent forward and wrapped her arms around him in a quick hug, pulling away before he had time to reciprocate. "Thanks again. Seriously. You're a great guy."

Erend's face had gone beat red, but the grin on his face was enormous. "Hey, I think she likes me! But really, you be safe out there, Aloy. And if you're ever in this neck of the woods again..."

"...I'll be sure to stop by and say hi," she finished. With a last wave as a goodbye, she pushed the door open and headed out into the brisk late summer evening.

The afternoon hadn't gone at all the way she would have expected, but it had given her the clarity, determination, and courage to take the next step.

It was time to make a couple of phone calls.

First up was the easier of the two: Teb. While she waited for him to pick up, Aloy loitered on a swing set near the entrance of the state park she was camping in. 

On the fourth ring, he finally answered, and his soothing, warm voice filled her ear. 

"Aloy! How's it going? You haven't called in awhile."

"It's, uh, it's going," she said with a weak laugh. "I'm in Maine now. What are you up to?"

Teb was quiet for a moment, before saying softly, "I'm doing great, but you don't sound like you are. What's up?"

She sighed wearily, shutting her eyes. Really, this was something she should have anticipated. Aloy had never been able to get anything past her old babysitter, even over the phone.

"Sahad and I...we broke up."

It still hadn't gotten any easier to say.

She could hear Teb suck in a breath. "Oh, kiddo. I'm so sorry. I know how much you cared about him. What happened?"

Her grip on her phone tightened. "I left. Several days back. I couldn't - I didn't want to deal with saying goodbye at Katahdin, so I figured I'd cut my losses. It's not a big deal, anyway. It was just a trail fling. Nothing to get worked up about."

More silence, and then, "Trying to convince yourself of that, huh?"

"Teb..." Aloy said throatily. No. She hadn't cried yet, and she wouldn't now. "Yeah. I am."

"And here's a question I have to ask, knowing you: did you even talk about what would happen after the trail?"

Her breath caught. "Well, no, but I assumed - "

"You know what they say about assumptions," Teb shot back. "Aloy, I can't tell you what to do, but as your honorary big brother, I think I've earned the right to give you some strongly worded suggestions." To that, she gave a wet chuckle. "Your first instinct has always been to go after what you want with everything you have, and if you can't get it, you panic and flee. It's like that time I caught you in the middle of sneaking another cookie after dinner, and you bolted out the door and hid in the neighbor's bushes until Rost got home. Remember that?"

"Yeah," she sniffed. "You were going to give me another one anyway since I finished my homework early, but I didn't stop long enough to hear you tell me that."

"Yup. Your single-minded determination is one of your biggest strengths, but it's also your greatest weakness. That tunnel vision you get can prevent you from seeing what's right next to you a lot of the time, and you end up missing what's important. I don't know Sahad, but I read what you wrote me about him in your letters. I listened to you gush about him over the phone, even heard him make you laugh a few times. I think, Aloy, you might have blinded yourself to what's really going on with him. Not intentionally, of course, but I think there's an important piece of the puzzle you're missing in all of this."

Hope wasn't something Aloy thought she'd have or even sure she wanted again, but it sprouted in her heart all the same. The brave new possibility that perhaps things had been deeper than they had appeared on the surface...but she'd have to analyze that, along with the rest of Teb's words later.

"I'll think about it, Teb. But this isn't the reason why I called."

"Oh? Then what's up?"

"I wanted to let you know that I'm going to call Rost."

This time, he was quiet for so long that Aloy had to check to see if he had accidentally hung up on her.

"That's...that's great!" Teb exclaimed eventually. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that."

She chewed on her lip. "Have you spoken with him recently?"

"I have," he confirmed. "I think you'll find that a lot has changed with him over the last few months. But don't let me keep you any longer!"

"All right, all right, no more delaying. Got it," she laughed, finding a scrap of relief in his words. "Thanks, Teb. As always."

"Anytime, kid. Call me when you need me, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

Before she had any time to second guess herself, Aloy scrolled back up her contacts list after she hung up with Teb. A long untouched name glowed at her from her phone, and she allowed herself a single deep breath before pressing the call button.

It only rang once, and then -

"Aloy?" A gruff voice she hadn't known she'd missed this much sounded on the other end of the line, and she had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from crying out.

"You there?"

"Yeah, I...sorry. Hi, Rost."

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" There was only concern present in his tone, and Aloy had to close her eyes to keep the moisture gathering there from falling.

"A lot has happened, but I'm okay, for the most part. Nothing immediately deadly."

"Good. That's good." A pause. "Where are you? Are you...are you going to be coming home soon?"

"I'm in Maine. Only a couple more weeks, and I'll be summiting Mt. Katahdin," she said quietly. "As far as coming home goes...well, that depends on a lot."

Rost sighed heavily, and she braced herself for the incoming lecture. 

But miraculously, it never came.

"I know. I screwed up bad with you, huh? And not just right before you left."

_Now_ Aloy was crying. "Y-yeah. You did. I was so angry when I left. I've been so angry with you for such a long time."

"Nothing I didn't deserve," Rost said matter-of-factly, and she let loose a pained, choked laugh.

"Wow, okay, who are you and what did you do with Rost?"

"I'm still me, but hopefully a better version. I'm just sorry it took you running away for me to see what I'd done to you."

"I do want to come home," Aloy whispered. "I miss you."

"And there will be a place for you here," he promised. "Your old room, your bow, all of your old things...I've kept it neat and tidy for you."

A sob tore from her. "Thank you. I wasn't sure if you would even keep anything."

Another sigh. "I guess I deserved that one too. I'd never get rid of your stuff, Aloy. I did that once before, a long time ago, and I've regretted it ever since."

She knew exactly what he was referring to, but he'd never spoken about his wife and daughter so openly before. In that moment, she knew that he wasn't just saying the right things to get her to come back. Rost, as hard as it was to believe, _was_ actually changing. And just like that, the hope that she had been trying desperately to hold back poured into her in a torrent so intense it left her gasping.

Nil may be gone, but she still had Rost. She still had Teb. She could go home and pick up the pieces of her life and work towards a brighter future. Like Erend had said, it would all be okay. She could believe in that now.

They talked for a little while longer, Aloy swinging gently beneath the waxing gibbous moon, much the way she had as a little girl. And when she finally hung up, when she packed up her gear the following morning, that hope remained. It carried her through several more days, it was with her when she thought over the span of her and Nil's relationship and finally saw everything as it was without her own insecurities blinding her. In particular, the way he had spoken, many times, alluding to a future for them.

_Careful, Aloy. I'm really getting used to having you around like this._

_I'm going to do everything I can from now on to keep that smile on your face, I promise._

_My greatest hope is that you one day see yourself for all that you are and that I get to be there to see that moment too._

_I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, if that's where you decided to go._

A few days later, she found the hiker's logbook in Moxie Bald Lean-To and breathlessly flipped it open to the last used page. There, in Nil's perfect handwriting, was a note addressed to her, and despite the late hour and the threatening rumble of an oncoming storm, Aloy knew what she had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this early because, as usual, I am impatient. 
> 
> Next chapter's the big one. See yinz Sunday! (Or earlier, who knows at this point)


	19. False Lead

**False Lead** – It looks like the trail, smells like the trail, and for a while it seems like you're on the trail...but you actually followed the false lead off the true trail.

\--

_September 18th, 2010_

A sickening swell of guilt and longing roiled in Aloy's belly as her fingertips brushed over the words written so precisely in the hiker's book. 

_For my Seeker -_

_Your body is away from me_  
_but there is a window open_  
_from my heart to yours._

_From this window, like the moon_  
_I keep sending news secretly._

_–"The Window", by Rumi_

_If you ever want to come back, I'll always welcome you with open arms. If not, know how much everything you've done has meant to me._

_Because of you, I learned what it felt like to hope for a future. You saved my life, and I'll never forget that._

_Nil_

Hot tears of shame welled up uncontrollably in Aloy's eyes. She snapped the book shut and glanced about wildly, as if Nil was still there or could somehow manifest before her. When he obviously didn't appear, she threw the log book back into its container and sealed it as quickly as she could. As shaky as they were, her fingers fumbled over the buckles of her pack, but she still managed to get them snapped together in record time. Without another wasted second, Aloy darted back on to the trail - and hopefully towards Nil.

She knew she was wasting energy. She knew this wasn't the smartest choice. She knew she should stay at the shelter and buckle down for the oncoming storm. But for once in her life, Aloy didn't give a damn about what was smart or best for her. Chasing after Nil was what her heart was telling her was right, and above all, what she needed. So even though her muscles screamed their protest with every hard footfall, she pressed on into the darkening woods. Another growl of thunder sounded, this time closer than before.

Although he was fast, he couldn't have gotten too far ahead of her - they had only parted a couple of weeks ago, after all. Her eyes scanned frantically through the unsettled, shifting trees even as she kept on jogging, searching for any sign of the bright nylon fabric of Nil's tent. Once again, Aloy cursed his avoidance of the shelters along the trail and his need to camp separately from others. 

A snarl of lighting arced through the sky, and seconds later the heavens opened up. Spitting out a variety of colorful expletives, many of them picked up from the object of her search, she continued on even as thick, fat raindrops beat down on to her and blurred her vision. Or maybe it was already that way from the tears that were finally falling, hot and fast, now mingling with the rain. With a feral yell, Aloy swiped her forearm over her face furiously, clearing them as much as she could.

" _Fuck_!" she screamed out into the darkening sky. With a strangled sob, she buried her face in her hands and crouched low the the ground. It was useless. This whole thing was stupid, she'd never find him, she should've stayed at the shelter for the night -

Startling her from her spiraling thoughts, a burly arm wrapped itself around her waist and hauled her up. With a relieved sigh, she leaned back into the warm body behind her. 

"Nil, thank God. I was looking for you - "

But then the arm tightened into a painful vice grip, choking off her words.

"Caught you, little rabbit."

Aloy's stomach dropped straight to her feet while bile simultaneously rose to her throat. She had only heard that chillingly calm voice once before, but she'd never forget it. Her breath quickening, she angled her head around haltingly until she caught a glimpse of eyes so like Nil's, yet so terrifyingly different.

_No_. 

Helis.

Adrenaline spiked with fear roared through her veins, and with a defiant shout, Aloy began to struggle against him. Helis gave a light chuckle, shaking his head in cold amusement while he dragged her off into the trees as if she were nothing more than a tiny, mewling kitten.

"Don't fight fate, Aloy. That's your name, right?"

Instead of responding, she began to scream at the top of her lungs, desperation curdling like spoiled milk in her gut. A swift blow to her head cut her vocalizations short, leaving her gasping and reeling. The edges of her vision greyed out, but Aloy fought with everything she had to stay conscious.

"You know, I was beginning to think that the sun had turned its back on me," Helis said conversationally. "Before, it had always lead me to ample prey to take for myself. When it so generously gifted me with you, I was certain you would be my crowning jewel, a true challenge. You're stronger than most, with a fire burning in your eyes."

Spinning her around at a dizzying clip, he shoved her against a dead tree, pinning her to the jagged bark before she could even think to escape. An unnaturally wide grin stretched his lips, and at that moment, Aloy knew she was probably going to die out here in the rain and cold. But that didn't mean she had to go down without a fight. Keeping her eyes trained on his, she inched her fingers down carefully and gradually towards her pocket.

"Go fuck yourself," she hissed. 

Helis ignored her, continuing on as if in a dream-like trance. "I dogged your every step, came so close to you at times I could have reached out and claimed you." That eerie grin grew hateful. "But then, just as you were within my grasp, you hopped into bed with that man, forgetting who truly owned you."

"No one owns me, least of all you," Aloy spat. Her fingertips were just barely brushing over the seam of her pocket now. "If Nil were here, he'd fucking kill you, and you know it."

Helis gave a mirthful chuckle. "But he's not here, Aloy. You were predictably foolish and left his side. Don't you see?"

His free hand shot to her throat, instantly cutting off her flow of air. A last wheeze exited her, dissipating into the rain-soaked air. Her utility knife was just within her reach, but Aloy couldn't seem to focus enough to wrap her fingers around it. As her vision began to wink out around the edges, all she could think about were muggy summer mornings, waking to warm silver eyes and an endearingly crooked smile. 

_I'm so sorry,_ she thought hazily, tears dripping freely down her face as her consciousness began to fade. _I wanted to find you again._

"The sun always delivers," Helis whispered softly, like one would to a lover. "And now, I will reap its rewards."

"Let her go, or this knife is going straight into your back."

Blessed, sweet air filled Aloy's lungs as Helis' grip on her abruptly loosened, his head whipping towards the source of that painfully familiar voice. A sputtering cough wracked her lungs, but she was able to steady herself enough to plunge her hand in her pocket and yank out her own knife. With a snarl, she flipped it open and buried it straight into her captor's shoulder.

"Aloy! By me!"

An animalistic howl tore from the brutish man, and both of his hands instinctively flew up to grab at the blade, releasing her in the process. Twisting out from beneath him nimbly, Aloy bolted past him and straight at Nil, who looked more relieved and furious than she'd ever seen him. With a choked cry, she slammed into him, and he squeezed her in a brief but crushingly tight hug before pushing her behind him. His eyes remained riveted to Helis the entire time.

" _You_ ," Helis seethed, taking a single, lumbering step towards then. He ripped the knife in his shoulder out and tossed it aside as if it were nothing more than a tiny splinter. "I'll admit it - you've proven yourself worthy of respect. I see in you a kindred spirit."

"There's not a single fucking atom of me that's like you," Nil retorted with a sneer. 

"Liar. I saw you that day," Helis said, a wild laugh spilling from him when Nil visibly tensed up. "Oh, yes, you were very right. I was there, watching you from the shadows of the trees. I saw how you almost sank your blade into her guts, how you almost claimed her for yourself. Why, I almost intervened to keep you from taking what was mine!"

"I would _never_ harm her," Nil said lowly, certainty so thick in his tone that Aloy had to gulp back a fresh round of tears. "I made a promise to myself a long time ago that not matter how warped I got, I'd never become a sick fuck like you. I've upheld that oath since."

"Enough talk," Helis snapped, taking another step towards them. "Give her to me."

Nil pushed her back even further.

"Aloy," he said softly, his voice barely carrying over the rushing wind and rain. "You need to run, little huntress. When he starts heading this way, run as fast as you can to the ranger's station and have them call the police."

"No." Aloy gripped at his arm so tightly her knuckles turned white. "No, Sahad, I'm not leaving you here with him - "

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll be able to hold him off," Nil said, angling his head back and giving her a small, encouraging smile. "I'm so happy I got to see you again. I love you."

Aloy only stared back at him, cold numbness spreading throughout her body. There was no way she could even begin to think of leaving Nil, not when it could mean his death, and her limbs locked up with indecision.

Meanwhile, Helis had begun pacing back and forth agitatedly, gripping at his head and muttering to himself. It only took a few more moments for his patience to apparently run out, because he shook his head abruptly and began to move slowly towards them, his footfalls squelching wetly in the muddy ground.

"Not another step," Nil warned, lowering himself further into a crouch. "You don't have to do this - "

"She was promised, and I was chosen!" Helis screamed, a violent clap of thunder backing his words. "If this is another test, if I must claim both of you, then so be it!"

Breaking out into a sprint, Helis barreled towards them. Startled out of her indecision, Aloy skittered back several feet, watching in mute horror as the two men crashed into each other. Although Nil was equipped with a knife and by no means small, Helis was unusually enormous. They grappled for a few seconds, but it was clear that Nil was quickly becoming overwhelmed by the murderer's raw strength. No matter the angle he swung his knife, Helis managed to expertly dodge the blade every single time.

Catching Nil's wrist in his hand, Helis squeezed until he screamed and loosened his grip on his knife. The weapon tumbled to the ground, and Aloy heard herself yell in shocked fury.

_No, no, no!_

With a feral cry of triumph, Helis tackled Nil to the earth, immediately wrapping his fingers around her lover's neck. Still, he managed to fight just enough to angle his head her way.

"Aloy," he wheezed, panic and desperation widening his eyes. " _Go_!"

Resolve solidified in Aloy, her path forward crystalizing in an instant. Without taking another second to think her plan through, she shot forward like a bullet towards the men. Dipping down on her way, she picked up the rain-slick knife, keeping her grip firm and steady. 

Her target narrowed within her sights, Aloy fell to her knees and made the cut. It was almost funny how simple it was - a precise, hard slash across the back of Helis' left thigh, severing vital tendon and muscle, and the deed was done. An inhuman wail rose from him, and he let go of Nil in an instant, who sprang to his feet gasping and coughing. But he had been a soldier, trained to keep pushing through even in the most difficult of situations, and Aloy threw aside the knife to grab his hand. Together, they broke out into a wild run, back on to the trail and towards the ranger's station she remembered seeing signs for. 

They didn't speak or stop until they slammed into the wooden door of the park ranger office, pounding and screaming until it was yanked open by a very harried woman with tightly braided blonde hair.

Aloy's frantic gaze fell to the badge on her shirt, her sense of relief growing even more overwhelming as she read the words on it: _Maine Dept of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife_ \- and beneath that - _Game Warden_.

The woman's eyes were sharp, and her irritated expression grew serious when her eyes flicked to Aloy's hands, still coated in a spray of Helis' blood.

"What's going on here?"

It was Nil who stepped forward, having regained his breath enough to speak first.

"We're thru-hikers, ma'am. Names are Aloy Sobeck and Sahad Argent. A man just assaulted her near the lean-to and is currently bleeding out because Aloy here hamstringed him with my combat knife. You're going to want to call for backup and an ambulance."

Nil's voice was remarkably measured but chock full of pride as he spoke, his eyes flitting to Aloy more than once.

To her credit, the game warden was taken aback for only the briefest of moments, before she muttered a curse under her breath and rushed off towards the landline phone affixed to the wall. 

It was only then that Aloy allowed herself to sag tiredly against her boyfriend. His arm wrapped around her waist tightly, half holding her up while he pressed his face into her damp hair.

"That was fucking stupid, Aloy," he muttered, squeezing her tighter.

"I wasn't about to leave you to die," she sniped back, but her voice was drenched with exhaustion and lacked any true bite. "You would've done the same for me."

A pause, and then Aloy felt him huff a laugh. "You're right. I would have. I should know better with you by now."

Biting at her lip, Aloy asked, "Sahad...how did you find me? Of course I'm grateful, but - "

"I never once let you out of my sight," Nil interrupted, tightening his hold on her even further. "I had a bad feeling about what happened back in Hanover, so I've been shadowing you this entire time, sweetheart. I had set up camp about a couple of miles ahead of the shelter and was settling in for the night, but then I heard you screaming over the rain."

Frustration stung at Aloy. "Goddamnit, I was so close to finding you. I saw the poem you left for me in the hiker's book and booked it up the trail."

"Also a stupid decision, little huntress," Nil said, but his words were less reprimanding and more resigned. "Not only is it storming, but it's fall in Maine. At night. You could have gotten lost and easily succumbed to hypothermia."

"But I didn't," she said, curling her own arm around him and gazing up at him. "You found me."

"You have no idea how afraid I was that I wouldn't make it in time," he said quietly. "You were screaming so loudly, and then everything went silent. All I could think was 'not again, I can't lose anyone else.'"

"I'm right here, Sahad," Aloy whispered, pulling him entirely into her embrace. "I'm okay. We both are, and we're together again."

Nil gave one great, shuddering breath before leaning into her. "Yeah. We are." 

It was at that moment that the warden finished making her phone calls and came striding back over to the pair, her face drawn taut.

"Have a seat here," she said, gesturing to a couple of nearby office chairs. "I'm going to head out, and hopefully backup should be here shortly."

Anxiety seized at Aloy. "He's really dangerous. I'm not sure going alone is a good idea."

Raising an eyebrow, the woman asked, "Is he armed?"

Aloy shook her head.

With a grim smile, the game warden patted at a leather holster on her belt. "Well, I am. Thanks for the concern, but doubt I'll run into any trouble."

Grabbing her jacket, she eyed the two cautiously. "And stay here. I'm sure the police are going to want to have a word with you two."

"Thank you, ma'am," Nil piped up with a nod. "We'll be right here when you get back."

Aloy thanked her lucky stars that the ranger's station had a bathroom, and Nil and her took turns cleaning off the mud and blood spatter that coated them both. Although she was nowhere near clean, she at least could no longer be considered truly disgusting, and the sight of her marginally neater reflection was a bit of a morale boost. When the warden (whose name they learned was Nakoa) returned, it was with an entourage of police officers and, surprisingly, their packs. As exhausted as she was, Aloy knew she was in for a long night, and it wasn't long until her and Nil were separated and guided to different patrol cars to be taken into town. As she was being led away by a stern-faced female officer, Nil shot her a reassuring smile, and it calmed her nerves just slightly.

As it turned out, police interviews took an enormous amount of time. Upon her arrival at the station, Aloy was placed in an blank-walled interrogation room. The officers at least had the courtesy to offer her a cup of coffee, and as shitty and as bitter as it was, she gulped it down greedily, desperate for any source of energy. Her neck had begun to ache fiercely, ringed in darkening bruises from Helis' assault, and she rubbed at them absentmindedly while her thoughts drifted over everything and nothing. When the detective finally entered the room sometime later, he looked as exhausted as she felt.

Reaching over the table, he offered her his hand, and she shook it firmly. 

"Aloy Sobeck? I'm Detective Marad Ismat. I'll be interviewing you this evening."

"I'd say it's nice to meet you, but I don't think either of us wants to be here right now," Aloy said archly. Marad's lips twitched the slightest bit.

"Well, you're in luck, Ms. Sobeck," he said, settling neatly in the seat across from her. "The bastard already confessed to everything on his way to the hospital. Seemed proud of it too."

"I'm not surprised," Aloy muttered.

The detective coughed out a humorless laugh. "Yes, well, we've been trying to nab him for a long time. He's potentially responsible for over thirty unsolved murders and missing persons cases on the Appalachian Trail over the past fifteen years. You were very lucky."

She dug her fingernails into the styrofoam of her cup, distantly pleased by the crescent-shaped marks they made. "I know. We both were."

"You'll be reunited with Mr. Argent soon enough," Marad said, opening the file in front of him. "We just need your account of events, from the first time you met the suspect up until your assault."

So Aloy told him, her words pinched and monotone. And then he asked her to tell the story again, and again, until her throat was on fire and her voice was hoarse. Next came the questions, often rephrased and repeated, and Aloy began to feel like a record player more than a human being. When the clock hit midnight and the day turned over, she began to wonder if she was stuck in some kind of hellish purgatory. Aloy had never been religious, but if it meant getting out of here, she'd pray to every god or goddess that had ever existed.

Finally, after an eternity had passed, Marad put his pen down and closed the manilla folder in front of him with a slight smile.

"Well, I'm satisfied. I think that'll be all, Ms. Sobeck."

"Thank fuck," Aloy groaned, slumping in her seat. 

Marad chuckled then, and reached out for a parting handshake. Aloy eyed his offered hand distastefully, but shook it anyway.

"You're likely going to be expected to give testimony in court, but that's far from tonight," he said, his voice kinder than it had been all night. "Come with me. Mr. Argent is in the waiting room."

At the prospect of being reunited with Nil, Aloy eagerly jumped to her feet and followed after the detective through the winding hallways of the police station. The last door opened, and she barely registered Marad's request that she call him if she remembered anything else, because her eyes were all for Nil. He stood with open arms, and she ran to him, burying herself in the safety and comfort of his broad embrace.

"There you are, sweetheart," he breathed, running his hands over her back. "I thought you'd never get out of there."

Slight annoyance pricked at Aloy. "How did you get done so quickly?"

She felt Nil shrug. "Respect for a veteran, I suppose. My detective was former Navy."

"Fantastic. Can we leave now?" Aloy moaned, thumping her head against his chest. "I feel like I want to pass out for the next week."

"Good for you, I called a cab when the secretary told me you'd be out soon," he said, gripping at her shoulders and tugging her away from him gently so he could lean down to pick up their bags. "And it just so happens I booked us a hotel room for the next week exactly."

Aloy heaved a relieved sigh, and that was when Nil's phone buzzed with a text. Pulling it out of his pocket, he glanced down at it then back up at her. Shooting her a far too cheery grin, he reached down to grab his free hand in hers.

"Your chariot awaits, milady," he said grandly, and Aloy would have shoved him if she didn't feel like the effort would cause her to keel over. She settled instead for rolling her eyes, but a smile grew on her lips anyway.

After a fairly uneventful ride curled up together in the backseat and a blessedly silent cab driver, they pulled up Nil's chosen hotel, and as he helped her out of the car, Aloy eyed him skeptically.

"What?" Nil asked mildly, heading towards the trunk to grab their things.

"What is it with you and expensive hotels?"

Laughing, Nil urged her towards the brightly-lit lobby. "I think we've earned this one, little huntress. If you won't let me spoil you after almost being murdered, then will I ever be allowed to?"

"No," she muttered petulantly. 

When they finally finished checking in and reached their room, Aloy couldn't help the moan of pure bliss that escaped her at the sight before her. An enormous king-sized bed, perfectly plush and covered in what must have been the fluffiest pillows known to man, the comforter folded over invitingly and just begging for her to dive into its sweet embrace. Nil closed the door with a soft click, and Aloy leaned back into him when he came up behind her and circled his arms around her waist.

"Okay, fine. I've decided I'll let you spoil me, just this once."

"I thought you'd come around," Nil murmured, pressing a kiss to her neck. "Did you want to clean up first, or just go straight to bed?"

With a wide yawn, Aloy separated from him. "As much as I'd like to sleep, I should really get a shower first."

"So should I," Nil sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. "Unless...hold on."

He strode past her and pushed open the door to the bathroom, and it wasn't long before Aloy heard the muted sounds of running water echoing over tile. Curious, she followed after him, tilting her head when she saw him drawing a bath in the sizeable tub. Nil shot her a sly grin.

"This way, we can both clean up with no effort required."

When the tub was full, Aloy slipped out of her filthy clothes while Nil climbed in and got comfortable. As she joined him, she had to bite back a groan - the water was the perfect temperature, almost too hot to stand. Her boyfriend pulled her back against his chest, and she closed her eyes with a quiet sigh as the warmth from the water and his body eased the aches in her muscles and her heart.

After awhile of simply basking and dozing together, Nil spoke up, his voice soft and tentative.

"Promise me something, Aloy."

"Hm?"

"Don't run off like that again. I'll always follow you, but I'd prefer it if you stayed by my side from now on."

Craning her head towards him, she cracked open an eye. "Sahad, we're nearly done. Just another week and we'll be at Mt. Katahdin. I don't even have _time_ to run off again, not after such a huge delay and with the end of the season so close."

"Never again," he said, his voice strangled with emotion. "Not now, or in the future."

"Okay," she whispered, finding his hand beneath the water and giving it a firm squeeze. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So?? How are we feeling? 
> 
> See yinz on Thursday for the final chapter, then after that, the epilogue!!


	20. Home Free

**Home Free** – Literally, without a home; also: so close to reaching trail's end that you're already there.

-

_September 19th - October 5th, 2010_

When Aloy eased back into consciousness the next day and reluctantly opened her eyes, she found Nil already awake and gazing at her with so much open affection that it made her chest ache. Their hands lay clasped between them, his thumb rubbing lazy circles over her knuckles.

"Hi," he murmured.

"Hi," Aloy breathed back.

Giving her hand a last squeeze, his fingers drifted over to the arch of her neck, ghosting over where she knew some wicked bruises were forming from their encounter with Helis the night before.

"How do you feel?"

Aloy's first reaction was to let out a soft laugh. "Fine, all things considered." Squinting against the cheery light shining into their room from the gaps in the curtains, she frowned. "What time is it?"

"Afternoon." Nil had pulled his hand away, cradling it to his chest as though it had been wounded. "It doesn't matter anyway. We both needed the rest."

"Yeah," Aloy sighed. Not wanting to be without her boyfriend's touch for another second longer, she scooted across the bed towards him.

He froze.

"Sahad?" She reached out to touch him, but he tensed up even more, so she dropped her hand. "What's wrong?"

"Aloy, do you really want this? Me?" Nil asked quietly. 

"Of course I do," Aloy replied, confused. "I thought I made that clear last night."

"You left me, and that seemed pretty final." He sucked in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. "As for last night...those were unusual circumstances. Anything you said or did, I won't hold you to it. You're free to go whenever you'd like."

Aloy was silent for a moment as the full weight of her actions sank in - the guilt, the regret, how absolutely stupid and selfish she had been. Fear had been the driving force in all of her actions, and she was sick of being afraid. She was tired of running. Nil had brought her far more happiness than she had ever dreamed she could find in another person, and even what she suspected and thought over during her time alone was totally wrong, even if they were to part at the end...it was worth it. Having these precious moments of being connected to another person would stay with her the rest of her life, even if just as a cherished memory. 

So with all of the conviction she had in her heart, she reached out to Nil again, skimming her fingers over the rough stubble on his jaw. This time, he didn't flinch away. Aloy propped herself up on an elbow, leaned over, and kissed him.

A broken, wounded noise tore from him, his arms wrapped around her, and he crushed her to his chest so hard that Aloy broke the kiss with a startled gasp. But Nil immediately began to press his lips to hers over and over again, not giving her any time to speak like she wanted to. Still both naked from the night before, his body melded to hers, skin to skin, their legs tangling together. 

"I love you," he choked out, his voice like broken glass. "I love you so much, sweetheart. Being without you was hell, and the fact that you almost died, I can't - "

"I'm so sorry, Sahad," Aloy whispered, her gut roiling sickeningly. "This is all my fault."

"No." His hold on her tightened until it was nearly painful. "Don't you dare, Aloy. Nothing that happened was your fault. _None of it_. All right?"

"I - okay. But I'm still sorry." She held his gaze unwaveringly. "Leaving you the way I did was wrong. I left because I was afraid, but that didn't make it right."

"I knew you were," Nil said, a bitter smile twisting his lips. "I could tell that much. But in all of my time thinking over what happened that morning, I couldn't figure out exactly why. I thought it was because of me and my issues, but last night obviously proved that wrong."

It was now or never. Aloy steeled herself before admitting, "I was afraid of having to say goodbye at Katahdin. I thought that if I left then, it would hurt less, and I know how stupid that was, because ending things with you tore me apart anyway." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore, though. Even if you don't want to stay together after the trail, I want to enjoy every last second of our time together and go home happy that it happened at all."

Nil went as still as stone. Aloy was afraid she had said the wrong thing, and her heart began to sink. But then he began to shake, and when she looked up, she realized it was because he was _laughing_.

"Um...?"

"I'm sorry, it's just," Nil gasped, "we were both so _stupid_. Aloy, sweetheart, I never intended to go back to living in Pennsylvania. I was planning on moving to Colorado Springs. I already found my own place and everything. I just assumed that you knew that was the plan, or at least something like it."

There it was. In a few short sentences, all of her insecurities, all of the lies she had told herself to protect herself, they were all crushed in an instant. But she had to be certain.

"You really want to stay? With me?"

"I told you once that I'd follow you to the ends of the earth," he said somberly. "I meant that literally."

Some of Aloy's joy faded, giving way to shame, and she stared down at her hands miserably. "If I had just asked..."

"If you had just asked, and if I had been more clear. I know." Nil draped an arm over her shoulders, pulling her to him. "This is on both of us. It's something we need to work on going forward if this relationship is to work. From now on, we need to be as open as possible with each other. No more hiding feelings, no more assuming the other's intentions. Open, honest communication only."

"That doesn't come easy to me, but I'll do all that I can," Aloy promised fervently. "I want this, you, more than anything I've ever wanted in my life."

He was smiling so brightly when he pressed her back down into the sheets that Aloy fell just a little more in love with him, if that was even possible. Nil was her boyfriend for real, here to stay through thick and thin. As hard as it was to believe, he would be coming home with her at the end, and from there they would begin a real life together.

"I think, if we can do that," he whispered, brushing his nose over hers, "then this will work out beautifully."

\--

After a week resting, healing, and simply delighting in existing with one another, Nil and Aloy were ready to tackle the hundred mile wilderness - the final sprint to Mt. Katahdin.

It was supposed to be one of the most difficult portions of the trail due to the rugged, unstable mountain terrain and the lack of civilization, but for Aloy, it was the easiest stretch yet. With Nil by her side, there was nothing on earth that she couldn't accomplish.

Fall had always been her favorite season, and the famous New England foliage was beyond compare. It was a wonderland of yellows, reds, and oranges, a riot of rich colors fanned out over the mountains, as if nature herself had dressed up in her finest in celebration for their upcoming triumph. The bite in the air was welcome after the long, hot summer and imbued both hikers with an energy unlike any other. Nil would often grip Aloy's hands and dance with her over the trail, singing and spinning her along with the leaves carried by the wind until she was laughing and begging him to stop so she could conserve her breath.

Nights were even more precious, full of good food, poetry, and lovemaking - and then a little more poetry of Nil's own, whispered lovingly in Aloy's ear until sleep claimed her. There was plenty of talking, too; after she told him about her phone call with Rost, Nil admitted that he had called his father as well and mended things between them. In the event that their relationship had truly ended, he would have a home and a real support system to go back to. Pride had overcome her, for both of them. Their two weeks alone had been torturous on both ends, but good things had still somehow come from it. When she had asked when she might meet his dad, Nil had winced but offered to introduce them when they stopped in Pennsylvania to sort through and ship his meager belongings to Colorado. 

On October 4th, just days before it closed for the season, mighty Mt. Katahdin stood before them. No longer a bleak reminder that this was the end, it was now a symbol of the start of their future together. With a grin so big it hurt, Aloy bolted forward to race Nil to the top.

The summit was more breathtaking than Aloy could ever have dared dream. Miles upon miles of shimmering bodies of water and vibrant grasslands and craggy hills spread out before her like a patchwork quilt, the veil of haziness from their elevation making the landscape appear more fantasy than reality. In that moment, all of the trials, all of the struggling she had gone through to reach this point became more than worth it. An enormous grin stretched her mouth, and with a wild cry, she leapt into the air.

In exactly six months, she had completed the Appalachian Trail. Aloy Sobeck was now officially a 2000-Miler, her name to be added to a list of the thousands who had made this journey before her.

Beside her, Nil laughed, a clear and joyful sound. She turned to face the man she loved, some of the exuberance melting from her features when she looked him over.

"We've done it," she breathed. "I can't believe...just like that, it's over."

"It is," Nil said, dipping his head in affirmation. His grey eyes were distant as he stared past her, out on to the sunlit earth below. "This journey, at least."

Her grin remained, but her voice was soft when she said, "Sahad...I want you to know how much sharing this with you has meant to me."

Nil's hand caught hers, and he intertwined their fingers, bringing them to his lips. "Our time together has been everything to me, Aloy. You've brought me so much light after a life spent mostly in the shadows."

"Leave it to you to make this poetic," she teased, although his words touched her as deeply as they always did.

Nil threw her a sly smirk. "Oh, that was just the start of it. I can do you one better, I think."

Before she could ask what he meant, Nil was dropping her hand and reaching back to a side pocket in his pack. 

From it, he pulled a velvety, black box, and all Aloy could do was stare, disbelieving, as he wriggled out of his pack and then kneeled on the stone of the mountain.

Cracking open the box and holding it out to her, Nil said simply, "Marry me, Aloy."

Inside was the most perfect ring she had ever seen, and Aloy wasn't exactly a fine jewelry person. The band was yellow gold twisted artfully into curling leaves dotted with tiny diamonds, and they were embracing a perfect, round little emerald. 

When Aloy didn't respond, still frozen in shock, Nil added nervously, "I'm okay with as long of an engagement as you need, just so you know. And if you preferred something different, we can go look together. But I figured you might like something more streamlined. Vanasha said - "

Sudden realization hit her, and Aloy blurted, "Whoa, wait up - _this_ is what you were doing that day in Boiling Springs? With Uthid, Vanasha and Janeva?"

A smirk settled over her lips, and he seemed to relax. "Guilty as charged."

"That was so long ago, too," Aloy whispered wonderingly. "You had this planned even then, didn't you?"

"I knew I wanted to be with you from nearly the time we met, Aloy." He gazed at her seriously, just a hint of softness at the corners of his eyes. "But I think I knew I wanted to stay by your side forever the night you saw the worst of me and accepted it all. I figured that even if you said no, it was a symbol of hope for the future."

Biting at her lip, Aloy blurted out, "Yes."

Those beautiful silver eyes widened. "Yes? Yes, as in, you'll marry me?"

Nodding vigorously, Aloy squeaked as he jumped to his feet and enclosed her fully in his embrace and lifted her off the ground. His chest vibrated against her as he laughed, more loudly and more boisterously than she had ever heard. It was such a lovely sound, she couldn't help but join in, peels of laughter spilling from her like champagne bubbles until her stomach ached from it. Somewhere in between it all, he managed to wrestle the ring onto the proper finger.

Nil's lips pressed to her face over and over again while he eased her back down - her forehead, her nose, her cheeks - until finally landing on her own. The kiss felt like an affirmation and a promise, firm but with an edge of tenderness that had her heart aching in her chest. It had been a couple of weeks since they had reunited, and Aloy still couldn't quite believe that they weren't parting here, that their story wasn't over - in truth, the next chapter had only just begun and looked brighter than ever, and the overwhelming potential of their future together had her reeling.

"I love you, sweetheart," Nil murmured against her lips when they finally separated. "I'm sorry I ever gave you reason to doubt that. I promise I'm going to spend the rest of forever making it up to you."

Aloy blinked back tears, resting her forehead against his. "I love you too."

"Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear. Are your trail names Seeker and Nil?"

The newly engaged couple parted enough to glance at the owner of the voice, a politely smiling man dressed in similar gear to their own.

"Uh, yeah," Aloy said. "We are. Why?"

The man gave a short but joyful laugh and clapped his hands together. "My goodness, this is wonderful!"

Nil narrowed his eyes as he slowly looked the man over. "Do we know you from somewhere?"

"Forgive my rudeness. My name is Namman - Father Namman, actually," he said, dipping his head in greeting. "I've been behind you on the trail this entire time, and I've been reading your entries in the hiker's books."

Keen embarrassment rose up in Aloy. "Uh, yeah, those - "

"Were truly inspiring," Namman interjected, his eyes gleaming. "You see, I lost my brother recently, and to watch your love story unfold, to read about two people finding each other out here...it was truly a miracle, and it gave me a great deal of comfort on nights where my grief became too much. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for documenting that."

Aloy shared a meaningful glance with Nil, then nodded at Namman. "I'm glad we did, then."

"Hey, man, no problem," Nil said, holding out a hand for the priest to shake. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Would you mind taking a picture of us?" asked Nil, tugging his phone out of his pocket and holding it up. "I'd like to remember this."

After showing Namman how to use the camera on his particular phone model, Aloy's new fiance wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her to his side. Her head automatically fell to his shoulder, and she circled both of her arms around him in turn. They held still until the priest finished and gave them a cheery thumbs up. 

"Congratulations to both of you," Namman said, handing the phone back to Nil. "And God bless."

As they watched him walk away, Nil showed her the image and smirked. "Aw, aren't we adorable?"

She had to admit that it was a pretty good picture, and then something occured to her. With an excited gasp, Aloy pulled her own phone out, flipping back through her gallery of plants, animals, and other interesting things she had seen along her journey, until she found it.

"Look," she said softly, holding it up for him. "I took this on Springer Hill, on my first day. You can see my shoes. Pretty big difference, huh?"

"Oh yeah. Those shoes are worn out, and you gained an entire me."

With a roll of her eyes, Aloy leaned into him, and they took a few more minutes to bask in their shared victory and stare out over the land they had conquered.

"Well, I think it's about time for us to leave too," Nil said after awhile.

"Yeah," Aloy sighed, stealing one more glance behind her at the spectacular view. "Ready to go home?"

Nil smiled at her, then leaned forward to brush his lips over her forehead. "That's the thing, Aloy. I already am home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left. It's been a hell of a journey!


	21. Epilogue

Epilogue

_April 2nd, 2012_

"Sahad, come on," Aloy laughed, pushing her fiancé away. "You know we have to meet with the wedding planner in like, twenty minutes!"

"Mm, maybe we should reschedule," Nil purred, raining heated kissing along the slope of her shoulder. "We could just elope instead."

"You know our friends, and more importantly _Rost_ would never forgive us for that," Aloy said matter-of-factly, finally wresting herself from his grasp. "Now, _come on_. Put on your damn shoes."

Nil sighed, spreading his arms and gazing up at the ceiling mournfully. "I am a man alone in the world, unloved and unwanted - _oof_!"

Aloy had shoved his boots against his stomach, and she stuck her tongue out. "You're very much loved and wanted, as obnoxious as you are."

A bright, beaming grin lit up her fiancé's face, and Aloy couldn't help but smile back. So much had changed in the past year and a half, and it was miraculously all for the better. If someone had told her two years ago she'd be engaged, perpetual loner Aloy Sobeck would've laughed in their face. But Nil being in her life had made it all the richer, and she studied him thoughtfully while he laced up his boots.

When she had originally flown back to Colorado with Nil in tow, Rost had been less than enthused. Although him and Aloy had begun to work out their issues, her bringing back a fiancé had nearly caused an incident in the airport lobby. The way Nil had introduced himself certainly hadn't helped. Aloy winced as she thought back on it.

_"Hi, you must be Rost," Nil said, reaching out to grip the older man's hand in a firm handshake. "I'm Sahad Argent, Aloy's fiancé."_

_Aloy had never seen Rost go quite that shade of purple before, and he dropped Nil's hand like it was a dead fish._

_"Her what?" he gritted out, his eyes ablaze as they landed on Aloy._

_"Uh, yeah," Aloy laughed weakly, giving her best attempt at a smile. "So, Rost, it looks like we have a lot to talk about..."_

It had taken time and loads of patience (not to mention pleading on Aloy's part), but Rost had eventually warmed up to Nil. It didn't hurt that he had essentially saved her from being murdered by a deranged serial killer - although Aloy would argue that they had technically saved each other. Helping matters even more was their shared love of hiking and archery, and after a couple of weekend bow hunting trips with the two of them, Aloy had been relieved to find the two men talking quietly and peacefully outside of her tent one chilly spring morning. After that, Rost didn't make anymore biting remarks about Nil - in fact, he seemed almost fond of him, not that he'd ever admit that.

As for herself and Rost...well, Aloy couldn't complain. He made more of an effort to be present in her life and really listen to her feelings and frustrations about how he had raised her. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start, and Aloy was hopeful that, in time, their relationship would heal entirely.

She knew things were really going to be different when, after the initial shock of Aloy coming back engaged had faded, Rost had pulled her aside and surprised her by engulfing her in one of his rare, enormous hugs.

"I'm glad you're home, kiddo," he had muttered against her hair. "Even if it's with...baggage."

Aloy had to shoot Nil a sharp look when he smirked and went to open his mouth to respond. 

Mere weeks after coming home, Aloy managed to secure a job at a progressive environmental engineering firm in Denver, and the position fit her like a glove. After feeling aimless for so long, having her work make a real impact on the world filled a hole in her she hadn't known existed. The fact that she could wake up everyday and look forward to going to work was all she could have ever asked for out of life.

Nil, on the other hand, had taken more time to settle on he wanted to do with his future. With a deep savings and generous military pension, he had plenty time to work out his issues and decide on a path, and Aloy was frankly a little jealous. Admittedly, she wasn't about to complain about all of the free time this afforded him. Every Friday, he could reliably be found waiting by his beat-up pickup truck in her office's parking lot, ready to take her out on either a weekend hiking trip or to his apartment for a homemade dinner and a couple of days in. It was no surprise when, after only a few months of spending nearly every weekend together, Aloy had asked to move out of Rost's house and in with him on a whim.

"Ah, Aloy," he had sighed with a pleased grin, leaning down to give her a lingering kiss that was far sweeter than his teasing. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist me for long."

Eventually, after Aloy moved into his apartment, Nil did go back to work, surprising absolutely no one by securing a job as a park ranger. What was more interesting was his decision to finally complete his last few semesters of college and obtain his degree in Environmental Science with a focus in Wildlife Management, with the ultimate goal of becoming a game warden. It seemed as though Warden Nakoa had inspired him, and he had found his calling in protecting vulnerable wildlife and people. Aloy thought there was no job he was better suited to do, and although she didn't say it often, she was bursting with pride for him.

Speaking of the warden, Nil and Aloy did indeed have to fly back to Maine a couple of times to testify at Helis' trial. Thankfully, it was an open and shut case, as he continued to stick by his confession and claim that 'the sun would deliver him from bondage'. Unfortunately for him, after a speedy deliberation, the jury unanimously declared him guilty on all counts. Nil hadn't even tried to argue when Aloy insisted that they be at his sentencing, and she watched with grim satisfaction as the man who had tormented her for six months and stolen the lives of so many was sentenced to five consecutive life sentences with no opportunity for parole.

As good as everything had been recently, that didn't mean there weren't still bumps in the road. Spending roughly five months constantly around each other on the trail was quite a lot of time, yes, but adjusting to each other in everyday life proved to be a challenge of its own. Little arguments over things Aloy hadn't even considered would crop up from time to time, although they were never serious enough for her to believe that marrying Nil was the wrong choice. As frustrated as she got with him, the vast majority of time they worked together eerily well, seeming to anticipate the other's needs before they were even spoken. Sometimes he still doubted that he deserved someone like her, as damaged as he was, but Aloy was quick to nip that thought in the bud and soothe away his worries. 

One particularly rough night, after an unusually extended panic attack brought on by some rowdy kids unexpectedly setting off fireworks outside, Nil had let out a despairing moan and buried his face in his hands.

_"Aloy, I don't understand."_

_Aloy paused in where she had been rubbing his back and frowned. "What don't you understand, sweetheart?"_

_"How you can want to be with...with this," he bit out, lifting his head and staring at her through glassy, red-rimmed eyes. "You could do so much better than fucking damaged goods."_

_"You're much, much more than damaged goods, Sahad," she said firmly, reaching down to grab at one of his hands. She tightened her grip when he tried to pull away. "I'm not going to lie to you. It's not easy. It's not fun. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is on you. But it's part of who you are, part of the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. You're more than worth it to me."_

He had only stared at her for a second before launching himself into her arms, burying his face against her chest while sobbing out inumerable thank you's. Aloy knew then she was ready to take the next step with him. The next day, she began searching for a wedding planner.

And that brought them to now, about to meet with their chosen wedding planner for the final time before the big day next week. As Nil locked up their apartment, Aloy lingered for a moment, tilting her head up when he turned to face her.

"I can't believe we're almost there," she said softly, hooking her fingers in the belt loops of his jeans and tugging him close.

Nil wrapped his arms around her loosely. "Ready for the next big adventure, little huntress?"

Aloy huffed out a laugh. "I'd hardly call being married an adventure. But I did have an idea for our honeymoon, if you wouldn't mind waiting a little for it."

"Oh?"

Standing on her toes, Aloy leaned in close and mused, "How would you feel about attempting the Pacific Crest Trail? We've got a Triple Crown to complete, after all."

Nil closed the distance between them to plant a kiss on her lips, and when they parted, a wide, boyish grin was lighting up his face.

"You're on."

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!
> 
> Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who commented, left kudos, and bookmarked this fic. I had an absolute blast researching and writing this one, and this Nil and Aloy are very special to me. So special, in fact, I'm having a hard time letting them go, so you're going to be getting a short story around 15k words involving these two stopping in Pennsylvania on their way back to Colorado to meet with Nil's dad and have some fall-themed fun. Look forward to that in the next week or so!
> 
> Other than that, I'm also 15k words - or three chapters - into my Niloy arranged marriage AU set during the Red Raids, which have gone on slightly longer in this. We're looking at a ~120k word tropetastic slowburn (and I really mean that this time!). Here's a summary for yinz:
> 
> The Red Raids are in full swing. Decimated by the constant raids from the west, the Nora have managed to negotiate a ceasefire treaty with the Carja, at great cost.
> 
> Aloy is only a week out from the Proving, and she's impatient to win the coveted boon of the Matriarchs to learn the answers of her origins. But a tacked-on condition of the ceasefire treaty promises to change her life forever, bringing her to new lands where danger lurks at every turn. Along the way, she must navigate her way through a hostile royal court, deal with her strange husband who burns hot and cold, and figure out how to execute a plot which may be her only hope of returning home to Rost one day. 
> 
> -
> 
> Once I finish posting that fall fic, I will begin posting this fic, titled _All Things Grow_!
> 
> Until then, thank you so, so much for reading!
> 
> Love,  
> Kittleskittle


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